Just another school related rant...
I've been trying to figure out what's next w/ school. I found out the other day that the wait for my program is 3yrs! I don't think I'm on the later end of that waiting period, but more like in the middle (1.5-2yr) since I applied (they go by your apply date) in the Spring of 2009.
I know I can't stay where I'm at in my life for that long. I make very little money, not even enough to cover my expenses ( I had to delegate my car payment to my father and he reluctantly agreed - but not permanently), and I'm livnig off my college refund and my shitty temp and or UE checks. Not at all where I thought I'd be at this age =(.
I need to work. I need to make more money. So what can I do? I've applied at shit retail stores, restaurants,etc. Nothing. They won't hire me cuz all my work exp is corporate. They know I'm desperate. They know I'll leave the minute I get offered a real job that pays enough. I came back to school to become a nurse, rush thru it and basically kill myself getting thru full time. Now that hte wait is so long, therse no point in killing myself anymore. I killed myself for a year. I thought I was halfway done. I'm only 1/3. The nursing prog is 2.5yrs as a fulltime'er, which I can't be if I work. I dont have enuff UE or a decent weekly payment figure of UE to survive on it too much longer. i'm already one social class below what I used to be and not happy about it. I figured that what I'm making now, my annual income (if I dont get anything better) will be $4,000 above the federal poverty line. Again, never thought this would be where I would be at my age.
Its kinda hard to get past that.
Right now, I'm taking 4 classes but I count them as 5 since my Anatomy & Physiology course is really TWO classes and TWO grades. Here is my current schedule
Monday: Work 7 to 4, 2hr commute and break, Public Speaking from 6 to 9.
Tuesday: Work 7 to 4, 3 hour break to do whatever, Band rehearsal from 7 to 9.
Wednesday: Work 7 to 4, 2hour commute and break, Anatomy Lab from 6 to 8.
Thursday: Work 7 to 4, 2 hour commute and break, Premed Physiology (part of Anatomy &Phys) Lecture (and it drags!) from 6 to 10
Friday: Thank the heavenly stars above, I'm OFF!!!! but I usually crash at 8pm anyway haha.
Saturday: Childhood and Life Span Psychology from 2 to 5, then any friends are doing anything, I'll hang if I have the energy.
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Now think of doing this, every year for the next 6 years. Well thats what my school expects of me!
I go to school solely on financial aid. If I dont' get it, I can't go. Period, point blank. I am way too poor, althought the government says not poor enough (even now! thats hard to believe) to get grants. I am gonna fight that determinatio though. I wouldnt be me if I didn't fight. thats all I seem to do nowadays is fight, bargain, and persuade people to give me what I WANT. I'd say I have about a 70% success rate w/ that. I'm a good persuader.
ANYWAY! So my school says I need to take 6 credits at all times to get financial aid. Right now, its not so bad to do 6, but later on, when each nursing course is 2 clinical days, a lecture and a lab (4 days), when the HELL am I gonna have the time/energy to take ANOTHER class?! I won't! Ican't not work. I think I've ridden out UE as far as it'll take me. Been on for 2yrs now. But all thats out there are low paying SHIT JOBS. So I do have to work. I can't stay anywhere for free, and have my shit handed to me on a silver platter like most other people. I tried arguing w/ the finanacial aid lady but she rushed me out (they always do) cuz there was a line. I want to see if there are other financial programs out there for me. My income is low. I'm not on welfare, but I'm considered 'poor' on all counts now. WHY CANT I GET FINANCING?! Kids hav ethe option for the most part to NOT work. But me, I can't. Its not easy for working adults to go to school.
I registered today. Reluctantly, I decided to take a class every night again except no Sats this time!. I am taking 7 credits. can't do 6 since the Science ones are 4 each. I dread having to run here and there every night running myself down, but for now the school wont' let me stay if I don't. I wish there were other options. I can't afford to pay for the classes one at a time. If I had a DECENT JOB I could. They're about $525 for a Monmouth co resident, each. Science is more. Probably close to $700. Thats not something I can do right now unless things change.
