Congress Stops Unemployment

So, once again, Congress denied Unemployment Benefits, as they do 2 or 3 times a year. Causing severe anxiety to unemployed workers wondering how they're going to pay their rent/mortgage, feed themselves and their families, and dare I say it... pay a bill or two. Maybe even a cell phone so they can get calls and make calls about JOBS. Well alot of people in the next coming weeks will be at the Department of Social Services applying for Welfare.

If you didn't know, Welfare for a single person with no kids is $140 a month. Not a week, but a month. What the hell are you gonna do with that? I guess that may be just enough to pay a cell phone and put some gas in your car. Anything else you need? Well you're shit out of luck.

How will these people eat and get medical care? They will be on Food Stamps and Medicaid, which is GOVERNMENT FUNDED. Welfare is also Government funded. So is housing assistance, which will be paying for shelter for those with children and a few lucky single people.

So if your arguement is to say that you're reducing the national debt, you're wrong. You're just moving it elsewhere. Yeah, its a lower rate than what the people were getting on Unemployment, but all the billions of dollars from unemployment checks that people were spending on gas, and groceries, clothes, lunch at the corner cafe will be gone. Those people who are now on welfare, waiting to get on welfare, or who don't qualify but are still not getting enough money will not spend anything because they can't. So watch the corner cafe go out of business, supermarkets cut staff's hours because they're not bringing in enough money to pay them because of a record amt of people on food stamps. Its all a downward spiral.


They think that if you extend UE, we won't look for work. I still will. I want to make money. I want to live comfortably. I'll do whatever I neeed to do to enjoy life, and collecting UE doesn't cut it. I draw from other incomes to be able to socialize, go on trips, or get takeout some nights after class lets out. Not everyone is so lucky , or as driven as I am.

Something tells me that if you had a $50,000 job, and now you collect $300/week on unemployment when you used to make , oh lets say $800/wk before, that you're gonna do everything you can to make more than your UE is for.

But you're forgetting one statistic, that there aren't enough jobs in EXISTANCE to accomodate the 10% of the population who are unemployed. If UE is cut, we all just won't scurry around and get a job. There won't be enough. I get asked all the time "why don't you just get a job?!" Well bitch, its because there aren't any! I apply to entry level shit jobs on a regular basis. I get no callbacks. If I do, I get rejected because I'm overqualified. All I've done is temp. Thats all I can find. Some people can't find that. Its just htat I've basically become a career temp now (as much as I hate to say that) and I have connections. Even with those connections, I haven't 'temped in almost a month. I've been calling and calling, and noone has work. Any real jobs I apply for are a lower level position, which Unemployent tells me I have to apply to, and I do, but I get rejected. At this point I would work a low level job. I know whatever I end up doing will be comprable to what I did when I was 20yrs old, with no experience when I moved to NYC. But will anyone hire me knowing that if something higher paying comes along I'll jump at it? No, I don't tell them that, but they know. We'd all do that. Why would you work for $20k, when you used to work for $50k?

All the people who tell me to just "get a job" as if they're out there dangling on trees, and to Congress who think we're all a bunch of people leeching off the Government, just remember....

I'll say what I've been saying for years. End the war in Afghanistan. (What the hell are we fighting for, again?!) Use the money you're spending on the war to extend Unemployment. Let those people take care of their own. If you didn't find Bin Laden yet, you ain't gonna find him any time soon!

STOP WORRYING ABOUT EVERYONE ELSE'S PROBLEMS AND CONCENTRATE ON OUR OWN! We can't afford to 'help' other countries. We need to help ourselves right now! Accept it, and take action!

End Rant -

Life AFTER Joe

So as some of you know, my father, who I just called 'Joe' (we weren't a typical family to say the least) passed away after 4 yr battle with complications from lung cancer.

He did survive the lung cancer, but his health declined, and he was in and out of the hospital non stop for respitory issues. His lungs gave out on November 10, 2010 around 2pm ish. My cousin and I didn't make it to the hospital in time.

This isnt' a tribute. I'll do one later once all this bullshit is finished, but I just wanted to rant actually.

I knew it wasn't going to be easy planning a funeral at age 30. Even though age 30 is when alot of your parents start to die. I had NO idea where to start, what to do, where to go, what was needed from his papers and from me. I asked some friends who have been thru it before and they gave me good advice. But unfortunately they didnt know enought to guide me thru the whole process....which has been rather exhausting.

My family are usless, except for about 7 cousins , but they're not offering to help. My uncle (bible toter clan) and aunt are great for making demands that a priest come and all that, but they dont want to pay for it.........figures. Then The funeral home gave me the cost breakdown , and it was $2000 more than what his life insurance covered. And we didnt have a wake! So I said "no deal." Well have to cremeate him then and I'll decide what happens cuz Id ont have that kind of money. A few hours later he called back and offered me another breakdown of costs where my portion was $200. Much better, asshole!

The funeral itself went off without a problem. I got his millitary papers faxed tot he right department so he could have the millitary funeral/salute/gunfire/and flag ceremony,which occupied the time. Usually they have a priest doing ...whatever he does. Teh bible toters said they now wanted THEIR priest (who was dressed like a monk) to do it but they had no money. Grrrrr............... of-course-they-did-nt! >=/

So I reached into my own wallet to pull out money for the priest I didn't even want. THEY wanted him. They can't cope w/ him not getting the catholic blessings or whatever. I wasn't happy after that one. But family does that. At least mine does. Now you know why I don't spend holidays with them. It gets worse but we won't go there now!

So after the funeral, I have been waiting for the death certificate which I was told was gona be ''in the mail'' by the funeral director. A week passed, nothing. Another week, I called. They said they're working on getting it to me soon. I let it slide cuz I had a nother week or two. Then last week I called agian. THey said they wanted my uncle to have his first since he is the life insurance beneficiary. MEANING if the uncle doesn't get his certificate, the funeral home doesn't get paid. OH NO....we wouldn't want that, would we? =( *roll eyes*, So I restated that all my dad's t hings are HERE in NJ. and I am here in NJ. And I am the one who has to empty storage, which is definitey a challenge , and his apartment, which I have to see what shape the gold digger left it in. I'm sure she didn't clean it. She probalby just grabbed her shit and ran.

The cable company wont stopcharging him til they get the cable box, modem and phone stuff out cuz it belongs to them , and when i went into the rental office, the girl told me that unless my name is listed as "in case of emergency" on the lease, i have no power and can't get in. Only the name listed can get in. That is my bibletoting uncle who will not come down here. He's old nad not ablebodied to empty out a house full o furniture. I'm semi able bodied, nad I know I can do it, but I'll be so sore I probably wont be able to MOVE the next two days, but i'll plan for that in my schedule.

I asked the girl how I can get a death certificate. She tells me to go to New Burnswick's Admin building. Then another girl said NO, go to oldbridge municipal offices and get the cert there, but they are $10 ea and you'll need between 10 and 20 of them. UGhhhhhhhh thats alot of money and I haven't temped in weeks! The other girl says I have to go to New Brunswick and ask for power of attorney of the judge. I have to bring the death cert w/ me. Now I'm sure this will not go smoothly as noone answered the phone there this afternoon so i can verify what exactly I need to bring with me. I'm gonna bring his whole briefcase w/ papers and all my papers I can think of.

Problem is, i can't get the death cert without MY birth cert! I had 4 copies here. 2 in my hiding spot, and 2 were in his briefcase. I saw them several times. Tonight NONE of them were there. I looked like 6 or 7 times in each place, tore apart the area under my breakfast bar, looked in the tool box and storage tub and NOTHING. Not one birth certificate. Soooooo I basically have to go to New Brunswick to get my BC,then go back to Old Bridge to get a fw of his Death Certs, then go back to Court in New Brunswick and ask the judge if they willl give me power of attorney. (they could say no), if they do, and i have the papers, THEN I can finally start closing things out. I snuck into storage this afternon to get some of that going. I dont need these people telling me i cna't be in there when alot of the stuff instorage is MINE and I had the key all along and I went to storage w/ out him for years. So, being the rebel that I am, I just went in and got to work. Of course the closed off the dumpsters behind fences and locks (wtf?!) and a sign saying "Please do not dump out side of the dumpsters, or a pick up fee will be assessed to your account." Um.....well why don't you OPEN them up so we CAN dispose of things properly??I have about 2hrs worth of work tomorow in storage and then its done. i'll keep the lock and use it for my kayak so I don't have to buy a new one so that'll work. I took whaqtever was mine (threw alot out tho) and my next task is his apartment. I have no idea what state this woman left the apt in. Regardless I'm gonna clean up the mess. If I do, I get $500 of his security. They're gonna pay DEcember's rent out of his security no matter what.

