Upcoming Cruise, Concerts and Birthday Madness

So today it's March 20! 2 months and 2 weeks til my cruise!!!! For those who don't know, my friend found a super cheap deal on a carnvial cruise 2 weeks before my 30th bday! I happened to have that money from my college refund (thankfully, otherwise i couldn't go). Alot of people can't come due to money issues, so its just me and my friend Jen going. I can't wait! I haven't been on a cruise since 1988. I do remember it pretty well, but it was a disney cruise. It wasnt super Disney-fied though. I think that was really once you got to the theme parks. This is my first cruise as an adult. The ship has piano bars , 2 bars with pools in them, huge theateres, 5 pools (other htan the bars) and lounges with a live orchestra. It reminds me of the 40s. I can't wait to go! I'm trying to think of what to wear when I go. I need like 3 nice outfits and I want to TRY not to overpack like I tend to always do. Shit, for one night in Atlantic City, I borought a full duffel bag worth of shit. And forget about when Iwent to Spain! I'm a compulsive over-packer!

I have 2 dresses that I can wear and I need a 3rd nice outfit. I wanna look really nice cuz I dont get to go out too much anymore with the unemployment situation. Gotta make sure to do nice makeup and hair. Basically what I do when I make the effort is a red-carpet kinda thing. I want to look like I have money....even tho' I'm pretty poor =/. I am gonna try not to think about the cruise now but DAMMIT its so hard! lol I really want to go NOW! But the timing is poi-fecto! Right before my 30th! We had to make some sacrifieces tho'. We were gonna get a cabin w/ a balcony and a bigger room, but we had to downgrade to the tiny room w/ 2 twins and a window w/ a lifeboat in the way haha. But its not like we're gonna spend any time in the room. I call the top bunk tho (i think the cruise site says our room has a 3rd bunk bed!) I dont get to sleepin them too much. I had one stipulation about the cabin, which I told Jen, who booked it, is that we WEREN'T in what I like to call "Immigrant Class" (think of the Titanic's lower decks that housed all the immigrants coming to America) lol. I didn't want to be way in the bottom of the ship. I don't know why. We are actually on the 7th deck up. I think there are 12 decks, so we're in the middle. So my inner diva is satisfied.

I was supposed to have a bunk bed (back to that topic...)when I went camping in May, but unfortunatly I can't go cuz we have our final concert that night and I'm a soloist. [ =) and =( at the same time. ] I'm glad I'm FINALLY a soloist, but it sucks that the final concert is during camping week. And eff me for not making sure before I booked. I lost 30 dollars on the cabin but i am not gonna ask my friends for it back. Its just a loss. But I guess I will have to use the fact that I'm a soloist to overshadow that alot of my friends will be up in NY camping while I'm on stage that night. *sigh*

So today I was watching the NCIS marathon. I dont know much about this show other than its kind of like CSI which I used to watch w/ my ex, not so much me on my own. But Michael Weatherly is in NCIS and I luv him! He was on Dark Angel too. So I mostly watch it cuz of him. he's funny too. Nice to watch a show that isn't reality. Thats all I watch is reality shows nowadays. Holla Celebrity Rehab!!!! haha

Michael Weatherly

I picked up a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon tonight just because its Saturday and I have no plans. I had Vietnamese for dinner and I love having wine w/ asian foods. It goes nicely together in my opinion.

This is what I had (Bo luc lac). Its a vietnameses dish made with filet mignon (of course it has to be my fave, its expensive!!!) with vietnamese spices and sauces. Served w/lettuce and white rice.

Theres a really nice Vietnamese restaurant 1mi from my house and I was thinking tonight that I might want to have my bday dinner there. But it's so small. I dont know how many people are gonna come yet. I guess I'll see what the RSVP is in June to make a decision. I know the owners cuz I go there so much so i'm worried if I make a reservation and they hold a big table adn ppl dont show up, the owners will get mad at ME! So I dunno.... There are no shortage of restaurants here though but I love asian food and everyone has had their bdays at the thai restuarants so I want to do NON thai for my bday. We'll see.

