Life AFTER Joe

So as some of you know, my father, who I just called 'Joe' (we weren't a typical family to say the least) passed away after 4 yr battle with complications from lung cancer.

He did survive the lung cancer, but his health declined, and he was in and out of the hospital non stop for respitory issues. His lungs gave out on November 10, 2010 around 2pm ish. My cousin and I didn't make it to the hospital in time.

This isnt' a tribute. I'll do one later once all this bullshit is finished, but I just wanted to rant actually.

I knew it wasn't going to be easy planning a funeral at age 30. Even though age 30 is when alot of your parents start to die. I had NO idea where to start, what to do, where to go, what was needed from his papers and from me. I asked some friends who have been thru it before and they gave me good advice. But unfortunately they didnt know enought to guide me thru the whole process....which has been rather exhausting.

My family are usless, except for about 7 cousins , but they're not offering to help. My uncle (bible toter clan) and aunt are great for making demands that a priest come and all that, but they dont want to pay for it.........figures. Then The funeral home gave me the cost breakdown , and it was $2000 more than what his life insurance covered. And we didnt have a wake! So I said "no deal." Well have to cremeate him then and I'll decide what happens cuz Id ont have that kind of money. A few hours later he called back and offered me another breakdown of costs where my portion was $200. Much better, asshole!

The funeral itself went off without a problem. I got his millitary papers faxed tot he right department so he could have the millitary funeral/salute/gunfire/and flag ceremony,which occupied the time. Usually they have a priest doing ...whatever he does. Teh bible toters said they now wanted THEIR priest (who was dressed like a monk) to do it but they had no money. Grrrrr............... of-course-they-did-nt! >=/

So I reached into my own wallet to pull out money for the priest I didn't even want. THEY wanted him. They can't cope w/ him not getting the catholic blessings or whatever. I wasn't happy after that one. But family does that. At least mine does. Now you know why I don't spend holidays with them. It gets worse but we won't go there now!

So after the funeral, I have been waiting for the death certificate which I was told was gona be ''in the mail'' by the funeral director. A week passed, nothing. Another week, I called. They said they're working on getting it to me soon. I let it slide cuz I had a nother week or two. Then last week I called agian. THey said they wanted my uncle to have his first since he is the life insurance beneficiary. MEANING if the uncle doesn't get his certificate, the funeral home doesn't get paid. OH NO....we wouldn't want that, would we? =( *roll eyes*, So I restated that all my dad's t hings are HERE in NJ. and I am here in NJ. And I am the one who has to empty storage, which is definitey a challenge , and his apartment, which I have to see what shape the gold digger left it in. I'm sure she didn't clean it. She probalby just grabbed her shit and ran.

The cable company wont stopcharging him til they get the cable box, modem and phone stuff out cuz it belongs to them , and when i went into the rental office, the girl told me that unless my name is listed as "in case of emergency" on the lease, i have no power and can't get in. Only the name listed can get in. That is my bibletoting uncle who will not come down here. He's old nad not ablebodied to empty out a house full o furniture. I'm semi able bodied, nad I know I can do it, but I'll be so sore I probably wont be able to MOVE the next two days, but i'll plan for that in my schedule.

I asked the girl how I can get a death certificate. She tells me to go to New Burnswick's Admin building. Then another girl said NO, go to oldbridge municipal offices and get the cert there, but they are $10 ea and you'll need between 10 and 20 of them. UGhhhhhhhh thats alot of money and I haven't temped in weeks! The other girl says I have to go to New Brunswick and ask for power of attorney of the judge. I have to bring the death cert w/ me. Now I'm sure this will not go smoothly as noone answered the phone there this afternoon so i can verify what exactly I need to bring with me. I'm gonna bring his whole briefcase w/ papers and all my papers I can think of.

