Un Fuerte Applauso Para Ti

Last night I had to play piccolo with the band. I didn't feel like the reharsal was going great because the vents were blowing cold air on us the whole night and it was so hard to tune. If you're not a musician you probably don't even know what I mean. Whatever. Not relevant. Anyway, the director made us play the Stars & Stripes Forever at the end. I was like "ughhhhh". Anyway I figured I need to start playing it publically by myself to get ready for the May 7th show. I did it. It was decent. I'd be happy if I played it that way in the concert. When I was done, because I made 3 mistakes (small ones but still), I just looked at the director, waiting for the verdict. I had no idea if he was gonna be critical, or tell me it was ok. Sometimes he's hard to read. Then everyone in the band applauded. I was SO SHOCKED. Noone ever did that before. I just wanted to write this, not to brag, but to add this to my list of memorable moments in life lol. I still can't get over that they applauded...in rehearsal no less. Wow. It definitely closed the day in a good way though. I hope I do just as well in the concert! *fingers crossed*

Piccolo - Is it a crime?

And no, I'm not talking about a Noise Violation. I just wanted to vent about my dilemma in trying to practice my piccolo. It seems like no matter how I try to practice, I get blocked, interrupted, bitched at, interrogated etc.. I feel like its a crime sometimes to play this tiny, yet annoying to some, instrument.

First a little background...

For people who don't know, the piccolo is the highest pitched instrument in an orchestra. Its pitched higher than the flute, but looks just like a mini version of it. Most piccolists have to practice with earplugs if they don't want to damage their ears. I stuff pieces of napkins in my ears, which helps alot, but I should have real earplugs.

I didn't really play it too much. I mostly play flute. I played in the summer band in my town on marches, because theres a woman who plays picc on the rest of the songs who is amazingly good and she def deserves to play. You only have a day and a half from rehearsal to concert in that band. Me being a terrible sight reader, I don't think I am even good enough to play picc in that band. But anyone with a picc (there are 3 others) can play on marches. So thats when I play. Summers only. I practice once, if I have time. If not, I play flute for the whole thing. No problems. No hassles.

Occasionally I played in the other band I'm in. In 2008 I played Stars and Stripes Forever with the piccolo player at the time, who was in High School, and was told I had to play when she missed rehearsal, which was kinda frequently. I don't think I practiced at all tho then. lol. This year, the current picc player is going to be out of town for our last concert and I was asked to play. I said I would, but I also felt like the director put me in a very bad position, as he expected me to rehearse w/ the band (he made an incorrect announcement that i was playing picc the whole season - which I wasn't), but I had to figure out how to do it and split the time w/ the current picc player. They asked me if I just wanted to play the whole time and I said I didn't want to screw over the girl who's playing now. Cuz its not fair. I missed a show last season for my cruise, and I wouldn't like if I was ousted off flute for it! I said I'll just cover for her. Thats it. I'll be able to play in OG band and the one show and I am thankful for that.

Anyway, I played picc w/ the band a few weeks ago, and I'm playing again tomorrow. That means I really have to know this stuff, inside and out. Before when I was temping, going to school every night and trying to study, it worried me that I wasn't able to dedicate the time to this like I'd like to. I almost backed out. Alotta things were going wrong in my life (as usual) that I had to dedicate alot of time, effort and energy to fix, and I didn't know if I should be playing picc. Then I thought that they were going to be upset w/ me if I backed out. I rearraged some things during the evenings so that I would be less exhausted and run around less. But where was I gonna practice?

THIS is the problem. I live in a house that is divided up into apartments. All of the neighbors are ALWAYS home. Except for the girl down the hall. People have complained. The landlord mentioned something about it, although he said I had a right to play, which I do. But the flute is one thing. Its a soprano instrument, and isn't THAT high unless you really get up into the 3rd octave. The flute can be drowned out, more or less if you crank up your tv. Which almost all my neighbors told me they do. lol But the piccolo can't be drowned out. At all. Its loud. Its shrill. Its high. Its annoying. Its deafening.

Trying to play when you know how annoying it is is hard. (at home). It really discourages me from practicing. I had practiced in my car last year when I was working on the Stars and Stripes before a concert, and I decided to resort to that method again. So, where was I gonna go?