I also have a Carvel icecream cake in my freezer from a few days ago. I love those things! I think everyone has a vice...cigs, alkee, drugs. Mine is carvel cakes! I am seriously addicted! I can stand there and eat it til my stomach hurts. Lovely cuz I'm lactose intolerant too but I can handle a certain amt of ice cream (not much whole milk in ice cream).

Lets see what else... I'm really bored. I wanna go to bed early tonight cuz theres a Concerto Competition tomorrow in Deal (rich town) up the coast and Iwant to go. Its for kids tho' but hte winner gets to play w/ the Monmouth Symphony next season. The concerto competition is free for subscibers, which I am, but its at 10am. Me and mornings dont' mix but I really do want some free entertainment. I subscribe to 3 symphony orchestras: The Monmouth Symphony, Garden State Philharmonic,and the New Jersey Symphony Orchestra. I thought there was a show this weekend,b ut its actually NEXT weekend. There are 2 shows. one on Sat (NJ Sym) and one on Sun (Monmouth Sym). So my dumb ass didnt' make any plans for this weekend. So I have to go to the concerto competition. The bad thing also is it ends early so what the hell am I gonna do for the rest of the day? Dunno. Maybe go to the mall and get some MAC Reflex Pearl pigment (makeup). I wanna do new looks for my shows.

The shows are coming up in the end of April. Our first show is at the Four Seasons. Its a new venue. The other ones are at churches and then Wall HS at the end. I dont know if any of my friends will come, but my cousin usually comes to all my shows, which is nice of him. So I'll have to give him the heads up. He works in NJ now. I'd like my friends to be there since I'm a soloist this season but.... we all know how that goes. I ve had a few friends come out in the past. Much luv to them! lol I really appreciate the support!

I walked 5 miles today after not exercising for 3wks. my front leg muscles hurt =/. My sneakers are also falling apart and hurting my foot so I have to buy new ones. I guess I'll buy better quality ones. I got these at KMart for 12 dollars. Figures.

So thats about it for now. This was just a boredom post. Not much gonna go on in April or May except my shows but I AM definitely excited about this round of em. And about the End of Season dinner! Its always at a fancy restaurant. Another reason to dress up! I love dressing up! I hope I have happy news in the days and weeks to come *crossing my fingers*.

Overworked

Just another school related rant...

I've been trying to figure out what's next w/ school. I found out the other day that the wait for my program is 3yrs! I don't think I'm on the later end of that waiting period, but more like in the middle (1.5-2yr) since I applied (they go by your apply date) in the Spring of 2009.

I know I can't stay where I'm at in my life for that long. I make very little money, not even enough to cover my expenses ( I had to delegate my car payment to my father and he reluctantly agreed - but not permanently), and I'm livnig off my college refund and my shitty temp and or UE checks. Not at all where I thought I'd be at this age =(.

I need to work. I need to make more money. So what can I do? I've applied at shit retail stores, restaurants,etc. Nothing. They won't hire me cuz all my work exp is corporate. They know I'm desperate. They know I'll leave the minute I get offered a real job that pays enough. I came back to school to become a nurse, rush thru it and basically kill myself getting thru full time. Now that hte wait is so long, therse no point in killing myself anymore. I killed myself for a year. I thought I was halfway done. I'm only 1/3. The nursing prog is 2.5yrs as a fulltime'er, which I can't be if I work. I dont have enuff UE or a decent weekly payment figure of UE to survive on it too much longer. i'm already one social class below what I used to be and not happy about it. I figured that what I'm making now, my annual income (if I dont get anything better) will be $4,000 above the federal poverty line. Again, never thought this would be where I would be at my age.

Its kinda hard to get past that.