Problem is, i can't get the death cert without MY birth cert! I had 4 copies here. 2 in my hiding spot, and 2 were in his briefcase. I saw them several times. Tonight NONE of them were there. I looked like 6 or 7 times in each place, tore apart the area under my breakfast bar, looked in the tool box and storage tub and NOTHING. Not one birth certificate. Soooooo I basically have to go to New Brunswick to get my BC,then go back to Old Bridge to get a fw of his Death Certs, then go back to Court in New Brunswick and ask the judge if they willl give me power of attorney. (they could say no), if they do, and i have the papers, THEN I can finally start closing things out. I snuck into storage this afternon to get some of that going. I dont need these people telling me i cna't be in there when alot of the stuff instorage is MINE and I had the key all along and I went to storage w/ out him for years. So, being the rebel that I am, I just went in and got to work. Of course the closed off the dumpsters behind fences and locks (wtf?!) and a sign saying "Please do not dump out side of the dumpsters, or a pick up fee will be assessed to your account." Um.....well why don't you OPEN them up so we CAN dispose of things properly??I have about 2hrs worth of work tomorow in storage and then its done. i'll keep the lock and use it for my kayak so I don't have to buy a new one so that'll work. I took whaqtever was mine (threw alot out tho) and my next task is his apartment. I have no idea what state this woman left the apt in. Regardless I'm gonna clean up the mess. If I do, I get $500 of his security. They're gonna pay DEcember's rent out of his security no matter what.

This is where I'm at at this point in time. So far from finished. I also need to know who needs the official cert adn who can just be faxed one. Each official seal is $10. IF I really need $20 that is gonna clean me out and frankly, it'll have to wait til I am able to fit it in my budget. Luckally I have no family to buy Christmas gifts for, but I have bills to pay, and of course mounting medical bills have no end in sight. I hope all the bad stuff w/ me is over for a while until I find a job and health insurance!

I was out all day long tending to whatever I could, then going to school. Tomorrows another day. Gonna do the court system tomorrow even though it loooks like I'm gonna be all over Middlesex County all day long.

One thing that makes me smirk is.... my uncle thinks he's power of attorney because my dad's little letter to the gold digger says so. But theres no will and my uncle doesn't have the letter. So I'm about to become power of attorney. Meaning when his pension payout happens, maybe it wont go to probate. And I can say where it goes. Course my mother will probably be all up in my kool aid trying to get a handout. She needs to go find someone else to give her a handout but she never gets it. I'll give some to my bro. Who I'm sure he will give his money to her, but if hes that stupid, thats not my problem. The other sister that disappeared 16yrs ago, gets nothing. I dont know her. I'm sure she's doing find as someone in the Air Force so...... don't even! If theres enuff left, i'd like to help out a few friends who really are struggling. I cna't give any lavish gifts but maybe i can help. I don't know. And of course theres me...... Same 2 choices. Pay off bills, or stock pile it. Its never an easy decision. I need to temp, or shit........just WORK already so I can pay off the bills and get my credit back up to what it was before all this job loss shit happened. Its fixable. Just need money to fix it.

I wasn't kidding about going to Paris though. I don't speak french, no.... but it's time. If anyone wants to come, i could use the company. But if not, I can do it alone. I will find a way to communicate. Ciao

Clingy, codependent relationships

One thing I really wanted to write about, is another social type issue that I see alot of, and lost some friends to... Clingy, codependent relationships. So I'm sure this blog will defintely offend someone, but too bad. It is what it is. I think basically all my blogs will offend people though.

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As I was looking through various facebook profiles, you can clearly see who they are. When every single profile picture of theirs, is them and their boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife. Every single one. Nothing wrong w/ posting pics of you and your sig other. But when every one on YOUR (note the word "your") profile, which is supposed to be about YOU, is the both of you, maybe you should step back a little and ask if you're being super clingy.

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Does it affect me? Usually, no. I just find it so annoying, just like overly hoity toity people at a country club discussing yesterdays polo match, and how the help ruined their $20,000 Gucci gown by spilling a glass of $500 wine on it while bringing it to your ass on a silver platter. LOL. But in some cases it does. I have lost a few good friends to this since they virtually disappear when they get a bf, and only really see their friends as "backup" when the guy isn't around, or if they've had a fight, or broken up. I don't want to be your '''backup''' friend. Therefore, I really don't make an effort anymore. I spend my time with my friends who want to hang out with me whenever. Not just when their sig other isn't available.