Usually I go to a park, or a school after hours. The problem is you look "suspicious" sitting there. If I practice at a park that noone is at, all of a sudden people start coming. They walk their dogs, they walk straight up to my car (i guess they hear the music? I play along w/ youtube mobile). People are so damn nosy! So many old ladies with their dogs, mothers with children walk right up to my car and look in the window as I'm playing. Then I stop cuz its too weird. I get really annoyed because I feel like I have no privacy whatsoever, at home or outside. And I really just want to play, get it done, and go home. Its winter. Its cold. I don't leave the car on when I play, so I don't waste gas. And I'm NOT giving you a private concert!

Whether I'm at home or in a park, and there are people around, i'm always heard. If I get a new piece and I butcher it, everyone hears me butcher it. If some high notes aren't coming out that day, everyone hears that. If I repeat a line of music over and over and over trying to play it better, everyone hears it. People call me and say "I heard you playing [blablablaaa] song before..." Am I wrong for feeling fed up of constantly having to put on a show for people? Not everything I play is show worthy yet. I play alot of karaoke tracks by ear w /no music. Sometimes I do ok,sometimes I bomb it. Although I do those on flute. Never picc, but I'm still heard regardless. I just .......don't want to be heard. Thats what it comes down to.

So I go in my car to practice picc. I manage to get a show runthrough down wherever I go. And I can work on some things, but it gets kind of cold to work on TOO many things. I scare the geese when I play my picc....which was actually funny lol. But one thing I've had an issue with were COPS.

Last weekend, I was practicing at a school. Noone was there. Just the geese, who don't bitch about the noise.I ran throught hte show, high note scared them off towards the end *shrug*, and a cop car pulls up and sits about 7 spaces away from me. I stopped playing for a min, hoping he'd leave. He didn't . Then he drove by (probably scanning my plate), and drove by again. I was getting cold and I hadn't eaten lunch yet so I had to do the stars and stripes a few times before I went grocery shopping (the next errand on my list). I had to ignore the cop and just do what I came here to do. I played the S&S picc solo about 15 times and when I was done, the cop was gone. *whew*. Even with the cop there, I had an audience. I'm TIRED of having an audience.

Several other times were at parks, and I got curious onlookers w/ dogs and kids looking in my windows, w/ me giving "WTF looks" at them lol. But I had to deal w/ it. Today I know I had to practice, because I'm playing picc w/ the band tomorrow night and althought I practiced Friday, I wanted to do one more sesh today. I was having trouble thinking of a place to go. I have very little gas, and no money til the next check so I couldnt' drive too far to a park. I found a spot off the boardwalk that was kind of off to the side. I hoped that not too many people would go by me. It seemed like a good spot. I did another show runthrough and there were a few nosy ass people who drove by and slowed down to stare *shakes head*. Once again, it was time to do the Stars & Stripes picc solo and who comes along but another COP! Ugh. This was a different location, different town. I stopped playing again, because its just AWKWARD when a cop car is parked right behind you in the middle of the road obviously scanning your plate! He just sat there for a while. It was getting really cold, and I have to do the S&S at the end of every practice session a few times, so I decided to just play. The cop pulled up right next to me and got out. I stopped now because I had to tell him what I was doing. He asked me why Iwas sitting here. As dumb as it sounds, I told him I had to practice in my car due to my living situation. He looked suspcious, as usual. My music was clipped onto my steering wheel, and I showed him my picc. He told me someone in the condos nearby thought someone was doing drugs in this car. *roll eyes*. I guess they thought my picc was some kinda pipe or something. That you........hold........sideways? I told the cop, I dont do drugs, and he can search my car if he wants to. I was just trying to practice where noone was around, but OBVIOUSLY no such place exists around here. He looked in the window and saw music all over the place and said he doubted there was drug activity here and said "have a nice day." Ugh. Now I feel like I can't park there and practice anymore because people are thinking I'm doing drugs. So............ for the next time I gotta find a new place to go. I feel like its a crime to play an instrument, however weird playing in a car may be, I gotta do what I gotta do. If I don't practice, I get ousted. I feel like I need to rent out studio time just to git 'er done. And I can't afford to so... back to the drawing board. I wish I could afford to rent a house. This way I can play and noone will hear me. No concerts, no criticism, no bitching, no trained monkey.

That's all. Just needed to get that out.

First Day of Nursing Lab

So after 2 long years of waiting, I got into the Nursing program at my college. Temping has been challening along with school,and since temping has to come first (for financial reasons), I've dropped alot of classes just so I can have enough brain power to stay awake while driving on the parkway. Cuz I wasn't doing such a good job with that last year.

