The Latest

So I'm at a new temp assignment, and it never fails to be an interesting experience. I have temped over 30 times since getting laid off, and usually I get the shittiest, most menial jobs you could imagine. I've had some good ones, but the good ones are few and far between. My most recent one is as a rental agent for an apartment complex. The complex is run down, and shitty. I was told I would be in the "rental office", which I assumed was an actual office. I was supposed to start Monday, and I arrived at the location and parked by the rental office sign. The apartment closest to it looked like it was occupied because the bathroom window (tiny window - it's usualy the bathroom) had shampoo bottles on the windowsill. The back door had 2 cats looking out at me. It looked like someone LIVED there. I didn't want to knock on the door at 9am to someone's personal apt. I waited to see if one of the sales people from the realty group would come. Noone did.

I waited until 9:30, and called the temp agency. With this particular agency, the last time I worked with them, I was sent somewhere and I waited an hour for the person to come! He either totally forgot I was coming, or just didn't give a shit. Either way.... Alot of temp agencies are scatterbrained and this one is one of them! Acutally lemme give a little back story about this...

I interviewed for this job 2 weeks ago. I was told the same day that I got the job. I was told by the temp agency that they'd let me know about my start date. Days passed, and I heard nothing. By Friday, I still had no news, so I called them again asking when I start. The woman said I start on Monday. Well.............it'd be nice to LET ME KNOW THIS!!! She asked if anyone called me to tell me, and I said no. So that leaves us where I left off: me sitting there not sure where to go, or who to meet.

The agency (on my first day), tells me they don't know who I'm supposed to be working with, if anyone, and where I should go. The recruiter said she was going to call the company to find out. This should've been done before I started. 30 min later, they call me back, and say noone is coming. The phones aren't set up yet and I should just go home. Great... I had a court date to fight another bogus parking ticket that day and could've been productive and done THAT! I took my ass home and went back to bed. I was told I would be starting on Wed.

So TUESDAY, they call me saying I need to go to another location to "cross train" with someone. I love how they make it sound so important. Lets just say, I went to the location and sat in the sales office staring at the pool for 1hr, then was brought over to this property and left here. Cross training my ass. I just drove 40 min out of my way to be escorted back here. What a waste of gas. I'm practically on E right now, and broker than hell.

So I'm left at the "office" which is an unoccupied apartment with no phone, no fax, no desk, no fridge, no soap in the bathroom, no toilet paper, ants (big ones!) running around, dirty windows and floors and rented furniture (couch table and loveseat) for me to sit on. Um ok.... I was told theres internet, but no computer and no cord. My first day after I was left there I sat there.... staring at the wall and thinking all day until a woman came to look at the apts. The apts are shitty. The rents are reasonable but sadly I dont even meet the income requirements anymore to even live here (not that I'd want to). I broguth my own laptop and a box full of dvds. My internet (I'm stealing wifi from other tenants) fades in and out and it's frustrating. I asked the office if they could bring me a long ethernet cable, and the girl had no idea what it even was. The service provider is Verizon Fios here. I guess they use ethernet. The connection supposedly is in the wall. No modem. Assuming it even works. I have no fridge here and have to buy 4 bottles of water a day and by the end of the day they're warm. Gotta start freezing them. The tap water taste like runoff from a chemical plant *blegh* and I'm out of Kangen water and have no time to get any from Toms River. I think a place in Avon should be selling it by now. I hope so anyway! THat water (antioxident, alkalinized water) has really been working for me full force now. I hate to be off it.

Back to the topic...
Its from seeing these apts, that makes me realize how good I have it in Ocean Grove. My apt is NYC sized (post war sized). Tiny. But in good condition. Nothing is falling apart. Everything works. No bugs. Clean. And my rent is $100 lower than this joint. I have a smaller living room and bedroom but I live a block from the ocean. This place is on a back bay of the Navesink. I am really grateful for the good deal I have. And once I get a job and get back into normal people mode again, I'd like to upgrade to a place w/ a bigger living room,dining area (for dinner parties), and a terrace with an ocean view. But based on the economy, thats still years away.