Right now, I'm taking 4 classes but I count them as 5 since my Anatomy & Physiology course is really TWO classes and TWO grades. Here is my current schedule

Monday: Work 7 to 4, 2hr commute and break, Public Speaking from 6 to 9.

Tuesday: Work 7 to 4, 3 hour break to do whatever, Band rehearsal from 7 to 9.

Wednesday: Work 7 to 4, 2hour commute and break, Anatomy Lab from 6 to 8.

Thursday: Work 7 to 4, 2 hour commute and break, Premed Physiology (part of Anatomy &Phys) Lecture (and it drags!) from 6 to 10

Friday: Thank the heavenly stars above, I'm OFF!!!! but I usually crash at 8pm anyway haha.

Saturday: Childhood and Life Span Psychology from 2 to 5, then any friends are doing anything, I'll hang if I have the energy.

-------------------------------------------------

Now think of doing this, every year for the next 6 years. Well thats what my school expects of me!

I go to school solely on financial aid. If I dont' get it, I can't go. Period, point blank. I am way too poor, althought the government says not poor enough (even now! thats hard to believe) to get grants. I am gonna fight that determinatio though. I wouldnt be me if I didn't fight. thats all I seem to do nowadays is fight, bargain, and persuade people to give me what I WANT. I'd say I have about a 70% success rate w/ that. I'm a good persuader.

ANYWAY! So my school says I need to take 6 credits at all times to get financial aid. Right now, its not so bad to do 6, but later on, when each nursing course is 2 clinical days, a lecture and a lab (4 days), when the HELL am I gonna have the time/energy to take ANOTHER class?! I won't! Ican't not work. I think I've ridden out UE as far as it'll take me. Been on for 2yrs now. But all thats out there are low paying SHIT JOBS. So I do have to work. I can't stay anywhere for free, and have my shit handed to me on a silver platter like most other people. I tried arguing w/ the finanacial aid lady but she rushed me out (they always do) cuz there was a line. I want to see if there are other financial programs out there for me. My income is low. I'm not on welfare, but I'm considered 'poor' on all counts now. WHY CANT I GET FINANCING?! Kids hav ethe option for the most part to NOT work. But me, I can't. Its not easy for working adults to go to school.

I registered today. Reluctantly, I decided to take a class every night again except no Sats this time!. I am taking 7 credits. can't do 6 since the Science ones are 4 each. I dread having to run here and there every night running myself down, but for now the school wont' let me stay if I don't. I wish there were other options. I can't afford to pay for the classes one at a time. If I had a DECENT JOB I could. They're about $525 for a Monmouth co resident, each. Science is more. Probably close to $700. Thats not something I can do right now unless things change.

I feel like I'm trapped now. I kinda wanna stop school, but I want to be a nurse, but at this pace, will I even pass? I'll be so worn out by the time I get into the program. The info session and some friends have said that most people DO NOT succeed in the program if they work full time. So i'd be going in with most of the odds against me. I was never a straight A student, or brainiac. So going from how I am , to a super student is a far stretch. I already study every moment I have free. My grades this semester are eh. Last semester I didn't work and I got All As and Bs. I just dont have enough free time to dedicate to this. So I don't know.

The only solutions are:

Get a REAL JOB that pays a liveable wage again (which basically don't exist right now). And pay for one class at a time out of pocket, lessening the course load.

See if I can get approved to live on Campus (only choice is Rutgers) so my housing will be paid for, wait til car is paid off next yr, and bills (with school refund hopefully) and quit working as long as I get 100% housing (but I probably won't cuz htey dont think i'm poor enough).

Give up on school completely until I have some sort of way to stay afloat and just work 2 jobs to make ends meet. Logically, this is what I should be doing now. but I'm not ready to throw in th towel just yet. If there are no other options I'll see. I still wanna be a nurse but I need a place to live. I need to workunless theres a way for me not to for a few years and I HIGHLY DOUBT IT! I'm gonna have to start playing the lotto. But I won't win =/ But I can try. Even if I win $100,000 I can live off of that for a while. Ive been so poor these past few years, and with my car paid off next year, I can live on less than before. But I don't know.