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Lets take one person. We'll call her Miss C. I have noticed that all of Miss C's pictures are of her and her now husband. But the kicker is, she's literally hanging on the poor guy in every picture. I mean she's pretty and shouldn't have self esteem issues I wouldn't think but these pictures really seem to say "My husband is my WORLD". Now dont get me wrong. In a perfect world, I'd' be married by now, with 2 kids, but I could never see myself HANGING on a guy like that, nonstop, unable to detach from his side. I like my independance. I like my space. I like to hang out with the girls too, and its not healthy to spend all your time with one person. Not even if its one friend. If I ever became that clingy, someone please shoot me! But to reiterate, Miss C is either latched on to her hubby's arm , or he has his arm around her (he doesn't seem clingy. Only her). She seems noticibly happier when she's hanging on him. In pics of her and her friends, yeah sh e looks happy, but you can tell in pics w/ him, her self esteem is sky rocketing upwards.

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Miss C seems to be the most extreme case I've seen lately, but there are a few more. I've had a friend blow me of countless times to accomodate her bf. If she has plans w/ me or other friends, she'll just not show up, or not answer the phone if you try to call her. She honestly thinks its ok to blow off your friends for a guy. As if a guy is a good enough reason. I think she doens't 'think its ok to blow off in general. Only if its for a guy. Thats Jr High right there. This friend 'promises' they definitely want to hang out, catch up, have dinner, see a show, etc. Then it never happens. Cuz the bf wants to come that weekend. If that person wants to isolate themselves from everyone (I'm sure she does this to everyone else too), then fine. Just don't bitch and say I never invite you anywhere, I cuz I do. I've made it a point to invite those friends who have since disappeared, so I can see how things are going. I know I don't call people anymore. I just fell out of that habit after some drama that happened personally with someone unrelated and an unrelated topic, but I do try to get together w/ friends as often as I can. Some of them say they feel isolated or whatever, when the fact is, they isolated themselves.

That person lost all her friends. She now has noone but the bf. I barely talk to her anymore. But when I do, she definitely makes it clear that she has noone left but him. She made it that way. She couldve had everyone. But she wanted only one. Noone made them choose. They felt there was only room for one person I guess. I guess I'll never understand that. For me, the more people to hang out with, the better! Whether I'm in a relationship or not.

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Look at Heidi Montag from the Hills. Bad example, I know. But if you watch the show, you will see the progression that when she was with Spencer, she spent all her time with him, and eventually she lost all her friends. All they have is eachother. Heidi's mom said on one episode something like "'If you break up with Spencer, you have noone. No friends left."' Why would you put yourself in a situation like that. Do they think their friends are gonna stick around when you get blown off, or never make the effort to hang out? Probably not.

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What made me write this? Probably being blown off so many times. Trying to figure out why they think its ok. But back to the main problem, the codependancy....

So I read that its usually a rebound, they will rush to get married, then realize they made a mistake. I think one couple is a good match. One is definitely NOT, and the other it seems to be. The one thats not...the girl needs a man at all times. She feels incomplete w/ out a boyfriend. I have a relative like this too. As long as she has a man, she's happy (outwardly anyway, til you hear her bitch about him later on the rare occasions that you talk), it doesn't matter who the guy is, as long as he treats her well and they get along. They settle for anything even tho the guy may hold her back from doing what she likes to do. She becomes what he is. She likes what he likes. Also something I've noticed w/ one of those people mentioned above is that they hardly ever say the word "I" anymore. Its always "we". Obv if you're married/in a relationship there are gonna be alot of "WEs", but when there are nothing but wes?

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Another friend who I didn't think was in a codependant relationship, but she thought she was after it ended, said "I lost my identity. I was always (insert name here) and (my boyfriend). I want to be just (insert name here) now. I think she's done a good job. She has a bf, and is very social, going out w/ all her friends pretty equally it seems. ]

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I couldn't imagine being clingy. They call several times a day (with no good reason). Will sit there and watch you play a video game just to be in the same room as you (when you couldve gone and done something else), and wants to spend every waking moment with you. I'd' get tired of a person if I did that. I def would want to get out and hang w/ friends. I'm not saying I'm perfect by any means. But I guess I'm just really independant or something. Im totally fine if my bf wants to hang w/ the guys. If its all the time, its a problem. lol. I've dealt w/ that too, but that relationship is now over. But I WANT someone to hang out w/ their friends. If a guy I was with didnt have friends I would worry. I don't WANT to be the center of someone's world. I don't WANT all of his facebook profile pics to be of me and him (a few is fine). I dont WANT someone calling me 5x a day and being on the phone every free moment of time we have if they're not with me.