Financial aid says I have to take 2 classes to keep getting it. I need my fin aid refund check as a safety net in this damn economy, so i signed up for 2, but then I have to drop it soon. Unless I can get into an online course. The nurse course I'm taking is too demanding to take with any other classes if you work full time.

I'm really excited, assuming I pass this program and become a nurse. We did some pharmacology today and dosing. I hate math. But every nurse instructor has said they are horrible at math too. I guess i see a trend. If they can do it, so can I. I just need more time figuring it out. I get the concept. Its not hard. Its figuring where to put things in the equation is my issue. I have all weekend to grill myself tho. Unit 1 test is in a week and a half already. If you fail, you could fail the class. You have 3 math tests seprarately that you have to get a 90 on to pass. I dont think I've EVER gotten a 90 on a math test ever! So this worries me.

I'll be at Riverview Hospital til May 23, and can go any night to practice or work with an instructor who is there during certain hours. There is also math tutoring, which I may have to sign up for, assuming theres time in my schedule to do it.

And at the end of the day, I still do my music. I am ,afterall, an artiste once I enter Casa de Heather. An artiste of many art forms: music, interior design, cosmetology, hair design (learning!), drawing, painting and musical improvisation. This is my EVERYTHING. Its what I LOVE! Its what I don't need money to DO (minus interior design but you can just draw out what you want to convey then). The artiste in me will never leave. And as much as people tell me to quit band for the next 5-6 years while you pursue nursing, I tell them this....

I love what I do. Not many people can s ay that. Too bad I dont get paid for it. But nevertheless I still love it. To become a nurse I have my temp jobs against me, not willing to lighten up the hours, I have less money to pay the out of pocket expenses that drained my credit card last week, i have little free time from working and attending class, driving home from class, cookign dinner, eating dinner, showering,cleaning up a little so I can study (by now its pushing 12). The odds of me becoming a nurse are 1 in 4. Possibly 5. The nurse instructors even tell me that if i have to temp to survive, and you never know what you'll be doing or where you'll be temping and you can't risk losing that job, maybe come back when things get better. But if things got pbetter, I'd probably get a job in marketing or finance again and get a good salary again and say eff this nurse thing. even tho its what I wanted to do.

In the end, whether I pass or fail the nursing curriculum, I will always be...... and will remain until my last breath exits my body..............an artiste!

Culinary Discoveries: Post-Mother

I think in alot of households, you learn to cook from your mother (although nowadays its not so common. People order out or eat oversalted tv dinners). Your mothers favorite dishes become yours in your adult/family life. I have to say that for me, that sooooo wasn't the case!

To start with the photo at the top, Filet Mignon in a cherry-cabernet reduction sauce is definitely something that is higher on the culinary challenges than boiling pasta, and dumping a jar of ragu on top of it. That is the next venture that I am going to try to cook. I wanted to compare and contrast some things that my mother made, to the things I make now that are soooo different.

This steak above, is just a regular store bought steak. Possibly a small London Broil seasoned with salt pepper, and garlic powder. Yeah it tastes good. But... something was missing. Perhaps FLAVOR! Also my mother made everything well done. I hadn't discovered RARE meat (lamb/steak) until I was in my early 20s going to the Columbia University Hospital Christmas Party with my friends' mom every year when I ate my first bloody piece of filet mignon. My mouth watered like the carnivore that I am, and it was love at first taste. I never cooked a piece of meat well done again! I didnt know what I was missing all those years! So many juicy flavors! Mmmmm I'm getting hungry just thinking about this.

Here are some other comparisons from my childhood meals in the 1980s NJ, compared with my favorite meals that I cook NOW in 2010-2011.

[Food] [Why]

Ramen Noodles Cheap

[My version/substitute]

Kraft Cheese and Macaroni. Its still cheap but tastes better. Plus you can combine it w/ any left over meat, add bbq, sweet and sour sauce or eat with pigs ina blanket (a fave of mine if I'm looking for a super cheap meal)

[Food] [Why]

Hotdogs Cheap and they have protein

[My Version]

Miso glazed chicken drumsticks. Get a light miso, season, throw in toaster oven or broiler. Done in 15min. MUCH better tasting than hotdogs and more high end..

[Food]

Spaghetti with Franceso Rinaldi Sauce Straight outta the jar over it.

