The Hills Are Alive.... With the Sound of Muuuusicccccc!

I HATE " The Sound of Music" I hated the movie! I hate the soundtrack! But sadly, when I think of it, I can't get the song out of my head. Or the picture of Julie Andrews on a hilltop in Switzerland or wherever she's supposed to be, twirling so 1950's happily on a hilltop. *cringe*

I just thought this would be an appropriate title. This post will also be a shortie, as I don't have too much to say on the topic.

Last night a friend and I started talking about music. I think it started by me saying I swiped a music folder from the Band Dinner, cuz there were 3 difficult pieces in there, and I wanted to do the last concert, but am not a good sight reader. She said she wishes she played an instrument and started asking Qs about it. I never really had to 'teach' anyone anything, but now that I think about it...music is COMPLICATED!

The person who asked is a hell of a lot smarter than I will ever be! So I'm not saying its compicated to insinuate that other people can't learn it. I'm saying that I can't believe ***I*** learned it!!! lmao! We all know I'm not the brightest star in the sky. When I started explaining shit, I realized that music is like learning to read a new language. Its kinda like a form of heiroglyphics. I guess it took that conversation for me to realize that damn, I can do something that alotta people can't do! I never thougth of it like that. Nothing about me screams 'extraordinary', so its kinda cool that I can understand something that a small percentage of people understand. I honestly never thought about any of this before. I guess I naively thought most people could read music cuz most people I knew do.

People asked me the other day (while hanging out w/ my 2 neighbors and landlord on my porch), if I knew how to read music. I said yeah, and they were all like 'WOW!'. I kinda looked at them like they were crazy. But the thing is, me,and probably most musicians were trained at this since elementary school. So you don't really think about it much. You just do it. I started reading music at 9. Just your basic shit. Quarter notes, half notes, dotted half notes, and whole notes. Maybe some eighth notes. Jingle Bells type shit and Mary had a little lamb stuff too. Very simple. I was telling my friend that if she wants to play something, keyboard would be good to start on cuz you just hit a key, rather than rememeber a 1 to 14 key fingering like you do on flute and clarinet. If you have an Eflat, you hit the Eflat key. On flute, the Eflat fingering is every finger except the left pointer finger and left pinky.

Basic Xmas Music. This is actually for keyboard/vocals cuz of the Bass & Treble Clefs and the chords. But the top line is the melody. Very basic. Elementary school shit. Shit I first learned when I took over my dad's keyboard when i was 7yrs old.

I remember tyring to teach my other neighbor about clefs, time and key signatures. How confused she was. What a fermata was, what a slur and a trill was. Triplets, Sixtuplets, and Dectuplets (the one w/ 10 32nd notes to a beat? i guess i dont knwo the name of it either). I remember telling her I coudln't even begin to explain one of my pieces cuz it was syncopated and she was like "what?!" how most of its accented off beat. Syncopation is a pain. Its def my weak point. Along w/ s ight reading. Probably cuz its math. and if you know me, you know I'm horrible at math. Its all counting game.

I'm glad I'm not a music teacher, but I like explaining the stuff, cuz it makes me look like I can actually do something! So those of you who read music, stop and think about how much you DO know cuz something that you think nothing of, when put in front of you, is like gibberish to someone else. Its cool! I think its kinda like reading braille.

I def wanna teach my friend a little about music if she ever comes over. I have a keyboard. Its kinda cool to show someone how to do that. I hope I get the chance w/ them, or even someone else.

Oh and for those of you wondering why I took home the folder is cuz there's no way in hell I can sight read this (sight reading means we're having no rehearsal. Just performing this sight unseen). Yeah right. Will work on this tonight.

New Toys

Someone asked me what I'd buy if money weren't an object. I'm bored and have no work at my temp assign today (again), so I'll list them for your viewing pleasure!