I'm trapped. I just hope I don't fail. That means I will have wasted thousands of dollars that I have to pay back.

Once again, another pretty big problem thrown at me to handle. I feel like one of those jugglers on a unicyle. I'm really tired of all the bullshit and just wanna live like a NORMAL person again. I don't even know what that feels like anymore. I look at my friends moving up in the world and only imagine what it must be like (my old succeses before mean nothing anymore). I'm a spectator looking in now. I have nothing in common w/ my friends anymore (except the few unemployed ones who understand what its like). They are allmoving up in the world and I'm moving further and further down into poverty. We are now in 2 different worlds. Thats why I dont see my employed friends much. It makes me feel worse about this situation. They probably look down on me anyway, whether they want to admit it or not. Just a failure. Poor her. Look at what happened to 'her'. I know thats what most people think. But I'd probably think the same thing if I were them. Ijust want to be a normal person again.

With that being said, I gotta go to rehearsal.

End rant.

Ocean Grove Fire - Video and Photos

This morning I woke up with a mailbox full of texts and missed calls. I saw the last text was like "Is everything okay down by you?" Me like an idiot, responds "yeah, just cloudly and drizzling. Nothing major." (It was supposed to be raining bucketfuls due to a big Nor'easter coming this way.....again). I thought this person was gonna come down here for whatever reason and she was asking about the weather. I didn't read the other messages yet. I got up and went on Facebook and saw that there was a fire in Ocean Grove. It said it wiped out a whole block. I thought how the HELL could I sleep thru that?!

My windows are wide open all night (I have a down comforter and my neighbors smoke like chimneys), and I would've heard sirens. I 'm a light sleeper. Nothing. I read the APP (Asbury Park Press) and it was a developing story. The one picture was of firetrucks and water and it was from Bud McCormick, the Marching Band director of Jackson High school. My ex knows him. i know who he is. I thought he lived in the neighboring town, but he got the winning shot. Damn, I should submit pics to the APP!!! Maybe I'll make some $$$$! Note to self for next time!

I decide to leave for school and drive by the scene. First of all, anything west of Main was blocked off...

I finally weasled my way a little closer to the scene on Ocean Avenue. Every idiot (including me!)was trying to get a shot. The Neptune Emergency Management team was here too. Must have been a really big deal. All the people in those houses have nowhere to live now. I wanted to see if the damage was major or minor. At this distance, all I saw were firetrucks and the water spraying at the scene. It looks like a house was missing.

A little closer look below.

Here's the video I took of the same thing.

I went to school and halfway thru the lecture the power went out. Then it went back on. Then it went out again. It finally went out one last time and the wind picked up speed outside. You could hear the howling. We sat in a dark classroom and the teacher let us go. Yay! Kinda. I was supposed to be at Kristina and Sandy's at 6, then go to my show at either 7 (for the Preconcert Talk) or 8 for the actual show. I still had tons of time to kill. Ended up sitting in my car. Then I went over there and hung out w/ er'body, and saw my show (The Garden State Philharmonic).

That's a pic I snapped of them tonight. The show was nice, as always, glad I got all my tickets in advance, and I headed home. I hoped we had power since the power in Red Bank had gone out. I didnt want to have to throw shit out of my fridge/freezer. I dont have much. Ive been eating tons of oatmeal *gag* to save money and lose weight. I'm so sick of oatmeal though. I swung by where the fire was to see if I could get any closer.

There were cops blocking the road but only one side, the other side had a barricade up that fell down, so..... I drove right in! Fuck that! I saw that not one house fell but about FOUR houses were wiped out. Gone completely! Another house on the left (behind the POD) is gutted by the flames. Wow.... There are some fire hoses still spraying water automatically on the site.