[Why]

Cheap and easy to make. The sauce is supposedly seasoned already. It claims it is but...eh

[My Version]

Linguini (flat pasta picks up sauce more) with Amatriciana sauce. I found out about this sauce on the show "No Reservations" with Anthony Bourdain. I fucking love that man!!! OMG I won tickets to see him on Feb 10th too! I can't wait! He's so funny. He's a chef, who travels and talks about whatever during his travel in the country he's in. If you don't watch it, DO IT! Its on Monday nights at 10 on the Travel Channel. Amatriciana sauce, as I got from the episode (and added tweaks of my own) is Vodka sauce (preferably a higher grade one. They taste better!), 4 tablespoons of olive oil in a pan, a whole bulb (may not be for everyone but I'm accustomed to indian level spice by now) of garlic, minced, sauteed in the olive oil, oregano, basil, pepper, sea salt, onion powder, crushed red pepper for SPICE, if you're a spice lover like me, and sundried tomatos. Combine all that in a pan and cook. Add about 1/2 cup of a dry sherry (with a woody tone). When you are done, mix in fresh parsley, or sprinkle it on top of your dish. I also add chicken to this and sautee the chicken in the garlic and olive oil first, then add everything else. Plain pasta with Franceso Rinaldi sauce is so boring and bland compared to the foods I've eaten since those days. My amatriciana sauce is the best. I think its suppsed to be made with anchoivies but I dont like fish so i omitted them and added garlic.

[Food] [Why]

Shake n Bake Pork Chops Easy to make. shake in a bag and throw in oven.

[My Version]

12 different spices to form a dry rub- salt, pepper, oregano,paprika, seasoning salt, parsley, cajun seasoning, crushed red pepper, caeynne pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, cumin. Mix all togethber in a dry bin and rub the spice onto a wet piece of meat. Cook wrapped in tin foil slowly at 250deg and you'll have a nice juicy flavorful (shake and bake with 75xmore flavor than the real shake and bake.

I'm getting tired so lemme just do some another way....

She made chicken parmigiana. I basically make it the same way. No change, except I garnish my plate before I sit down to eat because I am artisitcally inclined and would like to present my food welll. I genereally dont eat sauce on the pasta since I'm kind of over with sauce. As long as the parm has sauce on it, I'm good. I salt the pasta with sea salt in the pot which gives it a nice zing.

Pork Roast. My mother used to just put that honey/soy marinade on it and cook it. It was good. I can make that too, altho I use vietnamese light soy and more honey to balance the acidity of the flavors.

I also put hoisin and sake (rice wine) you can ge it at the liquor store and bake it and it gives it a chinese spareib taste with a twist.

Another thing I can do is make a soy, sherry ginger and cinnemon marinade with chives and shallots, marinade it, bake it on low temp and have an exotic south asian (thai vietnamese or indonesian) flavor to the roast.

Hamburgers. She would cook them in a greasy pan. Sean with Garlic/onion powder and pop em on our plate. I make them on the grill season with the same (since garlic falls off), cook em mediumrare, put honey smokehouse from jack daniels sauce on them, toast the bun and serve. All my friends loved them.

Meatloaf. Not a fan. Never was. Someting about meatlof makes me nauseous. I prefer to get a whole chicken and season it with lemon pepper seasonings, cook it then serve with lipton herb and butter rice. I dont know how to make that stuff but its great.

Noodle Roni. That is made from Rice A Roni, just for pasta. You add milk and margerine to a packet of powder and pasta and it becomes a meal. For those I would just say I can make 3 different sauces on my own for you.

Carbonara Sauce - Margerine, chicken stock, flour, garlic, 2 thin chicken cutlets, add heavy cream, 1/2 cup of grated parmesean cheese, pepper, fresh parsley. You get a much more high end result and it is restaurant grade.

Basil Cream Garlic Sauce- Margerine, garlic, 1/2cheese, heavy cream, bunches of basil leaves depending how much flavor you want. i like alot. simmer and serve

Alfredo Sauce - heavy cream, half stick of butter, one raw egg, mixed in1/2cheese or less to get thickness you want. Parsley to garnish.