**What I'd Buy If $ Were No Object**

Flat Screen Samsung or Sony LCD Tv for living room
Slightly Smaller one for bedroom, to be mounted on the wall.
Pay off the 7K I owe on my car, still.
Pay off all my bills and start working on rebuilding my credit.
Blue contact lenses (they're exp for me cuz I m nearsighted.)
Green contact lenses
Get ears fixed (cosmetic surg)
White Lexus SUV
A few more designer bags
Redo my kitchen. I rent, so I have no power to renovate. But landlord wouldn't care if I paid for it.
Redo carpet in living and bedrooms
New sink vanity.
Rain showerhead
Bowl sink (I <3 those!)
Persona trainer to the stars, so I can get back to my normal weight.
Nice new clothes insteada the simple cotton tees and black pants i always wear.
SHOES!!!
Lots of false eyelashes. I'd wear em more often if I had money to keep replacing them.
New entertainment console in living room
New more modern ceiling fan insteada that brass 1990s one my landlord put in
(notice how most ofmy shit is interior design related)
Renew my gym membership
DVD Recorder
New white rug for living room, since mine is virtually ruined now. C'est la vie!
Art for bedroom
Headboard
Nicer curtain rod for bedroom
Grocery gift certificates for my neighbah who won't take $ but she sometimes runsoutta groceries
A black market kidney for my friend who needs a transplant
Donate to cancer research, and other diseases ppl I know suffer from
Donate to stem cell research. A personal cause I believe in.
Donate to animal charities. Another personal cause.
Help homeless people with food.
Buy a cabin cruiser (boat)
Buy a jetski
Rent a marina slip.

That is all. For now =D

Nursing School - The Journey Begins!

So alot of you know that I decided to go back to school for nursing because A) I couldn't find a job in finance, marketing, pharma, or really ANYTHING, and B) it is an interesting field with lots of medical knowledge, and they're respected and shit, I'm a hypochondriac! So what better than to become a nurse. Although after taking the class, I must say that I'm a little more paranoid because I know MORE medical stuff than before. But that's another topic. Here's the story of my nursing class...

I was apprehensive about going back to school given my age. I know I look like I'm 23. Albeit a chubby 23yr old, but inside, is the brain of a 29 year old. The night before the class I had one of my friends over from the weekend. We had gone to Great Adventure, and then bullshit around Ocean Grove by the beach for a while. I had hoped to go to bed early. Didn't happen. I was awake all nite wondering what it would be like. Hoping I wouldn't be the oldest one in the class. Hoping they wouldn't make us work in groups. I hate group work! Hoping we didnt have to role play like in the American Management Association classes in NYC I had to take. I've been out of school for a long time so I'm a lil' rusty with thinking in non-corporate formats.

I watched the clock pretty much from 5am on. Then got up at 7, jumped over Kelly, who sleeps on an air mattress in my living room, threw some clothes on, popped in my contacts, brushed my teef, and ran outta there. I stopped at Dunkin Donuts on the way, realizing that my funds were dwindling down to the single digits now, but needed to be AWAKE for class. I didn't know what I needed to do and food DOES help with concentration. Which I do have a problem with. Especially during times of stress, which.....is like everyday when you're unemployed.

I get there 2 min before 8:30 as usual (I'm neva early!), and the only seat is in the front. Great. I look at the class and I see alot of young faces. Young like 18-20yr olds. Granted they may be older cuz I myself am constantly being told I look 23-25ish. But once I heard the girls talk, I realized they MUST be young because they were immature as HELL. I felt like I was in a high school classroom. Then a few older people walked in. Thank god. I didn't know where I stood as far as age. Was I the oldest? At least there were a few who I believed to be in their late 20s early 30s.

The first day wasn't so bad. It was pretty quick. Learned alot of stuff, intro'd the class, and stuff like that.

The second day, we were in a different room. I got there a little earlier that day so I sat in the BACK of the class. I noticed when I pulled up that the parking lot was filled with luxury cars. Benzes, BMWs, Audis, Lexuses, Infinitis, Acuras, etc. My car was always regarded as a 'nice car', altho' its not a luxury car by any means. But my car looked like a lil' pauper in the lot of shiny sparkly rich people cars.

Upon sitting in my seat in the back, I looked at the other people and saw that almost everyone had designer bags. Now don't get me wrong, I had designer bags when I was 20yrs old too! So I'm not gonna judge since I had them too, but I did have a full time job and bought them myself! I don't know these back stories, but something tells me if you are 20, and you have a Mercedes (that you presumeably bought) you probably wouldn't have money left over to buy designer bags. How much can you possibly make at 20? Its safe to assume that daddy furnished his lil' princess with a Benz, and Burberry tote bag. They also all had iPhones, voyagers, or Blackberrys. I don't know why I was annoyed by this, cuz I also have what these chicks had (minus luxury car. I never made enough $ to buy one, but if I didn't have rent I could! =D lol) Anyway in this class we learned how to take pulses and stuff. I started noticing the princessy nature of alot of these girls. Alot of em just put their fingers lightly on other people's wrists and were like " ugh, I can't DO this!!!"