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Its really a shame to watch these girls isolate themselves, and god forbid their relationship doesn't work out, they'll be completely alone when its over. But friends shouldn't be used as "'backup" for their bf/hubby's lack of availability. But the problem is happening so much now, that I'm done. I wash my hands w/ those people. I have good friends who can break away from their man, if they have one, or even bring them along occasionally, but they dont have to be home, with their arms clamped around his for dear life 24/7. I see my friends alot. They are available a decent amt of times. I can plan things w/ them. And most importantly , they don't blow me off! That is what sabatoged the friendship for one of them. Maybe if she would've cancelled instead id have more respect for her. But she doesn't do that, so I don't.

They should help themselves though and allow time for friends. Even if I'm not in the picture. Just any friends. I guess dealing with the relative that's like that made me sickened by the whole thing.

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* I wrote this instead of an English paper I was supposed to do. The school wont let me into the system cuz I don't have a barcode. So.....yeah. I'll have to procrastinate and do it tomorrow (the day its due)....once again. Maybe I should do my paper on codependancy. I'll think about it. Its either illegal seal hunts, whale hunts, or that. Whatever has more info. Less work the better! lol

SHOES!

I got my school loan money, sooner than expected, so I've been a good chica and paid all the bills for Oct and am in the process of paying off two credit cards. I have been saying though that I want a new pair of shoes for performances since I usually end up wearing my old pointed toe pumps (out of style but I wore em anyway), or just chunky work shoes. Last round of concerts the sole part that supports your arch broke and the shoes were unwalkable. I have cheap 14 dollar black shoes but they look like they came from WalMart (they did) and they have lil rhinestones on them which don't exactly go with the rest of the look, usually. I do wear them but I got a better version of those too.

The shoe pictured above was reduced in price at Macys and I really like all the straps. I don't mind wearing open toe sandals in the winter since I'll just be going from my car to the venue and back. I really don't mind walking in open toes unless its snowing or something.

I also bought another pair of round toe (in style) black pumps for work/job interviews/nights out. The sandal above could be for nights out too. And the pumps could be for shows. According to our director, we'll be in quite a bit of extra special shows this season. So aside from the mandatory black bottom , white top dress code we have, the only thing you can express your sense of style with are............ the shoes.

Oh plus I'm going to alot of performances in Newark this season too. So the shoes will def come in handy. Now I have to decide whether to buy the parking pass, or just take the train each time. Parking pass is cheaper for NJPAC but alot of shows are in New Brunswick too, which is more affordable to drive to , and to park for free somewhere (in the hood) and walk. If need be, their parking garages cost like $5 compared to Newark's $16.

Who said shoes didnt bring happiness? Or money for that matter? Trying to just pay it out to bills this time since it looks like I'll have income til Feb for sure. The other months that wasn't the case and there were lapses in UE.

Mosque at Ground Zero

To hear the latest scandal du jour in America is amusing. People are now infuriated that they want to build a Mosque and an Islamic Center at/near (Not sure) the World Trade Center (thats what I still call it by habit, but more commonly known as GROUND ZERO).

What's my view on it? I have no problem with it. Not all muslims are terrorists. I think, in my opinion the site was chosen to show the worlds "We're not all like that. Let us show you."

Yes, the Sept. 11th Terrorists were Muslim. But they were brainwashed and believing that america was the devil and when they died, they''d' go to a fucking garden of eden with like 27 virgins or something. Thats like saying all Catholics are sodomising young alter boys.

Go ahead and put it there, if it were up to me. People nowadays get offended by so many things its sickening. They don't like the color of a model's Victoria's Secret panties, they raise hell. "*roll eyes*. Whatever. I would think as we got older people would be more liberal but it''s not really like that, apparently.

Why not worry about something more important than a Mosque........ THE ECONOMY and CREATION OF JOBS!

Absinthe

I had always been curious about absinthe since I was a teenager, seeing it in a movie one day. It was a mysterious green spirit with a ritual preparation of a sugar cube, spoon, water and sometimes fire. The drink was banned in Europe in the late 1800s or early 1900s (this ain't wikipedia, people! You want stats, look em up!). Thats what drew me to this drink. The fact that I'm not supposed to drink it, makes me want to drink it MORE!