My cruise is like 12 days away now! I can't wait to get the FUCK out of here! I don't have much money at all these days (temping should help me have some spending money), but I am determined to enjoy these 4 glorious days at sea. I want to swim, eat, come back 10lbs heavier (well, I don't WANT to be 10lb heavier but we all know I will be!), tan, explore, get dressed up, see shows and be entertained like the princess that I am, and did I mention eat? I get paid right before the cruise sets sail, so I want to buy a new rolling suitcase and get a mani/pedi and maybe a nice evening dress.....who am I kidding? Can I really afford that on what I'm making now? I dunno.... I have a white dress that is shorter that could be 'eveningish'. I can make myself look like I have alot of money. Even though that couldn't be further from the truth. I did ok before the economic collapse. I forgot what its like to shop. Anyway, this cruise is right before my 30th birthday so its a nice present to myself. I just hope its sunny, warm, and non humid for the trip.

American Idol is one of the nation's most popular shows. I watched it once. It was even my favorite show the first season. Ya know, the one that made Kelly Clarkson a stah? But after that, it got so repetative and boring that I got sick of it. I caught episodes here and there, but didn't watch it much at all. I mostly heard about the contestants on shows like Access Hollywood and Extra. Last night was the season finale. I didn't know that since I don't watch it, but I saw a blip on facebook from Daryl Hall's fanpage (from Hall & Oates : think "whoa-oh here she comes....watch out boy, she'll chew you up....whoa-oh here she comes....she's a maneater). Know who I mean now? K good! Yeah Daryl or his webperson....whoever that is said to watch American Idol *wink wink*,so reluctantly I agreed. I hoped his ass would be on!

So for those who don't know, I go thru stages of artist obsession (not really obsession but you know what I mean). All the old artists from the 80s I grew up with, I suddenly re-discover and listen to their music constantly. I did it with Michael Jackson after he died, then Debbie Gibson, and now Hall and Oates. I never really noticed how cute Daryl hall was......WAS! He's 63 now and WAYYYY too old even for moi, even though Kristina, Yaas and Preci are gonna say otherwise. But in the 70s and 80s mannnnnn..........hahaha! Dont' get me wrong, he looks good for his age though. So Hall and Oates WERE on American Idol. All the male contestants sang Maneater, I can't go for that and I forget what else. Then Hall & Oates came out singing You Make My Dreams Come True. Not my fave song. But hey it was nice seeing them. I've been watching Live From Daryl's House lately. Its like a show every month. I love it. But yeah Daryl Hall.........I luv him! *sigh* I was watching old vids and live shows from when he was young yesterday. haha.

Daryl Hall (this pic has to be older cuz he looks quite a bit younger here than he does now) But whatever. Its his facebook pic.

So after Hall and Oates, I changed the channel cuz I did not want to see that SHIT on my tv (American Idol) any more than I had to. Then I get a BBM from Kristina telling me Bret Michaels was on! Bret just had a brain hemmorage, stroke , hole in his heart, and before allt hat, an emerg appendectomy) Poor guy =(. He just won the Celebrity Apprentice and then low and behold he was signing on American Idol. I

I made some progress with the Heather vs Monmouth Medical situation. I had a few issues lately and being hypochondriac that I am (I always think I'm dying of some disease or another), I went to the ER but for good reason this time. Another issue was discovered in the process. I tried to get it checked out but because I'm unisured, I hit roadblock after roadblock of trying to get to a Dr. I go to the county clinic which I DO NOT recommend unless you're desperate like me (they're hte only one's who'll see uninsured people) and I was given the runaround. I need a referral to go to another clinic to check out the issue and the Dr at the clinic kept wanting me to come back numerous times and pay just to chat with her. Then she wants more tests done after I was in the ER, got billed $1800, and was told I need to see a [given specialist]. Then my calls to the clinic went unreturned for weeks and I was getting really pissed off. I was put on blood pressure pills after ER visit cuz I was super super stressed over money mostly. Nothing short of finding a job will fix that. But they made me so weak that I couldn't really get off the couch or even walk. I almost fell a few times too. My bp reading was lower OFF the medication than on it. Plus I've calmed down stresswise since I'm temping now and will be making a lil' extra cash. Its all related to money. Some drs dont think I should be on it cuz my bp ranges from 130/80 (lately which is kind of high but not TOO bad) to astronomically off the charts when I'm fighting my daily poor person battles.