This is where I'm at at this point in time. So far from finished. I also need to know who needs the official cert adn who can just be faxed one. Each official seal is $10. IF I really need $20 that is gonna clean me out and frankly, it'll have to wait til I am able to fit it in my budget. Luckally I have no family to buy Christmas gifts for, but I have bills to pay, and of course mounting medical bills have no end in sight. I hope all the bad stuff w/ me is over for a while until I find a job and health insurance!

I was out all day long tending to whatever I could, then going to school. Tomorrows another day. Gonna do the court system tomorrow even though it loooks like I'm gonna be all over Middlesex County all day long.

One thing that makes me smirk is.... my uncle thinks he's power of attorney because my dad's little letter to the gold digger says so. But theres no will and my uncle doesn't have the letter. So I'm about to become power of attorney. Meaning when his pension payout happens, maybe it wont go to probate. And I can say where it goes. Course my mother will probably be all up in my kool aid trying to get a handout. She needs to go find someone else to give her a handout but she never gets it. I'll give some to my bro. Who I'm sure he will give his money to her, but if hes that stupid, thats not my problem. The other sister that disappeared 16yrs ago, gets nothing. I dont know her. I'm sure she's doing find as someone in the Air Force so...... don't even! If theres enuff left, i'd like to help out a few friends who really are struggling. I cna't give any lavish gifts but maybe i can help. I don't know. And of course theres me...... Same 2 choices. Pay off bills, or stock pile it. Its never an easy decision. I need to temp, or shit........just WORK already so I can pay off the bills and get my credit back up to what it was before all this job loss shit happened. Its fixable. Just need money to fix it.

I wasn't kidding about going to Paris though. I don't speak french, no.... but it's time. If anyone wants to come, i could use the company. But if not, I can do it alone. I will find a way to communicate. Ciao

Clingy, codependent relationships

One thing I really wanted to write about, is another social type issue that I see alot of, and lost some friends to... Clingy, codependent relationships. So I'm sure this blog will defintely offend someone, but too bad. It is what it is. I think basically all my blogs will offend people though.

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As I was looking through various facebook profiles, you can clearly see who they are. When every single profile picture of theirs, is them and their boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife. Every single one. Nothing wrong w/ posting pics of you and your sig other. But when every one on YOUR (note the word "your") profile, which is supposed to be about YOU, is the both of you, maybe you should step back a little and ask if you're being super clingy.

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Does it affect me? Usually, no. I just find it so annoying, just like overly hoity toity people at a country club discussing yesterdays polo match, and how the help ruined their $20,000 Gucci gown by spilling a glass of $500 wine on it while bringing it to your ass on a silver platter. LOL. But in some cases it does. I have lost a few good friends to this since they virtually disappear when they get a bf, and only really see their friends as "backup" when the guy isn't around, or if they've had a fight, or broken up. I don't want to be your '''backup''' friend. Therefore, I really don't make an effort anymore. I spend my time with my friends who want to hang out with me whenever. Not just when their sig other isn't available.

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Lets take one person. We'll call her Miss C. I have noticed that all of Miss C's pictures are of her and her now husband. But the kicker is, she's literally hanging on the poor guy in every picture. I mean she's pretty and shouldn't have self esteem issues I wouldn't think but these pictures really seem to say "My husband is my WORLD". Now dont get me wrong. In a perfect world, I'd' be married by now, with 2 kids, but I could never see myself HANGING on a guy like that, nonstop, unable to detach from his side. I like my independance. I like my space. I like to hang out with the girls too, and its not healthy to spend all your time with one person. Not even if its one friend. If I ever became that clingy, someone please shoot me! But to reiterate, Miss C is either latched on to her hubby's arm , or he has his arm around her (he doesn't seem clingy. Only her). She seems noticibly happier when she's hanging on him. In pics of her and her friends, yeah sh e looks happy, but you can tell in pics w/ him, her self esteem is sky rocketing upwards.

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Miss C seems to be the most extreme case I've seen lately, but there are a few more. I've had a friend blow me of countless times to accomodate her bf. If she has plans w/ me or other friends, she'll just not show up, or not answer the phone if you try to call her. She honestly thinks its ok to blow off your friends for a guy. As if a guy is a good enough reason. I think she doens't 'think its ok to blow off in general. Only if its for a guy. Thats Jr High right there. This friend 'promises' they definitely want to hang out, catch up, have dinner, see a show, etc. Then it never happens. Cuz the bf wants to come that weekend. If that person wants to isolate themselves from everyone (I'm sure she does this to everyone else too), then fine. Just don't bitch and say I never invite you anywhere, I cuz I do. I've made it a point to invite those friends who have since disappeared, so I can see how things are going. I know I don't call people anymore. I just fell out of that habit after some drama that happened personally with someone unrelated and an unrelated topic, but I do try to get together w/ friends as often as I can. Some of them say they feel isolated or whatever, when the fact is, they isolated themselves.

That person lost all her friends. She now has noone but the bf. I barely talk to her anymore. But when I do, she definitely makes it clear that she has noone left but him. She made it that way. She couldve had everyone. But she wanted only one. Noone made them choose. They felt there was only room for one person I guess. I guess I'll never understand that. For me, the more people to hang out with, the better! Whether I'm in a relationship or not.

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Look at Heidi Montag from the Hills. Bad example, I know. But if you watch the show, you will see the progression that when she was with Spencer, she spent all her time with him, and eventually she lost all her friends. All they have is eachother. Heidi's mom said on one episode something like "'If you break up with Spencer, you have noone. No friends left."' Why would you put yourself in a situation like that. Do they think their friends are gonna stick around when you get blown off, or never make the effort to hang out? Probably not.

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What made me write this? Probably being blown off so many times. Trying to figure out why they think its ok. But back to the main problem, the codependancy....

So I read that its usually a rebound, they will rush to get married, then realize they made a mistake. I think one couple is a good match. One is definitely NOT, and the other it seems to be. The one thats not...the girl needs a man at all times. She feels incomplete w/ out a boyfriend. I have a relative like this too. As long as she has a man, she's happy (outwardly anyway, til you hear her bitch about him later on the rare occasions that you talk), it doesn't matter who the guy is, as long as he treats her well and they get along. They settle for anything even tho the guy may hold her back from doing what she likes to do. She becomes what he is. She likes what he likes. Also something I've noticed w/ one of those people mentioned above is that they hardly ever say the word "I" anymore. Its always "we". Obv if you're married/in a relationship there are gonna be alot of "WEs", but when there are nothing but wes?

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Another friend who I didn't think was in a codependant relationship, but she thought she was after it ended, said "I lost my identity. I was always (insert name here) and (my boyfriend). I want to be just (insert name here) now. I think she's done a good job. She has a bf, and is very social, going out w/ all her friends pretty equally it seems. ]

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I couldn't imagine being clingy. They call several times a day (with no good reason). Will sit there and watch you play a video game just to be in the same room as you (when you couldve gone and done something else), and wants to spend every waking moment with you. I'd' get tired of a person if I did that. I def would want to get out and hang w/ friends. I'm not saying I'm perfect by any means. But I guess I'm just really independant or something. Im totally fine if my bf wants to hang w/ the guys. If its all the time, its a problem. lol. I've dealt w/ that too, but that relationship is now over. But I WANT someone to hang out w/ their friends. If a guy I was with didnt have friends I would worry. I don't WANT to be the center of someone's world. I don't WANT all of his facebook profile pics to be of me and him (a few is fine). I dont WANT someone calling me 5x a day and being on the phone every free moment of time we have if they're not with me.