I went to Spain in 2004. I went on a search for absinthe. Unfortunately, due to the shitty value of the US dollar vs the Euro, my $500 spending money turned into 340 Euros upon exchanging it =(

The cost of living equaled America so there was no money for expensive souviniers. Especially since upon my return, I'd have to pay the rent. My plan WAS to buy a bottle of absinthe and sneak it back into the country in my luggage. Thankfully, I didn't buy it cuz I was selected for a random luggage check at the Madrid airport on my way home and they went thru all my luggage. They would've confescated the bottle since at the time Absinthe was illegal in the US. My absinthe dreams were crushed and stuffed aside somewhere until recently.

I don't really remember what started up my quest for absinthe THIS time, but at a bbq, I mentioned to some friends that I really wanted to try it. Everyone else said they did too. I decided to buy a bottle from Europe and have it shipped to me, and have a get together of my more adventurous friends to taste it.

Absinthe for those who don't know is a spirit distilled from wormwood which contains a chemical called thujone. It is rumored to cause hallucinations, and spark creativitiy. Many great artists of the belle epoque were absinthe drinkers. It was also rumored to drive people crazy. This is arguable, with people saying that the symptoms of some of these absintheurs were those of alcoholism, rather than drinking too much absinthe.

I don't do drugs. Never tried any (except my lifelong desire to try LSD just once - haven't yet)
but I wanted to see what the absinthe effect would be like. Would it make me hallucinate? Would it make me want to paint some dark twisted picture? Would I do crazy shit, totally out of character for me? I dunno! But I was sure as hell gonna find out.

Old Absinthe ads

"The Absinthe Drinker" . The green fairy, or fee verte was a nickname for absinthe.

Later on, there was propaganda against absinthe, saying it caused you to go insane.

Worried yet? Nahhhhh, this made me want to try it MORE.

I finally got my bottle of Strong 68 from Alandia, cooked some burgers, and chicken, broke out the slotted spoons I ordered, and decided to git 'er done.

Glasses lined up with spoons and a sugar cube.

There are two "rituals" to prepare absinthe, just like in the old days. The French ritual is to pour 1 oz of absinthe in a glass, top with a slotted spoon and a sugar cube. Drip cold water onto the sugar cube so it melts into the drink. You are supposed to dilute the drink with 3-5oz of water. I don't think we even used that much. Oops.


The Czech ritual is the same except you drip a few drops of absinthe on the sugar cube and light the cube on fire til it caramelizes, then you dunk it in the absinthe. You can also set the absinthe on fire and let the flame melt the sugar cube. I didn't do this because I didnt want to set the house on fire lol.

The essential oils of the drink come out when mixed with water and it turns into a cloudy liquid called a louche. Stir and bon apetit!

The taste was spicy, not bitter like everyone said. I did put 2 sugar cubes in though fearing bitterness. It had anise in it, like what's in sausage. Everyone laughed when I said absinthe tasted like sausage. But I am a fan of flavor and spice. I really enjoyed the experience. I even had 2 glasses, after swearing I'd only have one to start. Everyone had multiple glasses except 2 people.

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Did I hallucinate? No. Was I drunk out my mind? No. Did I feel different? YES. It took a while for it to kick in. I felt a little light headed, and due to my lack of experience with drugs, I'd assume it was a high feeling, but I really don't know. I remember laughing hysterically at a kid across the street trying to lean on a bush to take a picture of something in the next yard (it was dark and 1am at this point) and we all started cracking up. More than we probably would've if we weren't drinking.

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2 friends went home, 2 left. We went for a walk on the beach. It'd be all good as long as I didnt decide to walk to Portugal at low tide in the pitch black. That didn't happen. Returned home and cleaned up. Another friend went home. The last one was staying over because they wanted to hang at the beach the next day. I put my stuff away and went in my room to catch up on the daily Facebook happenings. Thats when I noticed something.

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I was looking at the font of the words on the screen. It was so THIN and WIDE. Why didn't i notice this before. I saw the dots on my sheets had a lining around them, and they had a pattern that repeated. The weaving of the fibers on the lampshade. The wood on the ceiling (I have a hardwood ceiling like a hardwood floor. weird). The numbers on the clock were dimmer than the numbers on the cable box clock. The triangular pattern of skin cells on my hand. I was staring at them in wonder. I never gave a SHIT before about those things.