So anyway the clinic Dr called this morning. She wont give me a referral to [specialist] cuz i'm on charity care and you basically have to be fucking dying to be covered. So I have to get one more test done. She said the issue could really be stress related and nothing major. A few friends I've talked to have had this issue too and were told it was common and minor so.......we'll see!

This is the longest I've been on the internet at this temp job without the wifi dropping me. My boss (a hasidic jew named Ari) haha is supposedly on his way over here. Why I don't know. I hope they see the condition of this place and bring me an ethernet cord, soap for the bathroom, toilet paper (i brought MY OWN here) and put in a working fridge so I can have access to COLD water. Noone has come to see apts after Tuesday. I wonder why! The ants in this apt dont help. I just hope none of them hitch a ride home in my bag! Writing this killed some time. Its 12. I take lunch at 1pm. Dunno what I'm gonna do today cuz I'm supa broke. I can buy something off the dollar menu I guess. YUM. *roll eyes*. I hate fast food. =p

I'll prob write again after my cruise or if something remotely interesting happens before then. Or if something pisses me off and I want to vent. (Ha!) Like that doesn't happen every second of every day.

Reflections of the way it used to be

Diana Ross couldn't have said it better.

Spent alot of time remembering the old days. When I was happy. When I was employed. When I had money. When I belonged. When I was equal. When I was stress-free. When I was calm. When I enjoyed life.

Where are those days now?

With a recent health scare and sitll no clear answers ( I slip thru the cracks due to my being poor and uninsured), I feel like an empty shell of a person. I'm miserable. I'm enraged. I'm stressed. My health has declined. My hair is turning white.

Who is this person , and what have they done w/ the old me?????

*sigh*

Dunno whats gonna happen next. I hope I get a break soon. Can't go on like this much longer. I'm losing the battle. As anyone who knows me knows. Poverty and bad luck are majorly kicking my ass. And to top it off I really don't feel like I belong anywhere anymore.

FINALLY!!!! A POOL!!!

Ever since I've moved here I have been looking for a pool to become a member of. Alot of nearby shore towns have pools. And all of them you have to be a resident or be sponsored by a resident. I don't happen to know any residents in those towns to sponsor me. I've wanted to belong to the Deal Casino cuz they have a huge outdoor salt water pool but again I need to be sponsored by a member.

So I was sitting outside today and my neighbor mentiones something about the pool. I was like "what pool?" And she was like "you didn't know? theres a new aquatic center in [our town]. Its' really cheap for residents. Its open now. " So I ran upstairs to look it up. Low and behold there IS an aquatic center! Its cheap for residents and finally I don't need anyone to sponsor me. I'm gonna go buy a pass tomorrow. Def well worth it! I'm not temping, school's almost done for me, but the high school/elementary school kids are in school til around my bday (late june). Nows a good time to go get my swim on. =D

Below are some pics of the pool. The bad thing is its indoors But I winder of theres a retractable roof.

Indoor pool is good cuz if its cold/raining you can still swim. And it looks like this'll be a year round venue so I can swim in the winter too. I LOVEEEEE to swim so I will def buy the membership. I just hope the ghetto people in my town (I l ive in a borough of a bigger township and the township has alotta ghetto people. My borough doesn't. It's mostly artsy people, young people like me, old ppl and gays - meaning its clean and full of artsy type events and....well you get the picture) will RESPECT the aquatic center, and not deface things and wreck things and trash it. Only time will tell. But I don't have any other choices to swim elsewhere since I live in THIS town.

Survey

Bored....

1. What did you eat for breakfast?

The company I'm at now bought bagels but we were told that temps cant' partake in bagel day but I took a bagel anyway! Noone saw.

2. What about lunch?

protein bar.

3. Dinner?

Dry Whole wheat Total cereal. Wow I had no meat today!

4. Did you go anywhere today?

Temp assign, and Shop Rite for Worcestershire sauce.

5. What color is your car?

Silver

6. Do you live in the city/country?

Ummmmm city kinda. I mean the jersey shore is very developed. Definitely not country. I temp in the country though and I HATE it!

7. What is bothering you at this very moment?

My eyes are itchy, watery, and my nose is running from this damn pollen!