That's all I can think of. But the way we cook is very different. I notice alot of people feed their kids a hotdog, and peas and carrots, or a pb&j sandwich, or some cereal. Sometimes chicken lightly seasoned or marinaded in italian dressing. I do know people personally around my age who love to cook and it shows, since they are performing more upscale dishes than the typical person. If I ever get to have kids, my kids are gonna hate eating over their friends houses cuz I'm so accustomed to this type of cooking (thanks Top Chef!) and the fact that culinary arts has become one of my hobbies and I enjoy creating new dishes. They are probaly not gonna wanna eat anything at their friends houses. So be it though. You only live once. The way things are going economic wise, terrorist wise, and astronomically wise, who knows how much longer we'll have left. Just live like each day is your last! Get some change into your diet.

KGB is stalking me ♪♫

I am so glad I live in a country that allows the freedom of speech. If I were in the old Communist Russia, somebody would've come lookin' for me, and I would've disappeared in the middle of the night, never to be head from again, where I'd likely be shot execution style in a black sedan with blacked out windows, or thrown in some gulag to rot and die.



About every 3 months, congress threatens to stop unemployment. Every time it puts us on edge about how we are going to make ends meet. They stopped extensions a few months ago. I watched a friend lose her home and move out of state where she knows noone because she had no other choice. Another friend is thinking of doing the same. I know I could be next. Except I wouldn't move. Where the hell am I gonna go??? I said I'd stay here til the bitter end. I still have some fight left in me. I worked too hard to get to the shore and i'm not leaving without a fight. Though I'm generally considered a failure to my other working, young professional friends, who are living in (it seems) the lap of luxury, shopping, new cars, exotic vacays, buying houses, remodeling kitchens (seems like every single person is doing this!!!!!) getting married, investing in stocks and so on...., I have to keep on trucking with my loser self and survive. Its easier to be around people who don't have as much money, and I can say "I'm broke" without being looked down on. I was doing ok for a while, but I'm about to dip into poverty once again. I did in June, and again in Sept.



Congress reinstated the UE benefits but now is talking of lowering NJ's UE payout because its "too high" and doesnt give incentive for people to get back to work. For this, I must rant...

There are not enough JOBS for the 10% of this population to get back to work. So punishing everyone else just because a small few sit home and collect and dont look for work is not fair. There is no way every single person, or even an acceptable portion of them will return to work. Where are they gonna work? Who is hiring?And I speak from experience that when you apply to a low level, unskilled job, you most likely will not get called. Some of those jobs wouldn't even pay the bills anyway. Sometimes you may be better off on UE waiting for a job that will cover the expenses. If you can meet all your expenses on UE, and a job calls you wanting to pay you half of the UE, and you know you'll lose your home if you take it, um.....what would most people do? WAIT for something else! I mean if you have UE. If you don't, you have to take it and hope Burger King will hire you for the night shift. I can't even get a min. wage job either! I've applied at every place around here. No callbacks. None whatsoever.

I am sickened that people are always trying to punish the unemployed. Using threats to get them back to work. They dont want to borrow from the federal government anymore to fund UE, but when the UE'd people reach the end of the line, they will apply for welfare, housing assistance, section 8, medicaid and other assistance programs. Someone will need to pay to house these people who can't pay their rent/mortgage anymore. Someone will need to put them in shelters, hotels, affordable housing. Someone will need to feed these people. Someone will need to foot the bills for the kids to get vaccinated and see Drs. Someone will have to pay for training programs to get these people jobs (which don't exist anyway). Who will be paying for that if NJ exhausted its money? THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT.



I have temped during this time and I have met many temps who have told me they lost everything. Their home, their car, their children. Have no credit. Bankrupt. Sleeping on a friend's couch until the friend gets tired of them there. Can't even afford to keep a car on the road (insurance/gas) to look for a job. So many people have these stories. I know I could be one of those people. I have tried to work as much as I could, doing the shittiest of the shitty jobs you can think of. I've been treated like an idiot. Like I had no capacity to do anything but rip paper, or file. I've lost my dignity. Why? To survive! The last thing I want now is for congress to pull the rug out from under me and punish me for not finding a real job by cutting my UE down in size. I dont know what my new UE will be in Aug. Iread an article today that says that it is now 2/3 of the previous income (which in my case was low paying temp jobs). Before it was 60%. So it should be slightly higher. I was worried my new UE would be too low to live. It may be. I wasn't able to score a temp job over $14/hr this year. Last year I did. It just seems like theres never any rest if you're unemployed. You are always left to worry every few months, while you see people around you prospering and succeeding. I can't seem to get past that though. I hate watching my friends succeed while I fail. But there's no hope. I used to be successful too. Used to be.