Thats the thing about towns like this with Victorian houses... they're so close together and they're prone to fires. They spread quickly. I like to read those history books about the shore towns where they show how the towns looked in the 1800s. Asbury Park and Ocean Grove used to have huge hotels. Bigger than what they have now (they're mostly Bed and Breakfasts and although some are big, I'm talking 4x the size). When they explain why they're not standing today, it always says "the structure was destroyed by fire." It seems like every old hotel, or place that is no longer HERE was destroyed by fire. I hope that doesn't happen here. With all the god damn smokers in this house!!! I dont know where I'd go if this place burned down. I wonder if FEMA places you (for free) in a home somewhere or if you're just out on the streets.... Something to think about. That was my day today. So many events in one day.

***Edit 1:37am - Word is the Manchester Inn got burned down and yet another hotel to be "destroyed by fire". It was supposedly "haunted" (I don't believe in ghosts or paranormal shit), and they had a murder mystery dinner theater there. Such a shame.

Asbury Park Press article on fire

Video of houses falling down...

Ocean Grove Fire

Orchestra Level Stuff!

After I got my latest financial aid refund, I put most of it aside, but decided to get something for MYSELF (like always!) You can't live your life miserable cuz you have no money ALL THE TIME! I'm in a band, actually two of em (one is in the summer, one is the rest of the year). Although we have some challenging music, some times, the selection is pretty easy. I subscribe to 3 symphony orchestras, brought to you buy the kind folks at the federal government who refunded money to me back in Oct! And Have been wanting to learn some songs at the Orchestral level which is higher than High School/College band level. I wanted something that could challenge me.

One day I came across the book above online, but for piccolo. It had excerpts from famous symphonies, other works, and some ballets. I bought it and I loved it! It exposed me to so many new songs I'd never hear in the bands I play in (since it's not a symphony orchestra, but a concert band).

The music even makes me go 'Holy Shit!' sometimes when I look at it. Like below...

I think even if you CAN'T read music, you'd know that that's hard stuff. The more lines on the groups of notes, the faster they are. Those are 32nd notes. 4 of them equal half a beat.

Yeah.... lol

There are alot of ballets like the one below. I really started to love the ballets, and the problem is, the music is HARD to find. You can't just go and order a flute part to Petruchka by Stravinsky online. You can order the whole score, but not just one part. So this book gives you small sections (common for auditions, but I'm not auditioning for anything). Its a way to get 30 songs in a $45 book.

There are songs by all the famous composers, but I have to say, I'm not a fan of the Viennese/German composers (ie Beethoven, Mozart, Bach, Brahms etc..). Yeah, yeah I know they're really great and they were really young and wrote 43-9023957043 million symphonies in their lifetime, but I'm not into their style. I really like the Russian composers (mostly Shostakovich, Tchaikovsky and Stravinsky) and the French composers (Debussy, Saint Saens, Faure and Hue) much better! The russians take the top spot. Just like in figure skating (well, pairs and ice dancing).

This one ^ Chant du Rossignol is cool, but I wish there was more of it. Theres a second part on the next page that's a cadenza. But I can't find much of the song on Youtube. The reason is cuz its a BALLET! It has lots of acts and its really hard to find where in the ballet the solo excerpts are. Somtimes it takes me hours to find them. then I favorite them and make a mental note where they are in the piece.

My fave ballet is still the flute solo from Daphne et Chloe. That ballet is really hard!!!!! Sometimes its in 7 sharps! Not really used to that many sharps. I think I can play in 4#s (#=sharp) comfortably which is the key of E. And can play in 5#s (key of B) ok but i forget about the A#s sometimes. But 7?! Yeah. I can play the famous solo. But the whole ballet has some cool parts. I have the full score I found online for free somewhere. I just really wish I could play these things with a group, like a symphony orchestra, or the orchestra of the ballet of .....wherever! That'll never happen. So youtube is the new best thing. I'm glad theres a youtube. I dont knwo what I did without it all those years. Best site ever!!!