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Its really a shame to watch these girls isolate themselves, and god forbid their relationship doesn't work out, they'll be completely alone when its over. But friends shouldn't be used as "'backup" for their bf/hubby's lack of availability. But the problem is happening so much now, that I'm done. I wash my hands w/ those people. I have good friends who can break away from their man, if they have one, or even bring them along occasionally, but they dont have to be home, with their arms clamped around his for dear life 24/7. I see my friends alot. They are available a decent amt of times. I can plan things w/ them. And most importantly , they don't blow me off! That is what sabatoged the friendship for one of them. Maybe if she would've cancelled instead id have more respect for her. But she doesn't do that, so I don't.

They should help themselves though and allow time for friends. Even if I'm not in the picture. Just any friends. I guess dealing with the relative that's like that made me sickened by the whole thing.

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* I wrote this instead of an English paper I was supposed to do. The school wont let me into the system cuz I don't have a barcode. So.....yeah. I'll have to procrastinate and do it tomorrow (the day its due)....once again. Maybe I should do my paper on codependancy. I'll think about it. Its either illegal seal hunts, whale hunts, or that. Whatever has more info. Less work the better! lol

SHOES!

I got my school loan money, sooner than expected, so I've been a good chica and paid all the bills for Oct and am in the process of paying off two credit cards. I have been saying though that I want a new pair of shoes for performances since I usually end up wearing my old pointed toe pumps (out of style but I wore em anyway), or just chunky work shoes. Last round of concerts the sole part that supports your arch broke and the shoes were unwalkable. I have cheap 14 dollar black shoes but they look like they came from WalMart (they did) and they have lil rhinestones on them which don't exactly go with the rest of the look, usually. I do wear them but I got a better version of those too.

The shoe pictured above was reduced in price at Macys and I really like all the straps. I don't mind wearing open toe sandals in the winter since I'll just be going from my car to the venue and back. I really don't mind walking in open toes unless its snowing or something.

I also bought another pair of round toe (in style) black pumps for work/job interviews/nights out. The sandal above could be for nights out too. And the pumps could be for shows. According to our director, we'll be in quite a bit of extra special shows this season. So aside from the mandatory black bottom , white top dress code we have, the only thing you can express your sense of style with are............ the shoes.

Oh plus I'm going to alot of performances in Newark this season too. So the shoes will def come in handy. Now I have to decide whether to buy the parking pass, or just take the train each time. Parking pass is cheaper for NJPAC but alot of shows are in New Brunswick too, which is more affordable to drive to , and to park for free somewhere (in the hood) and walk. If need be, their parking garages cost like $5 compared to Newark's $16.

Who said shoes didnt bring happiness? Or money for that matter? Trying to just pay it out to bills this time since it looks like I'll have income til Feb for sure. The other months that wasn't the case and there were lapses in UE.

Mosque at Ground Zero

To hear the latest scandal du jour in America is amusing. People are now infuriated that they want to build a Mosque and an Islamic Center at/near (Not sure) the World Trade Center (thats what I still call it by habit, but more commonly known as GROUND ZERO).

What's my view on it? I have no problem with it. Not all muslims are terrorists. I think, in my opinion the site was chosen to show the worlds "We're not all like that. Let us show you."

Yes, the Sept. 11th Terrorists were Muslim. But they were brainwashed and believing that america was the devil and when they died, they''d' go to a fucking garden of eden with like 27 virgins or something. Thats like saying all Catholics are sodomising young alter boys.

Go ahead and put it there, if it were up to me. People nowadays get offended by so many things its sickening. They don't like the color of a model's Victoria's Secret panties, they raise hell. "*roll eyes*. Whatever. I would think as we got older people would be more liberal but it''s not really like that, apparently.

Why not worry about something more important than a Mosque........ THE ECONOMY and CREATION OF JOBS!

Absinthe

I had always been curious about absinthe since I was a teenager, seeing it in a movie one day. It was a mysterious green spirit with a ritual preparation of a sugar cube, spoon, water and sometimes fire. The drink was banned in Europe in the late 1800s or early 1900s (this ain't wikipedia, people! You want stats, look em up!). Thats what drew me to this drink. The fact that I'm not supposed to drink it, makes me want to drink it MORE!

I went to Spain in 2004. I went on a search for absinthe. Unfortunately, due to the shitty value of the US dollar vs the Euro, my $500 spending money turned into 340 Euros upon exchanging it =(

The cost of living equaled America so there was no money for expensive souviniers. Especially since upon my return, I'd have to pay the rent. My plan WAS to buy a bottle of absinthe and sneak it back into the country in my luggage. Thankfully, I didn't buy it cuz I was selected for a random luggage check at the Madrid airport on my way home and they went thru all my luggage. They would've confescated the bottle since at the time Absinthe was illegal in the US. My absinthe dreams were crushed and stuffed aside somewhere until recently.

I don't really remember what started up my quest for absinthe THIS time, but at a bbq, I mentioned to some friends that I really wanted to try it. Everyone else said they did too. I decided to buy a bottle from Europe and have it shipped to me, and have a get together of my more adventurous friends to taste it.

Absinthe for those who don't know is a spirit distilled from wormwood which contains a chemical called thujone. It is rumored to cause hallucinations, and spark creativitiy. Many great artists of the belle epoque were absinthe drinkers. It was also rumored to drive people crazy. This is arguable, with people saying that the symptoms of some of these absintheurs were those of alcoholism, rather than drinking too much absinthe.

I don't do drugs. Never tried any (except my lifelong desire to try LSD just once - haven't yet)
but I wanted to see what the absinthe effect would be like. Would it make me hallucinate? Would it make me want to paint some dark twisted picture? Would I do crazy shit, totally out of character for me? I dunno! But I was sure as hell gonna find out.

Old Absinthe ads

"The Absinthe Drinker" . The green fairy, or fee verte was a nickname for absinthe.

Later on, there was propaganda against absinthe, saying it caused you to go insane.

Worried yet? Nahhhhh, this made me want to try it MORE.

I finally got my bottle of Strong 68 from Alandia, cooked some burgers, and chicken, broke out the slotted spoons I ordered, and decided to git 'er done.

Glasses lined up with spoons and a sugar cube.

There are two "rituals" to prepare absinthe, just like in the old days. The French ritual is to pour 1 oz of absinthe in a glass, top with a slotted spoon and a sugar cube. Drip cold water onto the sugar cube so it melts into the drink. You are supposed to dilute the drink with 3-5oz of water. I don't think we even used that much. Oops.


The Czech ritual is the same except you drip a few drops of absinthe on the sugar cube and light the cube on fire til it caramelizes, then you dunk it in the absinthe. You can also set the absinthe on fire and let the flame melt the sugar cube. I didn't do this because I didnt want to set the house on fire lol.

The essential oils of the drink come out when mixed with water and it turns into a cloudy liquid called a louche. Stir and bon apetit!

The taste was spicy, not bitter like everyone said. I did put 2 sugar cubes in though fearing bitterness. It had anise in it, like what's in sausage. Everyone laughed when I said absinthe tasted like sausage. But I am a fan of flavor and spice. I really enjoyed the experience. I even had 2 glasses, after swearing I'd only have one to start. Everyone had multiple glasses except 2 people.

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Did I hallucinate? No. Was I drunk out my mind? No. Did I feel different? YES. It took a while for it to kick in. I felt a little light headed, and due to my lack of experience with drugs, I'd assume it was a high feeling, but I really don't know. I remember laughing hysterically at a kid across the street trying to lean on a bush to take a picture of something in the next yard (it was dark and 1am at this point) and we all started cracking up. More than we probably would've if we weren't drinking.

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2 friends went home, 2 left. We went for a walk on the beach. It'd be all good as long as I didnt decide to walk to Portugal at low tide in the pitch black. That didn't happen. Returned home and cleaned up. Another friend went home. The last one was staying over because they wanted to hang at the beach the next day. I put my stuff away and went in my room to catch up on the daily Facebook happenings. Thats when I noticed something.

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I was looking at the font of the words on the screen. It was so THIN and WIDE. Why didn't i notice this before. I saw the dots on my sheets had a lining around them, and they had a pattern that repeated. The weaving of the fibers on the lampshade. The wood on the ceiling (I have a hardwood ceiling like a hardwood floor. weird). The numbers on the clock were dimmer than the numbers on the cable box clock. The triangular pattern of skin cells on my hand. I was staring at them in wonder. I never gave a SHIT before about those things.