The next 2 months will be very tense ones as I await my fate of my new UE payout in April, and to see if I get an extension to cover me from Feb 9 when my UE runs out til April when my new claim starts up (since I worked I get a new claim). And congress will probably throw in a few more attempts to stop UE or cut it down I'm sure. This country is going to hell. I dont' know how we're gonna get out of this. I refuse to live this way. I want to live comfortably. I want to work. I'll work my ass off. I'm not lazy. As long as I'm bringing home $, and I can survive on it, I'll do whatever it takes. Becoming a nurse will take YEARS since Unemployment blocked me from taking too many classes at a time. I'm no longer allowed to go full time. Even at night. I feel like they are trapping me in the system. They want me off UE, but every time I think of a way to gET off, they block me from doing it. I'll be on for a while. I dont plan to stop working. They have to pay me UE as long as I work. Its cheaper to let me have my way. Its your loss though, Uncle Sam. Your loss.




In other news...
I had a good Xmas. First xmas I didn't spend alone!!! Yay! Hung out w/ one friend on Xmas Eve, and 2 more on Xmas day. The day after xmas wasn't so great.

There was a huge snowstorm that dumped 3 feet of snow onto the Jersey Shore (I'm not exaggerating). From Dec 26, 2010, to Dec 31, 2010, I was stuck in my apt. Unable to go anywhere. My apt is small. I hate being locked up in small spaces. Day 2 I was able to hop down the street in crotch high snow to the end of the block to see if that street was plowed, and hop back. It sucked all the energy out of me.


This is my car on the second night of snow imprisonment. I am walking on frozen snow in the middle of my street, and looking down at my car which is burried up to the windows almost. My car is high off the ground compared to most cars.

Below is my street, looking back towards my house from my car. 3ft of snow in the street.



On New Years Eve the plow finally came through. Our township (Neptune) probably couldn't plow us out because they cut costs and couldn't pay people to do it. Our mayor repeatedly said on the website that plows would be thru the town by the morning. Every morning there was nothing. We had plows come from Maryland to get us out. My town was on the news for its pathetic snow clearing plan. Neptune itself is kinda ghetto and thats why I'm not surprised. My portion, is actually a part of Neptune but is not ghetto.
My message to you!

Once again, glad I'm not in communist Russia. Or someone'd be knockin on my door tonight and I'd never be heard from again. My blog is becoming commonplace for anti-government rants.

Congress Stops Unemployment

So, once again, Congress denied Unemployment Benefits, as they do 2 or 3 times a year. Causing severe anxiety to unemployed workers wondering how they're going to pay their rent/mortgage, feed themselves and their families, and dare I say it... pay a bill or two. Maybe even a cell phone so they can get calls and make calls about JOBS. Well alot of people in the next coming weeks will be at the Department of Social Services applying for Welfare.

If you didn't know, Welfare for a single person with no kids is $140 a month. Not a week, but a month. What the hell are you gonna do with that? I guess that may be just enough to pay a cell phone and put some gas in your car. Anything else you need? Well you're shit out of luck.

How will these people eat and get medical care? They will be on Food Stamps and Medicaid, which is GOVERNMENT FUNDED. Welfare is also Government funded. So is housing assistance, which will be paying for shelter for those with children and a few lucky single people.

So if your arguement is to say that you're reducing the national debt, you're wrong. You're just moving it elsewhere. Yeah, its a lower rate than what the people were getting on Unemployment, but all the billions of dollars from unemployment checks that people were spending on gas, and groceries, clothes, lunch at the corner cafe will be gone. Those people who are now on welfare, waiting to get on welfare, or who don't qualify but are still not getting enough money will not spend anything because they can't. So watch the corner cafe go out of business, supermarkets cut staff's hours because they're not bringing in enough money to pay them because of a record amt of people on food stamps. Its all a downward spiral.


They think that if you extend UE, we won't look for work. I still will. I want to make money. I want to live comfortably. I'll do whatever I neeed to do to enjoy life, and collecting UE doesn't cut it. I draw from other incomes to be able to socialize, go on trips, or get takeout some nights after class lets out. Not everyone is so lucky , or as driven as I am.

Something tells me that if you had a $50,000 job, and now you collect $300/week on unemployment when you used to make , oh lets say $800/wk before, that you're gonna do everything you can to make more than your UE is for.