I want tosee if i can find more books that have excerpts or full parts to BALLETS....somewhere. I have to start asking music professionals if they have any idea. But I need to slow down. I'm poor. Dont wanna blow thru the savings, but I will do things for myself now n' then just because I want to enjoy life to some extent. Things have been so shitty and I'm far from happy. Sometimes if I get a little joy in my life, it helps.

Oh, and I got a few solos for this spring concert w/ Greater Shore! I'm on the oboe part and I'm soooo glad I finally get solos again. I never thought I would in this band cuz I sit so far back. Its seating policy is senority based. I'm pretty new so I'm towars the back. I may play the oboe part from now on just SO I can get solos. I'll never get em as a flute player unless the director LETS me do it, but... I think he just gives it to the first or second chair person.

So thats that for now. Gonna go move to my comfy bed in a few. Been a long week! And a bad storm is a-comin' to the Northeast.............again. =/ No jogging this weekend I guess.

And once again, the paragraphs are run the HELL together. I've been trying to fix them but it doesn't ever seem to take. So annoying! I think I said this last time too. I give up w/ this shit.

Olympics 2010 - Men's Figure Skating

CONGRATS, EVAN LYSACEK on the GOLD MEDAL!!! First US Man since Brian Boitano (back in 1988) to win a figure skating gold medal!

Most of the men like to show off and prove their uber stregnth and yadda yadda yadda (typical males) and try a QUAD in their program, which is 4 revolutions. In the men's program, you are required to do triples. Most can safely land triples. Same in the women's competition.
The past few Olympics, alotta these guys started throwing quads in. If you land a quad, you could win and get extra points. But the problem is..... most of these guys, from Nagano, to Salt Lake City, to Torino to Vancouver now, DO NOT land the quads and DONT even land them in practice.

There were 3 Japanese competitors in these games. All 3 of them tried the quad. NONE of them landed it. I don't remember if Evan Lysacek did a quad. Johnny Weir had a quad Toe Loop (the easiest jump but i think all the guys do this jump as a quad) but Scott Hamilton (Long Time Commentator, Olympic Champion from 1984, professional skater, and Stars on Ice creator) said it was up to his COACH, Galina Zmievskaya whether Johnny would do the quad. Yevgeny Plushenko did it and LANDED it! But... he made alot of mistakes along the way. His jumps were off center and he landed them all but I think he lost points because of the revolutions being off. He probably wouldn't have gotten the Silver Medal if he DIDNT do the quad, so in this case, the quad helped. The others... they should've left it out.


The final standings for the men were: Evan Lysacek - gold, Yevgeny Plushenko - Silver, and Daisuke Takahashi - Bronze.

Yevgeny looks pissed that he didnt' win. He won gold in the LAST olympics in Torino. Daisuke seemed happy about his Bronze medal (thats the spirit!). He even had to stop his program cuz his lace came undone, and he had to fix it and resume in the middle. Kinda like Tonya Harding did in Lillehammer in 1994 if anyone remembers. Yevgeny couldve like pretended he was happy until he got backstage ya know....

Here is Evan's coach, Frank Carroll, who also coached Michelle Kwan, the 1998 Olympic Silver Medalist, US Champion, World Champion and 2002 Bronze Olympic Medalist. He barely cracked a smile.

All this talk about men's figure skating just wouldn't be entertaining if we didn't have some pizazz, and flamboyance, right? Well here it is.....

Johnny Weir.... need I say more. lol

Fabulous pose. Johnny weir is gayer than the Gay Pride Parade, but it's all good. You can't NOT like Johnny. He's just so......fab! He is into all things Russian (he may be part russian, not sure), and he seems like a nice guy. He's outspoken, and is himself. Thats why I like him. He doesn't do those pre rehearsed comments like the other skaters do. He says what he thinks. Johnny was gonna retire but decided not to and he made it here. He did not do a quad, his program was great to me, but the judges placed him 5th. Big surprise to me, the audience and the commentators, Scott Hamilton and Peggy Flemming (1968 Olympic Champion).