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Then my hearbeat sped up for no apparent reason. I hoped I'd be able to sleep. I got up to pee. When I got in the living room my friend was still up watching tv. I felt like I was floating (but not drunk-drunk). Then I went back into my room and fell asleep. When I woke up I was fine.

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We barely made a dent in the bottle. We are gonna do it again. I was defintely a fan of absinthe. But if you don't like spice, you probably won't like this.

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I felt a connection to people during the Belle Epoque era carrying out age old rituals of preparation and feeling to some extent, the same buzz they did. I didn't paint any pictures or write any deep poems, but absinthe just gained a few more fans that night.

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The people who were too scared really missed out. I can't wait to do it again! I have it here but its lame to drink by yourself, so...until the next time!

Get a Real Job

The phrase I get the most nowadays is "When are you gonna get a real job?" or just "Get a real job already!" I'm so sick of hearing this bullshit. Today there was major drama at my temp job. Some tenants number was given out to another tenant, who then called the first tenant and accused her of having roaches. Then she called me cursing me out thinking I gave out her number (i didn't), and said she's offended that anyone would accuse her of being unclean and shit. She said she had maintenance issues from when she moved in in January (before I came here), and they haven't been fixed. Then she continued to curse me out, rant about my cheap jewish boss, and hang up.

Today the main office called and blamed me saying that she's had issues for months and I never reported it. The woman from the main office told me the tenant said this. I said if she called while I was here, it was reported. But its my word against theirs. Apparently the super said he never got the work order too.

When all else fails blame the temp.... >=/

So then I was told to call an exterminator. Since I am a lowely temp and not allowed to do anything, I had to call a woman at yet another office to call them. She wasn't available so ANOTHER woman told me she'll give her the message (she usuallyDOESNT pass along messages and just blames me and says she never heard anything from me). I was told to have the tenant write a letter stating that she needs an exterminator. Never heard of that before! But fine. I called her and told her. She was infuriated. I said I was doing as I was asked and I can't even write it myself. So she came over and wrote the letter. Her husband asked me if I was working with a temp agency. I said "unfortunately yes. It's all the work I can find right now." Her husband says "Go get a real job! Don't do this SHIT. This place is horrible! you'll get a bad reputation working here!" Although I see his point, I don't like to be talked to like I like temping and want to be a fucking career temp! I hate temping! I have to live and UE doesn't pay me shit this year. Plus I'm able to have somewhat of a social life, resulting in a much happier ME !

Then she says to me "I have children, and I want to see young people do well. Don't stay here. Get a real job!" Whatever lady. I thought I already made that clear that I'm only here because that's all I can find.

Anyway after I faxed the note to the Neptune office, I was told she has to provide me with a dead roach as proof that she has roaches. It was the end of the day and I didn't call her back. She'll be amused when she hears that. But different people say different things! Noone's story is the same. I complained to my boss that it was made to look like I never reported her leaking WHATEVER from Jan. Turns out she was calling in June, documented in computer, and the super said he completed the work. So I wrote a long email to my boss bitching that I am made to be the scapegoat. She is mad because someone gave out her NUMBER and YOU are screwing her over and she refuses to pay rent til they fix the problems (the whole complex is falling apart). And they are trying to twist it around blaming ME saying she's mad cuz of ME. The boss is a cowardly hasidic jew who doesn't deal with confrontation. Needless to say, he didn't answer. I am looking even harder for new jobs (temp or perm).Although I really need perm but theres just NOTHING!

My boss ^

I apply to tons of jobs, most of which I am overqualified for, and get no response. So I'm kind of in a rut. All I've done is temp, and my last real jobs were higher level jobs. Now I'm applying to entry level jobs. And getting nowhere. It seems that there are more bad temp jobs than good ones. I am so sick of being a fucking temp!! But i dont want to give up the happiness that comes with being able to do things and have a social life.

Band and Firework Wednesdays Once Again

So once again Summer Band has started up in my town. I'm glad I once again have something to do that I LIKE (as opposed to temping and running errands, which is all iv'e been doing as of lately).

But the downside is that we are in the middle of a 2 week (or more?) long heat wave with temperatures regularly in the mid to high 90s with high humidity, and the nights in the low 90s or upper 80s. I've barely turned off my AC the past few weeks. I love playing in the concerts, but playing in 94 degrees with 100% humidity is as close to hell as you're gonna get.

I feel like the more I drink, the faster I sweat it all out. Maybe I shouldn't drink? Then I won't sweat? Yeah but then I'll dehydrate and end up with an IV in my arm like many times before. I seem to dehydrate faster than the average person. I know once I lose my voice, I better start chugging a gallon of water, STAT!

The band plays a large variety of songs, and I really like the selection (usually). The problem is that alot of these pieces have been played for years, and the people know them well (even the difficult ones). I have only been in the band 3yrs, and I'm not as seasoned as the rest of them. I have one day to learn a song. its frustrating that sometimes fast 16th note passages can't be played up to speed when most of the others can do it. I consider myself a decent player, but in a day I can't work up to the level everyone else is at. Not all the songs have fast 16th note runs though. But usually the ones that do are my favorite. I love difficult pieces! But yeah, only one day to learn it can get a little frustrating is. The good thing is, I copy the hard pieces that i like to put in my music collection so I CAN learn them for the future. So when the songs repeat, I'll know the songs just as well as the other people.

I started writing out some music, which I haven't done since I was a teenager, and now I remember why! Its soooooo tedious. I have no patience and when I think that the famous composers like Mozart and Beethoven wrote 100s of symphonies, I think they mustve had no social life and been recluses or something (probably were). I do not like writing music! I would rather buy the piece online. Problem is, most of the songs I want to do for youtube aren't available. Soooooo, I got thru some of Cab Driver, by Daryl Hall. Its easy and it repeats alot, so once i write the verse, chorus and bridge, I'm done. It leaves room for improvisation. Now will I have the time to perform these songs? The temp job has great acoustics! My apartment does NOT. I dont know where I can really play these things. I also can't find my tripod. I think it might be in my car though. I'll have to dig thru the beach shit to see if its in there.

This blog is really random. I felt like writing one but its very uninteresting, talking about summer band, which most people dont' even know that I do this, and don't give a shit (which is why noone comes to see me play). But WHATEVS!

I finally got paid after going almost 5 days with no money, eating whatever edible crap I have left at home, eating once at the temp assignment, and rehearsing out in the sweltering heat. My check didn't get accepted in the ATM, of course,so I had to deposit with a teller. The ATM gives me cash asap. The teller deposits don't. Luckally my stimulus check was accepted by the ATM and I got $25 whole dollars to eat with. Spent 7. Will get gas. I have so many things to do now and I'm waiting for one more check tomorrow.

Oil Change, gas, eye exam, 2 cavities filled, new box of contact lenses, bills, AC fee, groceries, car wash (my car is so filthy its ridic), season beach pass, kayak paddle leash, big dry bag, flare for the ocean, and pay XM radio. I'm sure thers more. And I'm sure I'll be broke again by Sat. Ah the life of an unemployed person! Still pushing on looking for a job. Nothing but temp jobs out there tho'. Thats what I do now. Temp. i'm so sick of temping. But that helps me survive, so...

Oh, so after band theres fireworks. I really am not into them. Everyone else stars at them in wonder. They're not that impressive to me. They do them all the time at the shore. I watch them from my Bathroom (best seat in the house, not cuz i'm always in there! but because thats where you can see them from ). I just got in the car (i drove cuz i came straight from running errands to band and sat outside in the sauna .....er.... boardwalk), and drove straight home and went straight into a cold shower. I feel much better now and I really hope that this heat wave shit is almost over. I like the nights when we play and its like 73 and breezy since we play right by the ocean. But the nights lately are 93 and humid stagnant air.

Now I'm looking for some trashy reality show to watch to amuse myself before bed time. I'm pretty hyped up (always am at this time of nite esp if I'm out doing something), so sleeping is gonna be difficult. Ireally wish I had a job that goes with my nocturnal nature. I can sleep FINE during the day! Its getting to bed bfore midnight thats the problem.

Ok this was an uneventful blog. I got it out of my system. I dont knwo why I'm even gonna post it on facebook.... but. Maybe someone'll be bored and read it, as I was bored in writing it. *shrug*.