8. Name somethings you always HAVE to have at your house.

Febreze (there are 2 chain smokers - one across the hall and one downstairs). I'm sick of breathing in ALL this crap but, rather breathe febreeze than smoke. I like to have basil in my house - the live plant - i've been meaning to plant some since my kitchen has light all day. Gotta get on that. Also Cucumber soap. I bought a huge value pack of it when I still had money.

9. What's your fave restauarant?

Siam Basil for takeout. I dont' really get to go out to eat too much. Its mostly takeout. I like the indian buffet too in Ocean. But its nothing special decor wise but the all u can eat buffet is the shit!

10.What's your fave genre of food?

Thai/Indian

11. What's your least?

Mexican, Seafood (I wont even eat seafood), Sushi

12. What time do you go to bed?

Lately 11 or 12ish, which is too late with the schedule I have. Ive been getting 6/7hrs a night all week and I'm DEAD right now.

13. How's the nightlife in your town?

HA! OG is not the place to go for night life! But the next town over has alot of restaurants and lounges/bars, and so does Belmar. OG is quiet. I dn't wanna live in a bar town. I can walk at night w/ no worries here.

14. Furthest place you've traveled?

Barcelona, Spain

15. Any vacations?

Going to St. John in June. Glad I was able to buy the tix 2 mo ago! I def couldn't afford it now!

16. Addictions?

Carvel Ice cream cake.

17. Drugs?

I don't believe in drugs unless there's a valid reason to take them.

18. Some of your hobbies?

Ice skating, cooking, artistic makeup, swimming, kayaking, watersports, outdoor activities, performing (instrumental), and interior design.

19. Best compliment you've received?

That my friends think I'm a good cook and liked my food.

20. If you could live anywhere, where would it be?

Here, just a bigger house, ocean front, no smokers in sight, w/ a winter pent house in Miami Beach.

21. Is anything on you (body parts) fake?

Just eyelashes.... only for concerts n' special occasions though.

22. Tattoos/piercings?

I had a belly ring, but I lost 20lbs after I got it (the flu.......figures) and the ring had to come out cuz there was barely any skin holding the ring on. I have a tattoo on my back. Want another one but finding a place is difficult. Since I'm heavier now. I'm hesitant cuz I htink I willl lose weight this yr cuz of money and lack of luxurious food items from here on out. Eh we'll wait n see. I wnat some kind of words in a place I can hide of course.

23. What do you see to your left?

A lamp, fake plant, glass of agua, blackberry.

24. What are you watching on tv?

Nothing much. I'm concentrating on doing this lovely teen written survey to kill time til the ghost stuff is on at 1am! I love ghost programs. I'm not a believer tho'. But i like to watch.

25. Time period you'd like to go back to/experience?

The 1940s. I liked the hair styles, and the nightlife in NYC back then. I would've liked to have seen it in person.

26. What kind of sheets do you have?

White damask stripe. Got em from my Macys shopping spree that Rachael Ray gave us for Xmas!

27. Do you have a flat screen tv?

Nope =( Wanted one but i am still unemployed so... that'll be a purchase once I'm employed at a decent paying job again. It'd prob go in the living room tho'. I want a samsung 40" !

28. Name a place in this country you've never been to.

California

29. Do you eat pork?

Yep!

30. Go to church regularly?

HA! No. Only for funerals. Church is boring and such bullshit. The dead Jesus statues disturb me.

31. Do you have any pets?

No. I love animals but always end up in pet-free apts cuz the rent is lower. I hope I can at least get a cat someday but I like big dogs. German Shepherds.

32. What do you see out the nearest window?

The bed n' breakfast 2 houses away. Not much of a view in this apt. But it gets sun all day. The best view is on the porch. You can see the ocean and boardwalk.

33. Do you have bunkbeds?

Nope!

34. Like anyone?

Eh, this Doctor, is always eye candy, and ther was frmr marine at my last temp job (he wasn't a temp) but I'm not there anymore.

35. What kind of cell phone do you have?

Blackberry

36. Favorite perfume/cologne?

I still love gucci rush! I also like Chanel Chance and Mademoiselle. I should've bought some when I still had $. I guess I missed out on that. I have Malaia perfume from Hollister and 2 victoria secret perfumes to use for now.