I feel like I'm trapped now. I kinda wanna stop school, but I want to be a nurse, but at this pace, will I even pass? I'll be so worn out by the time I get into the program. The info session and some friends have said that most people DO NOT succeed in the program if they work full time. So i'd be going in with most of the odds against me. I was never a straight A student, or brainiac. So going from how I am , to a super student is a far stretch. I already study every moment I have free. My grades this semester are eh. Last semester I didn't work and I got All As and Bs. I just dont have enough free time to dedicate to this. So I don't know.
The only solutions are:
Get a REAL JOB that pays a liveable wage again (which basically don't exist right now). And pay for one class at a time out of pocket, lessening the course load.
See if I can get approved to live on Campus (only choice is Rutgers) so my housing will be paid for, wait til car is paid off next yr, and bills (with school refund hopefully) and quit working as long as I get 100% housing (but I probably won't cuz htey dont think i'm poor enough).
Give up on school completely until I have some sort of way to stay afloat and just work 2 jobs to make ends meet. Logically, this is what I should be doing now. but I'm not ready to throw in th towel just yet. If there are no other options I'll see. I still wanna be a nurse but I need a place to live. I need to workunless theres a way for me not to for a few years and I HIGHLY DOUBT IT! I'm gonna have to start playing the lotto. But I won't win =/ But I can try. Even if I win $100,000 I can live off of that for a while. Ive been so poor these past few years, and with my car paid off next year, I can live on less than before. But I don't know.
I'm trapped. I just hope I don't fail. That means I will have wasted thousands of dollars that I have to pay back.
Once again, another pretty big problem thrown at me to handle. I feel like one of those jugglers on a unicyle. I'm really tired of all the bullshit and just wanna live like a NORMAL person again. I don't even know what that feels like anymore. I look at my friends moving up in the world and only imagine what it must be like (my old succeses before mean nothing anymore). I'm a spectator looking in now. I have nothing in common w/ my friends anymore (except the few unemployed ones who understand what its like). They are allmoving up in the world and I'm moving further and further down into poverty. We are now in 2 different worlds. Thats why I dont see my employed friends much. It makes me feel worse about this situation. They probably look down on me anyway, whether they want to admit it or not. Just a failure. Poor her. Look at what happened to 'her'. I know thats what most people think. But I'd probably think the same thing if I were them. Ijust want to be a normal person again.
With that being said, I gotta go to rehearsal.
End rant.
I know you love band and I hate to suggest this, but that takes up a lot of time that you need to be dedicating to studying and getting high grades in your classes. Plus the socializing and the TV or whatever. You're in school to GET IT DONE!! And you can! But you're feeling burnt out and stretched way too thin then you should re-evaluate what it is that NEEEDS to get done, and what is extra and can be put on hold. You NEED to make sacrifices, even if it sucks. Yeah yeah you've been making sacrifices. We get it.
ReplyDeleteTake it from someone who has burnt herself out from Full time work and full time school. It was a pain in the ass but I'm almost done and there's a muthafuckin light at the end of this tunnel! At least for now, which I felt took forever, but I had to make sacrifices at time. I'm not getting any younger either and I made the decision to go to school to GET IT DONE! Yeah I overshot sometimes and took on more than I could handle and I had to be honest with myself even if it meant dropping a class here or there. As much as I tried doing saturday class, it never worked out. Even kristina used to joke whenever I'd register for one because of course I'd end up dropping it, lol.
I did learn a lot from the 2 week winter course i took in Jan. I was scared because he was one of the most difficult professors at my school and I even thought about dropping the class before it even started. But I knew I needed it to finish sooner. The class was hard as f*ck and so demanding, but for two weeks I said f*ck everyone! I went to bed early, woke up early. Made it to every class and did every assignment, and I got a B+. I aimed for an A+, but her a B+ aint bad either! And I was so happy and so proud of myself for making that sacrifice.
I definitely think you can do it, but you need to make those sacrifices. You're growing up and you know (or should know) that you dont' have time to mess around. And even it it means you need to relocate and fine a cheaper living situation with more job prospects (yes, they are out there!), and a school with less of a wait, then DO IT! Would you rather live on the beach now and struggle not knowing where money is coming from day to day, or live on the beach in the future after you made sacrifices and made those things happen! You're young and have no kids or husband to worry about now and you're free to make moves.
It's 2010, Make Moves!