G'nite

Rebound Relationships

Are you in a rebound relationship? To those who are, please read this article. If you are gonna ask me "is this meant for me?", maybe just the fact that you even think it's about you means you are in this situation.
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Breaking up with a beloved one is hard, and while there are people who aren't upset if they just broke with the love of their life, many other people can't get over an ex for months and years. Sure, an ex belongs to the past and the sooner one forgets him or her, the better. However, rushing into a rebound relationship is not the way to forget an ex.

Rebound Relationships Defined
A rebound relationship is relationship forned when a person, who has just ended an affair with somebody he or she loved a lot, jumps into a new relationship in an attempt to heal his or her broken heart. A rebound relationship could be a one-night stand, but usually it is a longer-term relationship. The rebound date could be a really nice person but it could also be a random guy or girl.



Read more at Suite101: Rebound Relationships are Unhappy Relationships: Starting a New Relationship is Not the Way to Forget an Ex http://dating.suite101.com/article.cfm/rebound_relationships_are_unhappy_relationships#ixzz0ro55uAJW

The purpose of the rebound relationship is to forget the ex. Also, many people have fear of being single and if they had been dumped, a rebound relationship looks like a life-jacket. Needless to say, love is the last thing found in a rebound relationship. Rebound relationships can be short but they can also last for a long time.

Examples of Rebound Relationships
Rebound relationships come in many flavors, but one of the signs all rebound relationships have in common is that they are unhappy relationships – for one or both of the partners. For instance, if one of the partners has been dumped and he or she starts seeing somebody new, when the previous partner calls, the dumped one rushes back into the relationship and dumps the rebound date. For the rebound date, this situation is very hard to handle because it feels as if he or she is dumped because of doing something wrong, while the truth is that he or she has simply been used by his or her partner as a way to find some comfort.

CLICK FOR RELATED CONTENT
Uncoupling's First Stage: Relationship Secrets
Blindsided, the left, or the person broken up with, does not realize that the initiator has been uncoupling for years. Uncoupling starts with secrets.Another case of an unhappy rebound relationship is when the dumped one finds a new date and the new date takes advantage of his or her broken heart. There are many such cases and sometimes it is quite possible to see that somebody in a rebound relationship marries after knowing his or her new partner for a couple of months only and becomes trapped in an unhappy relationship he or she can't easily break from. If the reader wants to read more about rebound relationships and rebound relationship stories, Rebound Relationships is one of the places to start with.


Generally, the best way to deal with a rebound relationship is to end it right away. Yes, it might feel hard to do it, but this is really the best move in such a situation.

Cruise Tomorrow!!!

Yay! Tomorrow is my cruise and I'm so hyper and excited just to get the HELL out of HERE! I hope I can sleep tonight. i still have so much to do, like my nails, and get layers trimmed in my hair and getting contact lens solution, and a few other thingamajigs, then wait for my temp pay (even tho I get 2 checks a week they're smaller and I STILL feel like I have no money). I want my temp check so I can pay some bills before departing. Most bills are due the day I get back =(.

I wanna pay em so I can go with a relaxed mindset of not having anything to come back and worry about. Of course I need more money,esp since I had to buy a suitcase and stuff, and I went out for thai one night w/ a friend. But I'm bringing $160 with me for my cruise acct and then just have to buy lunch, water and admission to whatever in Canada on Sat. If I dont' spend $160 I get it back. I dont think I will. I'm not really a big drinker and alkee is the only thing you really pay for.

Gonna TRY to go to sleep soon. Gonna TRY to get up at 7 (ha!) so I can finish packing, go do the hair thing, ok maybe 8. 7 is unneccesary. I can see where this is going. Jen is gonna have to wake me up on this cruise cuz otherwise I aint getting up til NOON! eff that. She's an early bird and I'm a night owl. This is gonna be interesting. I CAN get up.... I just need a reason TO get up.

CIAO!!!

Slum

The place I'm working at as a rental agent is the shittiest apartment complex I've ever seen! This isn't actually it (pictured), but even online the picture was probably taken 2 decades ago, so it doesn't capture the derelict state of the complex today.

When I interviewed, I had to go to another complex in Highland Park. The complex where the main office is located was kinda on the shitty side. But I figued they'd be the typical 70s brick garden apartments which genrally have cheaper rents for people who need them. Shit, my rent is cheaper and my apartment is in much better condition. I just dont like my kitchen.

When I met with the owner, a hasidic jew named Ari, he made it sound like the complex was so nice and that we'd be rented out by the end of June. My job was to sit in the office and try get the place rented. No prob. Its the Jersey shore. Its summer. The place should sell it self. I'm not doing sales, so I really don't have to get out there and pimp the place but I have to get people to fill out applications.

On my first day (my first time seeing the complex), I drove up and was like "oh............" They WERE 70s looking garden apartments but were not maintained AT ALL! There were shutters that were rotted, moldy and falling off the building, gutters hanging off, cracked cement stairs, broken doors, weeds all over the place, crap like lawn furniture and decorations out in the grass in frontn of the apt (usually not allowed in the front of apts!) . I knew right away it was gonna be hard to rent a place like this.........unless it was to white trash or something. So ok, maybe I can get some white trash to fill out applications then.

A week after I started, I started heariing other tenants complaing to me. I had to write an introductory letter, I had no computer, printer, fax for a week - and I sitll have no internet! I'm on stolen wifi)to introduce myself to the tenants. I walked around at 5:15 to distribute them. Thinking 15 min was enough time so I could leave at 5:30. As went up to the doors to put the letters in the mailboxes, people stopped me to complain. They said the complex was falling apart. They showed me things in their houses, on their porches and stairs and balconies. At 6:30 I was done (its a small complex) and although I made a little extra money that day, I felt bad for these people! The company I'm temping for recently bought this property because the original owners died. I have heard that ever since this company took over, it's been horrible and no repairs are being made.

The super and other tenants told me that ceilings have fallen down, bathrooms have mold in them, there are ants, roaches, the windows are cheap and the place has been robbed several times. The windows look thin, and probably are the originals. The air conditioners too look like the originals and alot of tenants are complaining the ACs are broken. THe people here take their sweet time to order new ones. The super sleeps til 11 everyday and the maintence man,from the caribbean works his ass off doing hard labor for $10/hr! He's thinking of quitting! He should!

The whole complex is crumbling and one guy can't do everything. This place is a lawsuit waiting to happen. I woiuldn't want to live here! People are moving out like crazy, and of all the people who've seen the place, noone wants to fill out an application!

The Jew owner makes it seem like its my fault. I'm not a sales person. If I was getting commission (i e - MORE MONEY) I'd try harder but since I'm not, and I'm just an hourly temp, I don't. Plus, this isn't someplace you buy. You rent here. And as another tenant told me, it does not attract the market they want it to. It attracts mostly white trash and the elderly who live on low Social Security incomes.

Everyone who comes comments on the condition of the property. One guy who came yesterday said the balcony looked like it was gonna crumble. He said "You go out on the balcony first." I refused to go. I think by my refusal he knew something was up. No way in hell am I going on a rotted wood 1970s balcony when I have no health insurance! I have enough medical debt due to routine shit and stress related problems, thank you! Don't need any more! Noone seems to be suing. I'd defintely sue tho'. They have those lawyers that help unemployed people. Maybe my dad could sue. He has money. My dad sues everybody. Thats probably why he has so much $.

To welcome you into this lovely establishment, there is a mattress and box spring on the grass outside the development that someone dumped there. Noone has picked it up. The super says the garbage truck is supposed to pick it up. It hasn't. Bulk pick up is Wednesday and it's been there since last MONDAY! The garbage area, instead of a nice little dumpster with a fence , is an open dumptser with lots of little garbage cans next to it stuffed to capacity with SHIT, old tvs,beer bottles, furniture, toys, clothes, and they tip over and look a mess. . There is a sewage leak coming out of one of the apts which leaks into the parking lot forming a puddle of green sludge, and weeds growing in the cracks in the concrete. Peoples' mismatched lawn furniture is outside, along with grills, old phone books and storage bins.