TRIVIA! Johnny's coach is Galina Zmievskaya who coached 2 Ukrainian Olympic Champions....

Oksana Baiul - Lillehammer 1994 Gold Medalist. (She's still my fave even tho' she's a little weird now)

And Viktor Petrenko - 1992 Albertville Gold Medalist. I used to have a crush on him from like 1992 to I dunno, whenever he stopped skating professionally.Probably late 90s. I saw him with Galina Zmievskaya and Johnny Weir last night and he still looks good. And he's like in his 40s now. Poifect! haha. He's actually not gay (for the ppl who think all male figure skaters are gay). Some are some arent.

So thats all for my recap/commentary on the men's competition. The women's competition starts Tuesday night (fuck I have band rehearsal!!!!) and has the medal event Thursdsay (fuck I have an Anatomy Lecture!!!!!!!!!!) but hopefully I can get a delayed cast. i know they rerun it at 1am or 2am. For skating, I WILL stay up and watch it.

My fave for the Women's event is actually NOT from the USA. I want Yu Na Kim from South Korea to win. She's been my fave skater recently. Her rivals are Mao Asada, Carolina Kostner, and maybe Rachel Flatt and Marai Nagasu. I'm not sure who else got to the olympics from the other countries yet. I'll see when they show it. Yu Na could take it all. But she has consistancy problems. I'll do a recap of that event too.

Yu Na Kim. Possible 2010 Olympic Champion???


**** The paragraphs running together is really getting on my nerves. I go in and edit it and it doesn't take. I tried editing the html part too and it wont take either. Gonna complain. lol

Poverty here I come! Well here I shall stay I mean.

Today was a bad day. I went to UE to find out for sure what my claim was gonna do next. I needed to come up with a plan. I have an $8000 extension sitting there for the income level I make now (barely makin' it).But my claim renewal date is approaching (April 6). last year I had to renew my claim insted of take the extension I had. This year its different. All I did was TEMP.

I temped for shit pay. Cuz well, thats what temping pays. So UE is 60% of that shit pay. I waited at the UE office for 3hrs. I was about to leave cuz there was 100 ppl in front of me, but in the end decided to stay. I talked to the wonderkind, Patrick, a nice guy who works ther who can override the system and he'll actually help you, rather than tell you TOUGH like the rest of em do. I was hoping I'd get to talk to Patrick. He was my onlyhope. there was a spanish lady there too who was a bitch. I didnt want to talk to her. She doesn't go out of her way to help like Patrick does.

I got called and I did have Patrick. I explained my situ and he kept flipping thru tons of screens and he was doing math out loud. I hoped that'd be a good sign. He said "ok ..." in a good tone, hoping that maybe he was gonna help me.

Then he goes "You can't take your first extension. The government wants people off the extensions cuz its federal money. Youo are elegible for a new claim since you've worked (temped) and you have to take what they give you." I was shocked. I said "what about that $8000 I have sitting there?! Its gonna go to waste?!". He said, "basically, yeah. You have to take the new claim. Its federal rules. We can't tamper with it." I was in a state of panic, knowing how little i got paid as a temp, thinking my claim was gonna be $300 a week or so. Which I couldn't live on. I asked him if there was any way he could tell what I was gonna make on my new claim. He said yeah and he said they use all of 2009's income. I was gonna make....


$279 a week.



I think i said something like "WHOA" or something lielk that like i got shot in the stomach by a sniper. It was a huge blow. I Knew theres no way i can live on so little money. No way. I got up so quickly and walked out. Panicking. I knew there was no hope at all now. I was gonna be in poverty longer. Much deeper into poverty.

