I really hope this isn't my swan song, but I definitely am starting to feel like it is. I've been unemployed for 3 years. I have survived working one low paying, shitty temp job after another. Losing my dignity and every ounce of self worth along the way. I have been treated like the help. Like a slave from the days of Gone with the Wind. I lost my identity. I was no longer me. I was "the temp". I didn't have a name. I didn't have a story. I didn't have a life. I was just a dispensible thing brought in to do a company's dirty work, and then cast aside when they were done w/ me.
My unemployment has exhausted. I won't be eligible for another year again. My father's pension is all that is keeping me going. Thankfully he left it to me. It wasn't much though. I have had nothing but huge gaps between temp jobs. I've worked less in 2011 so far than I ever have. I am running low on money. I have nowhere to go and noone to turn to. I know if I go broke, I'm gona live in the back seat of my car, which I still owe like $1,600 on, so assuming I can work enough to even legally OWN the car.
Last night after I got the news that I wasn't chosen for 2 temp jobs I interviewed for, I looked around at all the things in my apt. I felt like I should start packing. I honestly felt like my days were numbered. I only have enough money to pay the rent thru July. I havne't worked at all this month. It doesn't look like I'll be working next week either. I kinda laughed at the thought of packing though because I have no where to bring my stuff to! If I leave, I would have to just abandon my apt and all my furniture. I will ask someone if they can hold my big screen tv and my flute and piccolo and my important docs. But as far as myself I don't know WHERE I'm gonna go. Noone has room. I am looking at prices on tents today. At least I could sleep stretched out as opposed to in a tight fetal position inthe back seat of my car. I'm too tall to lay down in the car. I have a down comforter for winter, although I hope if I lose m y home I will have gotten a job or placed somewhere before next winter.
I know if I get placed, I'd probably end up in a bed bug ridden roach motel in the hood. I kind of would prefer my car or a tent than anyplace w/ bed bugs! I have no kids though so I don't know who will help me, if anyone will. I am going to go to social services next week and ask abotu my options if I run out of money. I always worried about this, but as my $ drops more and more its becoming more of a reality. I walked up the coast yesterday and appreciated how lucky I've been to live onthe beach. It made me sad to realize that I may have to leave,and have no idea where the HELL I'm gonna go next. I really hoped I'd find work. I had no problem getting temp jobs, but now even those are getting harder and harder to get. I interviewed for a marketing job 3wks ago that pays decently but still have no heard and answer. The recruiter keeps telling me they are gonna make a decision "tomorrow". That was weeks ago. I don't think it's gonna happen. That is my miracle. If I gt that job, I can rebound from this. If Idon't, I'm back to working shitty temp job to shitty temp job and my stress levels will remain on high alert. I'm pretty much in emergency mode now. I'm looking for tents online for god sake! I never thought I'd be homeless. I never thought this would be my life. Now I'm looking it right in the face but I'll fight to the end before I abandon my stuff and set up my new life in the great outdoors/or my car if I can pay it off. I just wish I had someone who could help me. =/
If its the end of the road, I walk it alone. Here goes nothing.
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