37. How do you like your coffee?

Don't do coffee. Used to do soda instead in the mornigs, but altely its too sugary for me. I still drink it but just once in a while. Always from a CAN (it tastes better)

38. Longest car ride?

I dont DO long rides.

39. Longest bus ride?

8hr from Barcelona to Madrid. My friend and I took ambiens tho' and slept thru the whole trip. IT was funny cuz we stopped at a service area which wasn't like our service areas here in the US. It was just a wooden structure and they only sold baked stuff like pastries at the place. No BK, noRoy Rogers =(. We were so sleepy and we could hardly walk straight. I dont know why we even got off the bus at the service area.

40. Any fake teeth?

I have one cap. I had a root canal 2yrs ago right when i lost my job. My dad had to pay for it and he was PISSED! All my other teef are real.

41. Almost over! Are you relieved?

Eh, whatever. The ghost show isn't on yet.

42. Latest gadgets?

I got a GPS from my Macys spree. I really don't NEED one. I have a pretty good sense of direction, but I like to LOOK at it (it was free so who cares!!!) Its nice to have it tho' for the few times I went somewhere new. I dont htink Iv'e gotten any new gadgets lately but I love gadgets! I had the GPS since xmas tho'. Not really that new.

43. When you go out, what do you rock?

Jewelery, and some kinda makeup. I like makeup artestry and fake eyelashes too
(sometimes)

44. What school do you go to?

THe local community college. I think I'll be there FOREVER. I really don't like going to school.

45. How would you categorize yourself?

Jock, nerd, prep, goth, hippy, badass, barbie, hipster?

Ummmm probably part barbie, part badass.

46. What is something you like to watch on tv?

Intervention, Hoarders, Celebrity Rehab (or whatever show Dr Drew is doing these days), True Life, House Hunters, Divine Design, Ghost Hunters

47. How many mirrors in your house?

Casa de Heather is FULL o mirrors! Not cuz I'm vain, but I have a circle/square pattern of lil' mirrors in my living room. I dont know how many there are, and aI have a huge one in my room.

48. What are you doing this weekend?

Making up a quiz (again), going to Psychology class, Garden State Philharmonic concert, then Sunday, hopefully not much (hope to get outside for ONCE!)

49. How far are you from the ocean?

Like 60 seconds (walking)

50. What are you doing now?

Laying in bed w/ the laptop. But my ghost show is on! Good timing! I'll watch the ghost thing til I fall asleep. I can sleep til12 tomorrow! *relief*

Effects

I just keep noticing as time goes on, that I get more and more white hairs. Not even gray, but white. They pop with against my dark hair. I think by 35 I'm gonna be dying my hair to cover up, not just cuz I am sick of my color (like I have in the past). Shit, make that 32! Its happening fast. I guess some people with hard lives have it show on their face. I still look pretty young, surprisingly... Mine is showing on my hair. Its gotta be stress. Its not genetic, and thers nothing else going on. Oh yeah, I'm officially impoverished now as of this week. Getting used to the NEW me, and my NEW life. Its gonna take some time.

Oh, and our end of season band banquet is coming up. We go to a fancy restaurant and get to dress up really nice. Last year I was the only one w/ out a date. I'm kinda hesitant to go because of that. Don't have a date this year either. I'd ask a guy that I'm friends with since i'm single now, but none of them are reliable and I have to pay for them. so.... *shrug*. I just hate being asked "so who did you bring?...........noone?...........oh...." Like last year.

I also am trying to think of the perfect line for my tattoo. I've wanted one with WORDS for years. I dont knwo when i'm gonna have money for one but since it'll be on me forever, I dont wanna do it til i'm sure. I have an idea of hte topic. At least if I drop dead it'll be branded on me forever that I died fighting til the end. Thats all I want the world to know.

Food

One short statement! I love my own cooking!!! I know its self absorbed to say but I really do love my own food! It tastes better than most restaurants I eat at. I made a new recipe I saw on rthe food network at 2am the other day. Chicken cutlet, slit stuffed with fresh parsley, garlic, oregano, sea salt and lemon zest, and topped w the same stuff, including some dry sherry. I'm eating it right now and I feel like I'm out for dinner at a nice restaurant! I haven't cooked in a while. Been so busy temping and in school, I've been eating granola bars and oatmeal mostly. So glad I can cook again. But unforch my UE renews on tues and it'll be a much lower amoumnt so this week I'm enjoying the culinarily advanced food, before its back to oatmeal amd food pantry shit next week.