I wouldn't want to live here. Its on the water (the shrewsbury river) and if this place were nicer,it could be a nice place to live. But its a health hazard! I have not had one application since I've been here. People come here and run. And its hard to make excuses for the poor state of this complex. I dont know if that means i'll get the ax after my vacation or not. I may just cuz they might need someone here period and they'll end my assign and send another temp.

I dont mind working here cuz its easy money and I watch dvds all day and get online when I can pick up the neighbors' wifi. But it gives me money to have a social life. On my UE alone I was really struggling and it's so hard to get by on that. This gives me a safety net and a source of happiness that I can be 'normal' for a while.

I just can't believe the condition of this place, and how noone is doing anything about it. They're threatening to kick residents out early if the dont sign the new lease (which arrived 3 mo prior to their renewal date). They have 15 days to sign a new lease. I think maybe they want as many people out as possible so they can maybe renovate? Not sure. Kinda hard when the one guy doing the renovating is threatening to quit, and the guy is too cheap to hire proper contractors to do it.

Homeboy gon' get sued right up the kosha kiester!

*shakes head*

P.s - once again I dont' know why this is all run together in one paragraph. I spaced it out and edited to re-space it but nothing worked =( . I dont know why this happens.

Dresses, diets, and missing shoes

Today I had a pretty relaxing day. I slept til 1pm (*yes!!!!*), my friend came over w/ her doggies to chat, I took a nap on the beach (why do I need to take a nap when I slept til 1 is beyond me... probably because I only slept 7hrs and I need 9), got a nice tan, and came home and showered.

So after my shower I decided to pull out some dresses that I want to wear for the cruise. I didn't know if they'd all fit. Some I wear now and have been wearing for years. Some are not cut out for the cruise, some may be too tight, and I know one needs to be taken in at the stomach (a problem for big boobed people =/).

Everything checked out ok, except with the white dress I want to wear for formal night. I wore it last 2yrs ago OUT, but put it on here and there for profile pics and such since then. Its a little tight at the boob area (figures!!!) and it zips in the back. It zips fine til it gets to the top. Basically I need to lose some boob and PRONTO! (well.......I always thought I could lose some boob).

I recently started this diet (and then cheated this morning by eating garlic chicken with linguini, vodka sauce, sundried tomatos and basil. I wanted to eat REAL food! I dont deal w/ dieting well. I am a connoisseur of fine foods and like to eat good stuff! But being unemployed doesn't always allow me to eat well. I've had lots of stretches of oatmeal and granola diets, and rice diets (altho its not really a diet i did lose weight). I really hate eating tasteless food. But my thoughts right now are, just dont be HUNGRY. I'll eat good stuff on the cruise and most likely gain all the weight back cuz I'll binge eat since I was restricting myself, but if I can just wear the white dress i'll be ok. I dont really have anything else to wear to formal night! I have evening gowns but they were from before my weight gain. I weighed 150-160 when I wore those dresses. Now well.... lets not go there.

At my temp assign, I bought a carton of egg whites for $5.99, some frozen veggies and I made egg white omlettes. I am continuing to do this at home. I know I'm not gonna be taking in enough calories by eating only egg whites and veggies but... I really need to drop weight fast. and It aint like I'm starving myself. Lets see how long I can keep this up. I got paid early yesterday so I have some money. I hung the dress up on my closet door to look at it, to remind me why I'm doing this. I am also incorporating chicken into this diet w/ only veggies. No carbs (except this mornign when I cheated). I HATE veggies! This is why I tend to binge because theres nothing on my plate that I LIKE. Idont know how this will pan out but I'm not starving myself but merely doing a super calorie reduction. But I'm active and need more cals than a sedentary person. when I ate weight watchers meals I was starving and weak and tired and i knew I wasnt taking in enough calories. You can't win. Lets see how this plays out tho'. I'm sure I'll lose something!

Egg white omlette w/ spinach. I've been using an assortment of frozen veggies. Either way, I dont like the food. =p~

Another issue I have is I lost my silver stilettos. I brought them to AC earlier this year and wanted to wear them tonight to AC for my friends bday din. I haven't seen them since the last AC trip. I know I didn't leave them cuz we got everything from the room. I really have no other nice shoes to wear to a formal evening and to my own bday. I will wear my silver flats tonight but have to really go thru everything and my car to try to find these shoes. I need at least one pair of going out shoes. I don't know if I will be able to buy more.

Bday -

My bday is a-comin' up! I still am trying to find a place to eat that everyone will like, agree with pricewise, and is decent. I refuse to eat at Applebees, Fridays, Tuesdays, Chilis or any of those franchises! Everything else is upscale with dishes ranging from $18 for pasta to $35 to filet mignon. Other option is bar food. Thats not exactly what I had in mind. I know my outing is gonna be expensive. It s hould be looked at as a weekend activity, not necc as a birthday. I dont' know. I 'm thinking Lake House (pictured below). The inside is a bar w/ bands (not my thing - i hateeee alternative rock!!), but the outside is really pretty and its on a lake w a fountain. I went there once for wsomeone else's bday. The food is eh. Nothing special. Its american. But it may be the best bet pricewise. I DEF want to sit outside. Otherwise, I ain 't going there.

Parasailing prices went up to $65/per person =/ Its not much. I'm gonna try to get a group discount also. I wish I didn't have such expensive taste! Esp since I am only temping.

I ate an egg white omlette 3o min ago and am still STARVING! I gotta leave tho for AC so maybe I'll make another one and eat it when i get there.I'm just gonna have like 2 drinks at Buddakhan and hang out for a while (not a gambler) and head home. Got a drs appt and its a supa long drive. I kinda don't want to go but..... I promised I would.

The Latest

So I'm at a new temp assignment, and it never fails to be an interesting experience. I have temped over 30 times since getting laid off, and usually I get the shittiest, most menial jobs you could imagine. I've had some good ones, but the good ones are few and far between. My most recent one is as a rental agent for an apartment complex. The complex is run down, and shitty. I was told I would be in the "rental office", which I assumed was an actual office. I was supposed to start Monday, and I arrived at the location and parked by the rental office sign. The apartment closest to it looked like it was occupied because the bathroom window (tiny window - it's usualy the bathroom) had shampoo bottles on the windowsill. The back door had 2 cats looking out at me. It looked like someone LIVED there. I didn't want to knock on the door at 9am to someone's personal apt. I waited to see if one of the sales people from the realty group would come. Noone did.

I waited until 9:30, and called the temp agency. With this particular agency, the last time I worked with them, I was sent somewhere and I waited an hour for the person to come! He either totally forgot I was coming, or just didn't give a shit. Either way.... Alot of temp agencies are scatterbrained and this one is one of them! Acutally lemme give a little back story about this...

I interviewed for this job 2 weeks ago. I was told the same day that I got the job. I was told by the temp agency that they'd let me know about my start date. Days passed, and I heard nothing. By Friday, I still had no news, so I called them again asking when I start. The woman said I start on Monday. Well.............it'd be nice to LET ME KNOW THIS!!! She asked if anyone called me to tell me, and I said no. So that leaves us where I left off: me sitting there not sure where to go, or who to meet.

The agency (on my first day), tells me they don't know who I'm supposed to be working with, if anyone, and where I should go. The recruiter said she was going to call the company to find out. This should've been done before I started. 30 min later, they call me back, and say noone is coming. The phones aren't set up yet and I should just go home. Great... I had a court date to fight another bogus parking ticket that day and could've been productive and done THAT! I took my ass home and went back to bed. I was told I would be starting on Wed.

So TUESDAY, they call me saying I need to go to another location to "cross train" with someone. I love how they make it sound so important. Lets just say, I went to the location and sat in the sales office staring at the pool for 1hr, then was brought over to this property and left here. Cross training my ass. I just drove 40 min out of my way to be escorted back here. What a waste of gas. I'm practically on E right now, and broker than hell.

