One thing I really wanted to write about, is another social type issue that I see alot of, and lost some friends to... Clingy, codependent relationships. So I'm sure this blog will defintely offend someone, but too bad. It is what it is. I think basically all my blogs will offend people though.
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As I was looking through various facebook profiles, you can clearly see who they are. When every single profile picture of theirs, is them and their boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife. Every single one. Nothing wrong w/ posting pics of you and your sig other. But when every one on YOUR (note the word "your") profile, which is supposed to be about YOU, is the both of you, maybe you should step back a little and ask if you're being super clingy.
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Does it affect me? Usually, no. I just find it so annoying, just like overly hoity toity people at a country club discussing yesterdays polo match, and how the help ruined their $20,000 Gucci gown by spilling a glass of $500 wine on it while bringing it to your ass on a silver platter. LOL. But in some cases it does. I have lost a few good friends to this since they virtually disappear when they get a bf, and only really see their friends as "backup" when the guy isn't around, or if they've had a fight, or broken up. I don't want to be your '''backup''' friend. Therefore, I really don't make an effort anymore. I spend my time with my friends who want to hang out with me whenever. Not just when their sig other isn't available.
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Lets take one person. We'll call her Miss C. I have noticed that all of Miss C's pictures are of her and her now husband. But the kicker is, she's literally hanging on the poor guy in every picture. I mean she's pretty and shouldn't have self esteem issues I wouldn't think but these pictures really seem to say "My husband is my WORLD". Now dont get me wrong. In a perfect world, I'd' be married by now, with 2 kids, but I could never see myself HANGING on a guy like that, nonstop, unable to detach from his side. I like my independance. I like my space. I like to hang out with the girls too, and its not healthy to spend all your time with one person. Not even if its one friend. If I ever became that clingy, someone please shoot me! But to reiterate, Miss C is either latched on to her hubby's arm , or he has his arm around her (he doesn't seem clingy. Only her). She seems noticibly happier when she's hanging on him. In pics of her and her friends, yeah sh e looks happy, but you can tell in pics w/ him, her self esteem is sky rocketing upwards.
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Miss C seems to be the most extreme case I've seen lately, but there are a few more. I've had a friend blow me of countless times to accomodate her bf. If she has plans w/ me or other friends, she'll just not show up, or not answer the phone if you try to call her. She honestly thinks its ok to blow off your friends for a guy. As if a guy is a good enough reason. I think she doens't 'think its ok to blow off in general. Only if its for a guy. Thats Jr High right there. This friend 'promises' they definitely want to hang out, catch up, have dinner, see a show, etc. Then it never happens. Cuz the bf wants to come that weekend. If that person wants to isolate themselves from everyone (I'm sure she does this to everyone else too), then fine. Just don't bitch and say I never invite you anywhere, I cuz I do. I've made it a point to invite those friends who have since disappeared, so I can see how things are going. I know I don't call people anymore. I just fell out of that habit after some drama that happened personally with someone unrelated and an unrelated topic, but I do try to get together w/ friends as often as I can. Some of them say they feel isolated or whatever, when the fact is, they isolated themselves.
That person lost all her friends. She now has noone but the bf. I barely talk to her anymore. But when I do, she definitely makes it clear that she has noone left but him. She made it that way. She couldve had everyone. But she wanted only one. Noone made them choose. They felt there was only room for one person I guess. I guess I'll never understand that. For me, the more people to hang out with, the better! Whether I'm in a relationship or not.
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Look at Heidi Montag from the Hills. Bad example, I know. But if you watch the show, you will see the progression that when she was with Spencer, she spent all her time with him, and eventually she lost all her friends. All they have is eachother. Heidi's mom said on one episode something like "'If you break up with Spencer, you have noone. No friends left."' Why would you put yourself in a situation like that. Do they think their friends are gonna stick around when you get blown off, or never make the effort to hang out? Probably not.
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What made me write this? Probably being blown off so many times. Trying to figure out why they think its ok. But back to the main problem, the codependancy....
So I read that its usually a rebound, they will rush to get married, then realize they made a mistake. I think one couple is a good match. One is definitely NOT, and the other it seems to be. The one thats not...the girl needs a man at all times. She feels incomplete w/ out a boyfriend. I have a relative like this too. As long as she has a man, she's happy (outwardly anyway, til you hear her bitch about him later on the rare occasions that you talk), it doesn't matter who the guy is, as long as he treats her well and they get along. They settle for anything even tho the guy may hold her back from doing what she likes to do. She becomes what he is. She likes what he likes. Also something I've noticed w/ one of those people mentioned above is that they hardly ever say the word "I" anymore. Its always "we". Obv if you're married/in a relationship there are gonna be alot of "WEs", but when there are nothing but wes?
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Another friend who I didn't think was in a codependant relationship, but she thought she was after it ended, said "I lost my identity. I was always (insert name here) and (my boyfriend). I want to be just (insert name here) now. I think she's done a good job. She has a bf, and is very social, going out w/ all her friends pretty equally it seems. ]
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I couldn't imagine being clingy. They call several times a day (with no good reason). Will sit there and watch you play a video game just to be in the same room as you (when you couldve gone and done something else), and wants to spend every waking moment with you. I'd' get tired of a person if I did that. I def would want to get out and hang w/ friends. I'm not saying I'm perfect by any means. But I guess I'm just really independant or something. Im totally fine if my bf wants to hang w/ the guys. If its all the time, its a problem. lol. I've dealt w/ that too, but that relationship is now over. But I WANT someone to hang out w/ their friends. If a guy I was with didnt have friends I would worry. I don't WANT to be the center of someone's world. I don't WANT all of his facebook profile pics to be of me and him (a few is fine). I dont WANT someone calling me 5x a day and being on the phone every free moment of time we have if they're not with me.
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Its really a shame to watch these girls isolate themselves, and god forbid their relationship doesn't work out, they'll be completely alone when its over. But friends shouldn't be used as "'backup" for their bf/hubby's lack of availability. But the problem is happening so much now, that I'm done. I wash my hands w/ those people. I have good friends who can break away from their man, if they have one, or even bring them along occasionally, but they dont have to be home, with their arms clamped around his for dear life 24/7. I see my friends alot. They are available a decent amt of times. I can plan things w/ them. And most importantly , they don't blow me off! That is what sabatoged the friendship for one of them. Maybe if she would've cancelled instead id have more respect for her. But she doesn't do that, so I don't.
They should help themselves though and allow time for friends. Even if I'm not in the picture. Just any friends. I guess dealing with the relative that's like that made me sickened by the whole thing.
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* I wrote this instead of an English paper I was supposed to do. The school wont let me into the system cuz I don't have a barcode. So.....yeah. I'll have to procrastinate and do it tomorrow (the day its due)....once again. Maybe I should do my paper on codependancy. I'll think about it. Its either illegal seal hunts, whale hunts, or that. Whatever has more info. Less work the better! lol
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