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Then my hearbeat sped up for no apparent reason. I hoped I'd be able to sleep. I got up to pee. When I got in the living room my friend was still up watching tv. I felt like I was floating (but not drunk-drunk). Then I went back into my room and fell asleep. When I woke up I was fine.

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We barely made a dent in the bottle. We are gonna do it again. I was defintely a fan of absinthe. But if you don't like spice, you probably won't like this.

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I felt a connection to people during the Belle Epoque era carrying out age old rituals of preparation and feeling to some extent, the same buzz they did. I didn't paint any pictures or write any deep poems, but absinthe just gained a few more fans that night.

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The people who were too scared really missed out. I can't wait to do it again! I have it here but its lame to drink by yourself, so...until the next time!

Get a Real Job

The phrase I get the most nowadays is "When are you gonna get a real job?" or just "Get a real job already!" I'm so sick of hearing this bullshit. Today there was major drama at my temp job. Some tenants number was given out to another tenant, who then called the first tenant and accused her of having roaches. Then she called me cursing me out thinking I gave out her number (i didn't), and said she's offended that anyone would accuse her of being unclean and shit. She said she had maintenance issues from when she moved in in January (before I came here), and they haven't been fixed. Then she continued to curse me out, rant about my cheap jewish boss, and hang up.

Today the main office called and blamed me saying that she's had issues for months and I never reported it. The woman from the main office told me the tenant said this. I said if she called while I was here, it was reported. But its my word against theirs. Apparently the super said he never got the work order too.

When all else fails blame the temp.... >=/

So then I was told to call an exterminator. Since I am a lowely temp and not allowed to do anything, I had to call a woman at yet another office to call them. She wasn't available so ANOTHER woman told me she'll give her the message (she usuallyDOESNT pass along messages and just blames me and says she never heard anything from me). I was told to have the tenant write a letter stating that she needs an exterminator. Never heard of that before! But fine. I called her and told her. She was infuriated. I said I was doing as I was asked and I can't even write it myself. So she came over and wrote the letter. Her husband asked me if I was working with a temp agency. I said "unfortunately yes. It's all the work I can find right now." Her husband says "Go get a real job! Don't do this SHIT. This place is horrible! you'll get a bad reputation working here!" Although I see his point, I don't like to be talked to like I like temping and want to be a fucking career temp! I hate temping! I have to live and UE doesn't pay me shit this year. Plus I'm able to have somewhat of a social life, resulting in a much happier ME !

Then she says to me "I have children, and I want to see young people do well. Don't stay here. Get a real job!" Whatever lady. I thought I already made that clear that I'm only here because that's all I can find.

Anyway after I faxed the note to the Neptune office, I was told she has to provide me with a dead roach as proof that she has roaches. It was the end of the day and I didn't call her back. She'll be amused when she hears that. But different people say different things! Noone's story is the same. I complained to my boss that it was made to look like I never reported her leaking WHATEVER from Jan. Turns out she was calling in June, documented in computer, and the super said he completed the work. So I wrote a long email to my boss bitching that I am made to be the scapegoat. She is mad because someone gave out her NUMBER and YOU are screwing her over and she refuses to pay rent til they fix the problems (the whole complex is falling apart). And they are trying to twist it around blaming ME saying she's mad cuz of ME. The boss is a cowardly hasidic jew who doesn't deal with confrontation. Needless to say, he didn't answer. I am looking even harder for new jobs (temp or perm).Although I really need perm but theres just NOTHING!

My boss ^

I apply to tons of jobs, most of which I am overqualified for, and get no response. So I'm kind of in a rut. All I've done is temp, and my last real jobs were higher level jobs. Now I'm applying to entry level jobs. And getting nowhere. It seems that there are more bad temp jobs than good ones. I am so sick of being a fucking temp!! But i dont want to give up the happiness that comes with being able to do things and have a social life.

Band and Firework Wednesdays Once Again

So once again Summer Band has started up in my town. I'm glad I once again have something to do that I LIKE (as opposed to temping and running errands, which is all iv'e been doing as of lately).