So I'm left at the "office" which is an unoccupied apartment with no phone, no fax, no desk, no fridge, no soap in the bathroom, no toilet paper, ants (big ones!) running around, dirty windows and floors and rented furniture (couch table and loveseat) for me to sit on. Um ok.... I was told theres internet, but no computer and no cord. My first day after I was left there I sat there.... staring at the wall and thinking all day until a woman came to look at the apts. The apts are shitty. The rents are reasonable but sadly I dont even meet the income requirements anymore to even live here (not that I'd want to). I broguth my own laptop and a box full of dvds. My internet (I'm stealing wifi from other tenants) fades in and out and it's frustrating. I asked the office if they could bring me a long ethernet cable, and the girl had no idea what it even was. The service provider is Verizon Fios here. I guess they use ethernet. The connection supposedly is in the wall. No modem. Assuming it even works. I have no fridge here and have to buy 4 bottles of water a day and by the end of the day they're warm. Gotta start freezing them. The tap water taste like runoff from a chemical plant *blegh* and I'm out of Kangen water and have no time to get any from Toms River. I think a place in Avon should be selling it by now. I hope so anyway! THat water (antioxident, alkalinized water) has really been working for me full force now. I hate to be off it.

Back to the topic...
Its from seeing these apts, that makes me realize how good I have it in Ocean Grove. My apt is NYC sized (post war sized). Tiny. But in good condition. Nothing is falling apart. Everything works. No bugs. Clean. And my rent is $100 lower than this joint. I have a smaller living room and bedroom but I live a block from the ocean. This place is on a back bay of the Navesink. I am really grateful for the good deal I have. And once I get a job and get back into normal people mode again, I'd like to upgrade to a place w/ a bigger living room,dining area (for dinner parties), and a terrace with an ocean view. But based on the economy, thats still years away.


My cruise is like 12 days away now! I can't wait to get the FUCK out of here! I don't have much money at all these days (temping should help me have some spending money), but I am determined to enjoy these 4 glorious days at sea. I want to swim, eat, come back 10lbs heavier (well, I don't WANT to be 10lb heavier but we all know I will be!), tan, explore, get dressed up, see shows and be entertained like the princess that I am, and did I mention eat? I get paid right before the cruise sets sail, so I want to buy a new rolling suitcase and get a mani/pedi and maybe a nice evening dress.....who am I kidding? Can I really afford that on what I'm making now? I dunno.... I have a white dress that is shorter that could be 'eveningish'. I can make myself look like I have alot of money. Even though that couldn't be further from the truth. I did ok before the economic collapse. I forgot what its like to shop. Anyway, this cruise is right before my 30th birthday so its a nice present to myself. I just hope its sunny, warm, and non humid for the trip.

American Idol is one of the nation's most popular shows. I watched it once. It was even my favorite show the first season. Ya know, the one that made Kelly Clarkson a stah? But after that, it got so repetative and boring that I got sick of it. I caught episodes here and there, but didn't watch it much at all. I mostly heard about the contestants on shows like Access Hollywood and Extra. Last night was the season finale. I didn't know that since I don't watch it, but I saw a blip on facebook from Daryl Hall's fanpage (from Hall & Oates : think "whoa-oh here she comes....watch out boy, she'll chew you up....whoa-oh here she comes....she's a maneater). Know who I mean now? K good! Yeah Daryl or his webperson....whoever that is said to watch American Idol *wink wink*,so reluctantly I agreed. I hoped his ass would be on!

So for those who don't know, I go thru stages of artist obsession (not really obsession but you know what I mean). All the old artists from the 80s I grew up with, I suddenly re-discover and listen to their music constantly. I did it with Michael Jackson after he died, then Debbie Gibson, and now Hall and Oates. I never really noticed how cute Daryl hall was......WAS! He's 63 now and WAYYYY too old even for moi, even though Kristina, Yaas and Preci are gonna say otherwise. But in the 70s and 80s mannnnnn..........hahaha! Dont' get me wrong, he looks good for his age though. So Hall and Oates WERE on American Idol. All the male contestants sang Maneater, I can't go for that and I forget what else. Then Hall & Oates came out singing You Make My Dreams Come True. Not my fave song. But hey it was nice seeing them. I've been watching Live From Daryl's House lately. Its like a show every month. I love it. But yeah Daryl Hall.........I luv him! *sigh* I was watching old vids and live shows from when he was young yesterday. haha.

Daryl Hall (this pic has to be older cuz he looks quite a bit younger here than he does now) But whatever. Its his facebook pic.

So after Hall and Oates, I changed the channel cuz I did not want to see that SHIT on my tv (American Idol) any more than I had to. Then I get a BBM from Kristina telling me Bret Michaels was on! Bret just had a brain hemmorage, stroke , hole in his heart, and before allt hat, an emerg appendectomy) Poor guy =(. He just won the Celebrity Apprentice and then low and behold he was signing on American Idol. I

I made some progress with the Heather vs Monmouth Medical situation. I had a few issues lately and being hypochondriac that I am (I always think I'm dying of some disease or another), I went to the ER but for good reason this time. Another issue was discovered in the process. I tried to get it checked out but because I'm unisured, I hit roadblock after roadblock of trying to get to a Dr. I go to the county clinic which I DO NOT recommend unless you're desperate like me (they're hte only one's who'll see uninsured people) and I was given the runaround. I need a referral to go to another clinic to check out the issue and the Dr at the clinic kept wanting me to come back numerous times and pay just to chat with her. Then she wants more tests done after I was in the ER, got billed $1800, and was told I need to see a [given specialist]. Then my calls to the clinic went unreturned for weeks and I was getting really pissed off. I was put on blood pressure pills after ER visit cuz I was super super stressed over money mostly. Nothing short of finding a job will fix that. But they made me so weak that I couldn't really get off the couch or even walk. I almost fell a few times too. My bp reading was lower OFF the medication than on it. Plus I've calmed down stresswise since I'm temping now and will be making a lil' extra cash. Its all related to money. Some drs dont think I should be on it cuz my bp ranges from 130/80 (lately which is kind of high but not TOO bad) to astronomically off the charts when I'm fighting my daily poor person battles.

So anyway the clinic Dr called this morning. She wont give me a referral to [specialist] cuz i'm on charity care and you basically have to be fucking dying to be covered. So I have to get one more test done. She said the issue could really be stress related and nothing major. A few friends I've talked to have had this issue too and were told it was common and minor so.......we'll see!

This is the longest I've been on the internet at this temp job without the wifi dropping me. My boss (a hasidic jew named Ari) haha is supposedly on his way over here. Why I don't know. I hope they see the condition of this place and bring me an ethernet cord, soap for the bathroom, toilet paper (i brought MY OWN here) and put in a working fridge so I can have access to COLD water. Noone has come to see apts after Tuesday. I wonder why! The ants in this apt dont help. I just hope none of them hitch a ride home in my bag! Writing this killed some time. Its 12. I take lunch at 1pm. Dunno what I'm gonna do today cuz I'm supa broke. I can buy something off the dollar menu I guess. YUM. *roll eyes*. I hate fast food. =p

I'll prob write again after my cruise or if something remotely interesting happens before then. Or if something pisses me off and I want to vent. (Ha!) Like that doesn't happen every second of every day.

Reflections of the way it used to be

Diana Ross couldn't have said it better.

Spent alot of time remembering the old days. When I was happy. When I was employed. When I had money. When I belonged. When I was equal. When I was stress-free. When I was calm. When I enjoyed life.

Where are those days now?

With a recent health scare and sitll no clear answers ( I slip thru the cracks due to my being poor and uninsured), I feel like an empty shell of a person. I'm miserable. I'm enraged. I'm stressed. My health has declined. My hair is turning white.

Who is this person , and what have they done w/ the old me?????

*sigh*

Dunno whats gonna happen next. I hope I get a break soon. Can't go on like this much longer. I'm losing the battle. As anyone who knows me knows. Poverty and bad luck are majorly kicking my ass. And to top it off I really don't feel like I belong anywhere anymore.

FINALLY!!!! A POOL!!!

Ever since I've moved here I have been looking for a pool to become a member of. Alot of nearby shore towns have pools. And all of them you have to be a resident or be sponsored by a resident. I don't happen to know any residents in those towns to sponsor me. I've wanted to belong to the Deal Casino cuz they have a huge outdoor salt water pool but again I need to be sponsored by a member.