Shit's hard. Money's tight. I try to see my friends and enjoy life if I can swing it cuz at this point, its all I have. There'll be no more of that. I probably won't be able to drive much anymore. Def wont be able to go out w/ friends unless its someone's house. I walked to my car in a state of defeat.

They beat me. I lost the battle.

I can't believe things are going this way. I dont' know whats next. Short of a miracle, theres no hope. This is where I am now. Cuz I sure the hell dont' feel like talking.

i did the math and found out that the federal poverty level is $10,000 and change. I'll be making $7,000 and change. I will be living under the poverty level at 30yrs old. But won't qualify for help cuz there are alotta people poorer than me (who have kids). I never thought that THIS would be my life.

All I can do now is hope for a miracle. Cuz I'm all out of ideas and for once I dont' have a plan. I always have one. But today I was defeated by the government. Thanks, Uncle Sam. *flips off*

People who know me know i'm "anti drug" and barely take an advil unless I have a splitting migraine or something but tonight, I am gonna fill my Rx for Xanax. Shit that I usually sell for 10x the price to other people. I'm about to call the pharmacy now to have them fill it. Its gonna be rough from here on out and I'm overstressed as I'm writing this. Luckally I'm so not an addictive person and dont enjoy feelig like a vegetable so Xanax is only for rough nights.

Running works better than a drug. Problem is its snowing and its slushy. If it wasn't I'd be going for a jog instead of resorting to the American way to solve problems by popping a pill. *bah*

Ghetto Supermarket pays off!

Dolla dolla bill, yo!

Since I'm still in the same situation and will have to learn to live like this long term (since the economy isn't getting any better, and the wait for nursing school is 2yrs from March (the date of the info session), I have realized that I have to just learn to live as the poor do. I've been pretty poor for the past 3 1/2 years on and off, with an 8moth stint of middleclass-dom. I love food, and I like to cook new things, and try new recipes that end up being costly.

I have a culinary album on facebook, where I just take pictures of some food, and I try to arrange it Top Chef style, although I lack the Top Chef Culinary education. Lately the album hasn't had many new updates due to my small grocery budget. It seems like I'm ALWAYS buying groceries. I used to spend $150 a month on groceries (which includes toilet paper, cleaning products, toiletries, shampoo and conditioner and contact lens stuff). Now I have to spend less if I want to have ANY kind of social life and want to be able to get takeout on really busy nights when I'm too tired to cook. Something's gotta be cut to make that happen.

I used to shop at Foodtown since their meat prices were decent. Recently my neighbor told me about the supermarket in Asbury Park. She said the meat is REALLY cheap there and I should check it out. She shops for a fam of 4. Me, just one. But still. One day when I was really broke (I think I had 11 bucks) I went to the ghetto supermarket and saw how much meat I could buy for the money. The meat looked decent. I've eaten stuff there before and I'm still alive, not sick so.... *shrug* I guess its ok. Some of the other things are lower quality though. The veggies and stuff like that. There aren't as many options as a regular supermarket either. They have some weird shit from Mexico, and South America that I've never heard of. Lots of latino candy and cookies and breads too. Most of the store is latino stuff. So the American products take a backseat. Most of the patrons pay with WIC (food stamps) so there are long lines at the checkout. But its worth it.

Normally the shopping I did today wouldve cost me around 70 dollars. Today my total was $53. I got ALOT of food. My cabinets and fridge are more stocked than theyve ever been!!! I'm happy that I found a way to get more food for my money, since I don't qualify for food stamps.

May not look like alot to you people who are married w/ kids, or who live with your parents, but for one person, this is ALOT of food. All for $53! I had pretty much nothing before this except some stuff in the fridge door, and the sauces and spices on the left side of my cabinet.

I can't wait til I can afford better stuff again but I expect to remain poor for a long time based on how things are going.


Note: The first picture in this entry of Fine Fare is actually in Inwood in Manhattan where I used to live. Inwood is at the border of Washington Heights and The top of the island of Manhattan.