But you're forgetting one statistic, that there aren't enough jobs in EXISTANCE to accomodate the 10% of the population who are unemployed. If UE is cut, we all just won't scurry around and get a job. There won't be enough. I get asked all the time "why don't you just get a job?!" Well bitch, its because there aren't any! I apply to entry level shit jobs on a regular basis. I get no callbacks. If I do, I get rejected because I'm overqualified. All I've done is temp. Thats all I can find. Some people can't find that. Its just htat I've basically become a career temp now (as much as I hate to say that) and I have connections. Even with those connections, I haven't 'temped in almost a month. I've been calling and calling, and noone has work. Any real jobs I apply for are a lower level position, which Unemployent tells me I have to apply to, and I do, but I get rejected. At this point I would work a low level job. I know whatever I end up doing will be comprable to what I did when I was 20yrs old, with no experience when I moved to NYC. But will anyone hire me knowing that if something higher paying comes along I'll jump at it? No, I don't tell them that, but they know. We'd all do that. Why would you work for $20k, when you used to work for $50k?

All the people who tell me to just "get a job" as if they're out there dangling on trees, and to Congress who think we're all a bunch of people leeching off the Government, just remember....

I'll say what I've been saying for years. End the war in Afghanistan. (What the hell are we fighting for, again?!) Use the money you're spending on the war to extend Unemployment. Let those people take care of their own. If you didn't find Bin Laden yet, you ain't gonna find him any time soon!

STOP WORRYING ABOUT EVERYONE ELSE'S PROBLEMS AND CONCENTRATE ON OUR OWN! We can't afford to 'help' other countries. We need to help ourselves right now! Accept it, and take action!

End Rant -

Life AFTER Joe

So as some of you know, my father, who I just called 'Joe' (we weren't a typical family to say the least) passed away after 4 yr battle with complications from lung cancer.

He did survive the lung cancer, but his health declined, and he was in and out of the hospital non stop for respitory issues. His lungs gave out on November 10, 2010 around 2pm ish. My cousin and I didn't make it to the hospital in time.

This isnt' a tribute. I'll do one later once all this bullshit is finished, but I just wanted to rant actually.

I knew it wasn't going to be easy planning a funeral at age 30. Even though age 30 is when alot of your parents start to die. I had NO idea where to start, what to do, where to go, what was needed from his papers and from me. I asked some friends who have been thru it before and they gave me good advice. But unfortunately they didnt know enought to guide me thru the whole process....which has been rather exhausting.

My family are usless, except for about 7 cousins , but they're not offering to help. My uncle (bible toter clan) and aunt are great for making demands that a priest come and all that, but they dont want to pay for it.........figures. Then The funeral home gave me the cost breakdown , and it was $2000 more than what his life insurance covered. And we didnt have a wake! So I said "no deal." Well have to cremeate him then and I'll decide what happens cuz Id ont have that kind of money. A few hours later he called back and offered me another breakdown of costs where my portion was $200. Much better, asshole!

The funeral itself went off without a problem. I got his millitary papers faxed tot he right department so he could have the millitary funeral/salute/gunfire/and flag ceremony,which occupied the time. Usually they have a priest doing ...whatever he does. Teh bible toters said they now wanted THEIR priest (who was dressed like a monk) to do it but they had no money. Grrrrr............... of-course-they-did-nt! >=/

So I reached into my own wallet to pull out money for the priest I didn't even want. THEY wanted him. They can't cope w/ him not getting the catholic blessings or whatever. I wasn't happy after that one. But family does that. At least mine does. Now you know why I don't spend holidays with them. It gets worse but we won't go there now!

So after the funeral, I have been waiting for the death certificate which I was told was gona be ''in the mail'' by the funeral director. A week passed, nothing. Another week, I called. They said they're working on getting it to me soon. I let it slide cuz I had a nother week or two. Then last week I called agian. THey said they wanted my uncle to have his first since he is the life insurance beneficiary. MEANING if the uncle doesn't get his certificate, the funeral home doesn't get paid. OH NO....we wouldn't want that, would we? =( *roll eyes*, So I restated that all my dad's t hings are HERE in NJ. and I am here in NJ. And I am the one who has to empty storage, which is definitey a challenge , and his apartment, which I have to see what shape the gold digger left it in. I'm sure she didn't clean it. She probalby just grabbed her shit and ran.