So I was sitting outside today and my neighbor mentiones something about the pool. I was like "what pool?" And she was like "you didn't know? theres a new aquatic center in [our town]. Its' really cheap for residents. Its open now. " So I ran upstairs to look it up. Low and behold there IS an aquatic center! Its cheap for residents and finally I don't need anyone to sponsor me. I'm gonna go buy a pass tomorrow. Def well worth it! I'm not temping, school's almost done for me, but the high school/elementary school kids are in school til around my bday (late june). Nows a good time to go get my swim on. =D

Below are some pics of the pool. The bad thing is its indoors But I winder of theres a retractable roof.

Indoor pool is good cuz if its cold/raining you can still swim. And it looks like this'll be a year round venue so I can swim in the winter too. I LOVEEEEE to swim so I will def buy the membership. I just hope the ghetto people in my town (I l ive in a borough of a bigger township and the township has alotta ghetto people. My borough doesn't. It's mostly artsy people, young people like me, old ppl and gays - meaning its clean and full of artsy type events and....well you get the picture) will RESPECT the aquatic center, and not deface things and wreck things and trash it. Only time will tell. But I don't have any other choices to swim elsewhere since I live in THIS town.

Survey

Bored....

1. What did you eat for breakfast?

The company I'm at now bought bagels but we were told that temps cant' partake in bagel day but I took a bagel anyway! Noone saw.

2. What about lunch?

protein bar.

3. Dinner?

Dry Whole wheat Total cereal. Wow I had no meat today!

4. Did you go anywhere today?

Temp assign, and Shop Rite for Worcestershire sauce.

5. What color is your car?

Silver

6. Do you live in the city/country?

Ummmmm city kinda. I mean the jersey shore is very developed. Definitely not country. I temp in the country though and I HATE it!

7. What is bothering you at this very moment?

My eyes are itchy, watery, and my nose is running from this damn pollen!

8. Name somethings you always HAVE to have at your house.

Febreze (there are 2 chain smokers - one across the hall and one downstairs). I'm sick of breathing in ALL this crap but, rather breathe febreeze than smoke. I like to have basil in my house - the live plant - i've been meaning to plant some since my kitchen has light all day. Gotta get on that. Also Cucumber soap. I bought a huge value pack of it when I still had money.

9. What's your fave restauarant?

Siam Basil for takeout. I dont' really get to go out to eat too much. Its mostly takeout. I like the indian buffet too in Ocean. But its nothing special decor wise but the all u can eat buffet is the shit!

10.What's your fave genre of food?

Thai/Indian

11. What's your least?

Mexican, Seafood (I wont even eat seafood), Sushi

12. What time do you go to bed?

Lately 11 or 12ish, which is too late with the schedule I have. Ive been getting 6/7hrs a night all week and I'm DEAD right now.

13. How's the nightlife in your town?

HA! OG is not the place to go for night life! But the next town over has alot of restaurants and lounges/bars, and so does Belmar. OG is quiet. I dn't wanna live in a bar town. I can walk at night w/ no worries here.

14. Furthest place you've traveled?

Barcelona, Spain

15. Any vacations?

Going to St. John in June. Glad I was able to buy the tix 2 mo ago! I def couldn't afford it now!

16. Addictions?

Carvel Ice cream cake.

17. Drugs?

I don't believe in drugs unless there's a valid reason to take them.

18. Some of your hobbies?

Ice skating, cooking, artistic makeup, swimming, kayaking, watersports, outdoor activities, performing (instrumental), and interior design.

19. Best compliment you've received?

That my friends think I'm a good cook and liked my food.

20. If you could live anywhere, where would it be?

Here, just a bigger house, ocean front, no smokers in sight, w/ a winter pent house in Miami Beach.

21. Is anything on you (body parts) fake?

Just eyelashes.... only for concerts n' special occasions though.

22. Tattoos/piercings?

I had a belly ring, but I lost 20lbs after I got it (the flu.......figures) and the ring had to come out cuz there was barely any skin holding the ring on. I have a tattoo on my back. Want another one but finding a place is difficult. Since I'm heavier now. I'm hesitant cuz I htink I willl lose weight this yr cuz of money and lack of luxurious food items from here on out. Eh we'll wait n see. I wnat some kind of words in a place I can hide of course.

23. What do you see to your left?

A lamp, fake plant, glass of agua, blackberry.

24. What are you watching on tv?

Nothing much. I'm concentrating on doing this lovely teen written survey to kill time til the ghost stuff is on at 1am! I love ghost programs. I'm not a believer tho'. But i like to watch.

25. Time period you'd like to go back to/experience?

The 1940s. I liked the hair styles, and the nightlife in NYC back then. I would've liked to have seen it in person.

26. What kind of sheets do you have?

White damask stripe. Got em from my Macys shopping spree that Rachael Ray gave us for Xmas!

27. Do you have a flat screen tv?

Nope =( Wanted one but i am still unemployed so... that'll be a purchase once I'm employed at a decent paying job again. It'd prob go in the living room tho'. I want a samsung 40" !

28. Name a place in this country you've never been to.

California

29. Do you eat pork?

Yep!

30. Go to church regularly?

HA! No. Only for funerals. Church is boring and such bullshit. The dead Jesus statues disturb me.

31. Do you have any pets?

No. I love animals but always end up in pet-free apts cuz the rent is lower. I hope I can at least get a cat someday but I like big dogs. German Shepherds.

32. What do you see out the nearest window?

The bed n' breakfast 2 houses away. Not much of a view in this apt. But it gets sun all day. The best view is on the porch. You can see the ocean and boardwalk.

33. Do you have bunkbeds?

Nope!

34. Like anyone?

Eh, this Doctor, is always eye candy, and ther was frmr marine at my last temp job (he wasn't a temp) but I'm not there anymore.

35. What kind of cell phone do you have?

Blackberry

36. Favorite perfume/cologne?

I still love gucci rush! I also like Chanel Chance and Mademoiselle. I should've bought some when I still had $. I guess I missed out on that. I have Malaia perfume from Hollister and 2 victoria secret perfumes to use for now.

37. How do you like your coffee?

Don't do coffee. Used to do soda instead in the mornigs, but altely its too sugary for me. I still drink it but just once in a while. Always from a CAN (it tastes better)

38. Longest car ride?

I dont DO long rides.

39. Longest bus ride?

8hr from Barcelona to Madrid. My friend and I took ambiens tho' and slept thru the whole trip. IT was funny cuz we stopped at a service area which wasn't like our service areas here in the US. It was just a wooden structure and they only sold baked stuff like pastries at the place. No BK, noRoy Rogers =(. We were so sleepy and we could hardly walk straight. I dont know why we even got off the bus at the service area.

40. Any fake teeth?

I have one cap. I had a root canal 2yrs ago right when i lost my job. My dad had to pay for it and he was PISSED! All my other teef are real.

41. Almost over! Are you relieved?

Eh, whatever. The ghost show isn't on yet.

42. Latest gadgets?

I got a GPS from my Macys spree. I really don't NEED one. I have a pretty good sense of direction, but I like to LOOK at it (it was free so who cares!!!) Its nice to have it tho' for the few times I went somewhere new. I dont htink Iv'e gotten any new gadgets lately but I love gadgets! I had the GPS since xmas tho'. Not really that new.

43. When you go out, what do you rock?

Jewelery, and some kinda makeup. I like makeup artestry and fake eyelashes too
(sometimes)

44. What school do you go to?

THe local community college. I think I'll be there FOREVER. I really don't like going to school.

45. How would you categorize yourself?

Jock, nerd, prep, goth, hippy, badass, barbie, hipster?

Ummmm probably part barbie, part badass.

46. What is something you like to watch on tv?

Intervention, Hoarders, Celebrity Rehab (or whatever show Dr Drew is doing these days), True Life, House Hunters, Divine Design, Ghost Hunters

47. How many mirrors in your house?

Casa de Heather is FULL o mirrors! Not cuz I'm vain, but I have a circle/square pattern of lil' mirrors in my living room. I dont know how many there are, and aI have a huge one in my room.

48. What are you doing this weekend?

Making up a quiz (again), going to Psychology class, Garden State Philharmonic concert, then Sunday, hopefully not much (hope to get outside for ONCE!)

49. How far are you from the ocean?

Like 60 seconds (walking)

50. What are you doing now?

Laying in bed w/ the laptop. But my ghost show is on! Good timing! I'll watch the ghost thing til I fall asleep. I can sleep til12 tomorrow! *relief*