What else can I do?

So my temp job is no more. I was feeling sick Sunday and this morning so I called out because I have an insanely busy schedule and thoguht if I had one day to rest I could make it better through the week. Well around 11am, the agency called saying they didn't need me any more. They just said it wasn't working out. WTF?! So why end it now, why not Friday? Why not last week? Bullshit. This happened to me in Oct of 2008 when I got pneumonia too. And it's happened to a few of my friends. I've temped and called out since, but this job I guess won't stand for it.

So where does that leave me now? I frantically called up all 10 agencies plus a few others. Noone had ANY work. Nothing. This is a common occurance in these days. I signed up for Care.com to provide babysitting, pet sitting, and elderly help while I'm free during the day. The problem is, I am looking for work and won't be free for too long. I keep trying to think of what else I can do....

I started thinking about doing flute lessons. I've played for 21yrs, and I'm aight, but I am not a band teacher. Band teachers have skills and knowledge that Id on't have. They know techniques that may help the students play better that maybe I don't know. I can probably do a better job teaching someone to play initially (as in they've never played the instrument at all before), and teaching them to read music (that I think I'm qualified to do, but the performance aspect, no). I actually wouldn't mind teaching kids how to read music. The problem is, it takes a long time. What if I get a job? *sigh* I don't know. Whatever I do on the side, is a temporary thing, as is most of the work I do nowadays. Temporary. Everything in my damn live is TEMPORARY. I dont know from one day to the next where I'll be. I dont know if I can stay in my apt, but I hope I can manage to pull thru long enough to find a REAL JOB. Money's getting tighter and tighter, and my UE gets lower and lower as time goes on. Next year's UE will be completely unliveable. So I have to get a job before next April 6, 2011. If I don't, it's welfare for me. There'll be no options at that point. I won't be a nurse yet by that date, even if I do the LPN. I failed hte LPN math test last time. I was thinking about trying it again.

The only program at night is the one in Piscataway. But that means I will have to give up band. I promised myself I woudln't . Its the only thing I have left that I enjoy. If I give that up, I'll be pretty miserable. And it's gonna take years for me to become a nurse since I have to work. If only Id idnt have to work. If only I had a roof over my head for 2yrs for free somehow. I have to work to pay rent. But theres only one option, living on a college campus if I get 100% housing financing, which I probably won't cuz I "make too much money". HA! I still find that amusing that I'm considered ineligible for aid when I'm on unemployment, have been for the last two years and earned a wage temping that is nearly impossible to live on. But Uncle Sam says I make too much money.

Fuck you, Uncle Sam! If it weren't for all your stupid rules and clauses, I'd probably beat this and be back on track and be a NORMAL PERSON with a NORMAL LIFE again. But you are holding me back! You'll give EOF (the aid i need) to all these ghetto kids that were in my math class who are rude, disrespectful, stupid, idiots, and thugs who are probably gonna be in fucking jail in a few years anyway, than to help someone w/ no criminal history, who's worked all t heir life and who's trying to get off unemployment.

As this fight goes on I really sometimes think that I am destined to live this way. I kill myself trying to get back what I had but I get nothing. Everything I do, I hit so many roadblocks. I really don't know what else to do. I want my old life back. I really see my future as me living on welfare in a roach infested old motel somewhere in Asbury Park. Only then,will the government help me. But poverty isn't a yellow brick road. Either that or I'll end up in jail too. Just like the low class degenerate I've become. And this is why its hard for me to be happy. I used to be successful, and now I have nothing. Someone's gotta help me if I'm ever gonna get out of poverty. But noone will.

I know the best thing for me is to adjust to my new life. Surround myself with other people in poverty and just adapt. But I can't. I didn't grow up this way, and I won't settle. I want to be ME again. This isn't me. The person I see in the mirror is someone with shitty luck in life, who lives off whatever comes her way, beaten down by stress, always worrying about what'll happen next, dealing with one catastrophe after the next.

Thats not me. The Me I remember was successful, stable, happy, had a good job, lots of friends around, traveled and enjoyed life.