But the downside is that we are in the middle of a 2 week (or more?) long heat wave with temperatures regularly in the mid to high 90s with high humidity, and the nights in the low 90s or upper 80s. I've barely turned off my AC the past few weeks. I love playing in the concerts, but playing in 94 degrees with 100% humidity is as close to hell as you're gonna get.

I feel like the more I drink, the faster I sweat it all out. Maybe I shouldn't drink? Then I won't sweat? Yeah but then I'll dehydrate and end up with an IV in my arm like many times before. I seem to dehydrate faster than the average person. I know once I lose my voice, I better start chugging a gallon of water, STAT!

The band plays a large variety of songs, and I really like the selection (usually). The problem is that alot of these pieces have been played for years, and the people know them well (even the difficult ones). I have only been in the band 3yrs, and I'm not as seasoned as the rest of them. I have one day to learn a song. its frustrating that sometimes fast 16th note passages can't be played up to speed when most of the others can do it. I consider myself a decent player, but in a day I can't work up to the level everyone else is at. Not all the songs have fast 16th note runs though. But usually the ones that do are my favorite. I love difficult pieces! But yeah, only one day to learn it can get a little frustrating is. The good thing is, I copy the hard pieces that i like to put in my music collection so I CAN learn them for the future. So when the songs repeat, I'll know the songs just as well as the other people.

I started writing out some music, which I haven't done since I was a teenager, and now I remember why! Its soooooo tedious. I have no patience and when I think that the famous composers like Mozart and Beethoven wrote 100s of symphonies, I think they mustve had no social life and been recluses or something (probably were). I do not like writing music! I would rather buy the piece online. Problem is, most of the songs I want to do for youtube aren't available. Soooooo, I got thru some of Cab Driver, by Daryl Hall. Its easy and it repeats alot, so once i write the verse, chorus and bridge, I'm done. It leaves room for improvisation. Now will I have the time to perform these songs? The temp job has great acoustics! My apartment does NOT. I dont know where I can really play these things. I also can't find my tripod. I think it might be in my car though. I'll have to dig thru the beach shit to see if its in there.

This blog is really random. I felt like writing one but its very uninteresting, talking about summer band, which most people dont' even know that I do this, and don't give a shit (which is why noone comes to see me play). But WHATEVS!

I finally got paid after going almost 5 days with no money, eating whatever edible crap I have left at home, eating once at the temp assignment, and rehearsing out in the sweltering heat. My check didn't get accepted in the ATM, of course,so I had to deposit with a teller. The ATM gives me cash asap. The teller deposits don't. Luckally my stimulus check was accepted by the ATM and I got $25 whole dollars to eat with. Spent 7. Will get gas. I have so many things to do now and I'm waiting for one more check tomorrow.

Oil Change, gas, eye exam, 2 cavities filled, new box of contact lenses, bills, AC fee, groceries, car wash (my car is so filthy its ridic), season beach pass, kayak paddle leash, big dry bag, flare for the ocean, and pay XM radio. I'm sure thers more. And I'm sure I'll be broke again by Sat. Ah the life of an unemployed person! Still pushing on looking for a job. Nothing but temp jobs out there tho'. Thats what I do now. Temp. i'm so sick of temping. But that helps me survive, so...

Oh, so after band theres fireworks. I really am not into them. Everyone else stars at them in wonder. They're not that impressive to me. They do them all the time at the shore. I watch them from my Bathroom (best seat in the house, not cuz i'm always in there! but because thats where you can see them from ). I just got in the car (i drove cuz i came straight from running errands to band and sat outside in the sauna .....er.... boardwalk), and drove straight home and went straight into a cold shower. I feel much better now and I really hope that this heat wave shit is almost over. I like the nights when we play and its like 73 and breezy since we play right by the ocean. But the nights lately are 93 and humid stagnant air.

Now I'm looking for some trashy reality show to watch to amuse myself before bed time. I'm pretty hyped up (always am at this time of nite esp if I'm out doing something), so sleeping is gonna be difficult. Ireally wish I had a job that goes with my nocturnal nature. I can sleep FINE during the day! Its getting to bed bfore midnight thats the problem.

Ok this was an uneventful blog. I got it out of my system. I dont knwo why I'm even gonna post it on facebook.... but. Maybe someone'll be bored and read it, as I was bored in writing it. *shrug*.

G'nite