The cable company wont stopcharging him til they get the cable box, modem and phone stuff out cuz it belongs to them , and when i went into the rental office, the girl told me that unless my name is listed as "in case of emergency" on the lease, i have no power and can't get in. Only the name listed can get in. That is my bibletoting uncle who will not come down here. He's old nad not ablebodied to empty out a house full o furniture. I'm semi able bodied, nad I know I can do it, but I'll be so sore I probably wont be able to MOVE the next two days, but i'll plan for that in my schedule.

I asked the girl how I can get a death certificate. She tells me to go to New Burnswick's Admin building. Then another girl said NO, go to oldbridge municipal offices and get the cert there, but they are $10 ea and you'll need between 10 and 20 of them. UGhhhhhhhh thats alot of money and I haven't temped in weeks! The other girl says I have to go to New Brunswick and ask for power of attorney of the judge. I have to bring the death cert w/ me. Now I'm sure this will not go smoothly as noone answered the phone there this afternoon so i can verify what exactly I need to bring with me. I'm gonna bring his whole briefcase w/ papers and all my papers I can think of.

Problem is, i can't get the death cert without MY birth cert! I had 4 copies here. 2 in my hiding spot, and 2 were in his briefcase. I saw them several times. Tonight NONE of them were there. I looked like 6 or 7 times in each place, tore apart the area under my breakfast bar, looked in the tool box and storage tub and NOTHING. Not one birth certificate. Soooooo I basically have to go to New Brunswick to get my BC,then go back to Old Bridge to get a fw of his Death Certs, then go back to Court in New Brunswick and ask the judge if they willl give me power of attorney. (they could say no), if they do, and i have the papers, THEN I can finally start closing things out. I snuck into storage this afternon to get some of that going. I dont need these people telling me i cna't be in there when alot of the stuff instorage is MINE and I had the key all along and I went to storage w/ out him for years. So, being the rebel that I am, I just went in and got to work. Of course the closed off the dumpsters behind fences and locks (wtf?!) and a sign saying "Please do not dump out side of the dumpsters, or a pick up fee will be assessed to your account." Um.....well why don't you OPEN them up so we CAN dispose of things properly??I have about 2hrs worth of work tomorow in storage and then its done. i'll keep the lock and use it for my kayak so I don't have to buy a new one so that'll work. I took whaqtever was mine (threw alot out tho) and my next task is his apartment. I have no idea what state this woman left the apt in. Regardless I'm gonna clean up the mess. If I do, I get $500 of his security. They're gonna pay DEcember's rent out of his security no matter what.

This is where I'm at at this point in time. So far from finished. I also need to know who needs the official cert adn who can just be faxed one. Each official seal is $10. IF I really need $20 that is gonna clean me out and frankly, it'll have to wait til I am able to fit it in my budget. Luckally I have no family to buy Christmas gifts for, but I have bills to pay, and of course mounting medical bills have no end in sight. I hope all the bad stuff w/ me is over for a while until I find a job and health insurance!

I was out all day long tending to whatever I could, then going to school. Tomorrows another day. Gonna do the court system tomorrow even though it loooks like I'm gonna be all over Middlesex County all day long.

One thing that makes me smirk is.... my uncle thinks he's power of attorney because my dad's little letter to the gold digger says so. But theres no will and my uncle doesn't have the letter. So I'm about to become power of attorney. Meaning when his pension payout happens, maybe it wont go to probate. And I can say where it goes. Course my mother will probably be all up in my kool aid trying to get a handout. She needs to go find someone else to give her a handout but she never gets it. I'll give some to my bro. Who I'm sure he will give his money to her, but if hes that stupid, thats not my problem. The other sister that disappeared 16yrs ago, gets nothing. I dont know her. I'm sure she's doing find as someone in the Air Force so...... don't even! If theres enuff left, i'd like to help out a few friends who really are struggling. I cna't give any lavish gifts but maybe i can help. I don't know. And of course theres me...... Same 2 choices. Pay off bills, or stock pile it. Its never an easy decision. I need to temp, or shit........just WORK already so I can pay off the bills and get my credit back up to what it was before all this job loss shit happened. Its fixable. Just need money to fix it.

I wasn't kidding about going to Paris though. I don't speak french, no.... but it's time. If anyone wants to come, i could use the company. But if not, I can do it alone. I will find a way to communicate. Ciao