Silence

I officially have the worst luck in this entire universe. This sounds so teenagerish to say, but it's true. Friends have been telling me that for years. But it all kind of came to a closed circle this afternoon.

I woke up, prepared to go apply for more shit jobs close by, then I took a walk on the boardwalk. I was waiting for the Locksmith to call so they can fix my trunk, which thelock won't open on. This way I can transport my kayak around, and have access to my life vest, and seat back. Not to mention books, shoes, resume folder, beachchair etc that are locked in there.

As I was walking, a friend called saying she was at Sandy Hook asking if I wanted to meet up and hang out. I was stuck waiting for the locksmith, who has nevercalled and its 3pm now! But also it cost $10 to go onthe beach, sitting in traffic to get there, it wouldn't work. I had to decline, but I really wanted to hang out. I haven't seen anyone in a week. I've pretty much been isolated due to lack of money.

I had a missed call while I was on the phone w/ my friend andit was my recruiter. Her tone of voice was solemn. There were alot of 'ummm's. She said to call her ASAP about my job. I knew.

I've been a temp for 3yrs. If you're not perfect, they ax you. I've been axed at least 6 or 7 times in the past 3yrs for not being 'the right fit'. I didn't know what the reason was for this thing, but I assumed it was the same.

I called all the temp agencies begging for work. One agency submitted my resume to two different jobs. The others had no work. Of course! Then I called the recruiter to hear the story. She is a very nice lady, who found my resume on Monster, and she continued to be sweet til the end. She generally sounded sorry and she basically said the reason I was axed was...

The woman I was replacing BEGGED for her job back. =( They let her haveit. The woman is a senior citizen who works 2 days a week, goes to FL in the winter, and they needed a full time peroson. That would've been me. She doesn't know Excel or Power Point,a nd all she can really do is type stuff. They were going to let her go and take me. I felt bad though. but she was retired and she was just using this job as "Atlantic City money",so the bosses said. She had a husband w a good pension, enough money to own 2 houses.... I can't blame her for begging for it though.

So I didn't do anything wrong. The woman was tipped off somehow that I was her replacement (I worked days she didn't work), but there were traces of me, not to mention a new login on her computer with my name. She knew. She begged. She got it. The VP apparently when he called the recruiter said that it took him a few hours to make the call because he felt so guilty and horrible. She said the VPs voice was very telling of this. His voice was very sorrowful, and not the usual fabulousness he normally spoke with. *sigh*

I couldn't believe that happened. I wished that this job would save me. I'm running out of money and have noone left to help me. Only my dad could ever help me. Noone else has money , and even if they do, why would they help ME? After I hung up the phone I sat on some rocks in front of my house and the world went silent. No birds, no people, no construction, no background noise, no waves from the ocean. I heard nothing. I probably zoned out. It was just this eerie weird silence Ih ave never heard before.

I think I lost. I don't know what to do now. I just feel nauseous and numb right now. I know the money is low. I don't know how much further I can go. Please pray for me. and I'm not religious. I really don't know what else to DO.