Whenever we had lunch break (a measly 30 minutes - where everything was like 15 min away from the campus), I felt ashamed to get into my Toyota Corolla while these chicks got into their shiny luxe cars. There were a few average cars. An SUV, a nissan something or other, and some kinda white car. Everything else though was luxury. I usually went to McDonalds but by the 2nd or 3rd day, I was almost out out of money. So I bought a box of Granola bars due to their protein content. Helps with concentration. Trust me, I need ALL the help i can get in that area! I'm a horrible concentrator. I sometimes think I have ADD, but was told I don't. I was told its stress changing my brain pysiology and to fix the stressful problems in my life. Ha! Find me a good paying job, and that eliminates alot right there. since that hasn't happened, making sure I eat lots of protein is ESSENTIAL, esp in school.

So my breakfast was a granola bar the rest of classes, and my lunch usually was too. I was still fucking starving, since the granolas are only 110 calories. I'm sure I lost a lil'weight during that time. But come paycheck time, I usually splurge =/.

Second week of the Nursing class was patient transfers. For this we had to pick a partner and practice rolling them over, and changing the diaper. Yes we had to wear the diapers, over our clothes. Most of the girls, aside from being rich, were TINY. Like size 0 tiny. A few were bigger. I wasn't the fattest one in the class but I'd say 90% of these girls were skinny bitches. They were easy to roll over and transfer. I really hoped they wouldn't use me as a dummy to roll. The nurse who taught the class was like "most of the female patients are heavy. so you guys have it easy here!" I was worried she'd get me or one of the other non size zeros to be the 'heavy patient', although i'm sure there are patients MUCH bigger than me. I am pretty heavy but noone knows that. I mean if I do tell my weight to someone they're pretty shocked. No doubt I've gained alot but the number itself will shock you. I guess cuz I'm tall. So maybe I would be the heavy patient but not the fattest cuz alot of the old ladys are short, and weigh what i weigh. Making them techinically more overweight than me. LUCKALLY she didn't call on someone to be the heavy patient, and continued to use the size 0 girls.

We had to do a bed bath one day. I wasn't looking forward to doing this in real life just because it was awkward for the person, and for me. We had to practice on the dummy. The little princessy girls barely washed the dummy. I was thinking to myself, do you wash YOURSELF that way?! Cuz the way they were doing it wouldn't have gotten anyone clean. I can't even describe. Its like if you were brushing something lightly off a person. I jsut laughed in my head and thought, "I can't WAIT to see these girls when we go to the nursing home later this week!"

One of those days, I came in late with a job interview at a hospital. I had applied to 14 jobs at Jersey Shore medical center, all secretary jobs, since that's all I could do since I have no medical background. I got an interview in the social work department. I think its safe to say I didn't get the job since I haven't heard anything from them. I thought the interview went well and it'd be soooo nice to work at Jersey Shore since its like a mile from my house! It was 97 degrees that day and I had to wear a SUIT! Fun! Did the interview, and went to class 2hrs late. I was given homework =( bah! All we did that day was skills and watched old videos about safety , culture, diabetes, and stuff like that.

We then had to do the clinicals at the Nursing Home the final 3 days of the class. I wasn't looking forward to it, but just said I had to get thru it. We had to wear white scrubs , which I got at WalMart for 11.88 yo! lol Well, for each piece. We met in the lobby and I saw the look of sheer terror on the faces of the little princesses. The older people all stood in one area, and the younger ones were practically hyperventallating, saying "omg, I don't wanna do this!!! i sooooo dont' wanna do this!!!!"

First, we had an orientation with the Nursing Director, which was some big Sopranos type looking guy who talked in the "fuggedaboudit" style. He was like "WOW this is alotta people...so many people! We're not prepared with manuals!" He disappeared for a few min, and we knew he wasn't thrilled about having us here. He came back and went over some things about hte nursing home. How many people were there, the types of wings and units, the priviliges of the residents, the schedules, etc. As he was explaining, an old lady in bright pink sweats rolls her wheelchair into the lunchroom where we were and stops and stairs at us.

The director goes, "Whats up Franny!!! Where are you trying to get to?" She seemed amazed by all of us, and then tried to back her wheelchair out but had trouble. Eventually she got it, and continued to roam the nursing home in her chair. I saw her everyday wheeling around. She must be bored lol . An old man who still walked unassisted walked down the hall chasing a cat. Yes a cat. Apparently they have cats living there, and rabbits and birds. The old man was yelling "C'mere kitty! C'mere kitty! Ah for Pete's sake, C'MERE already! Lousy cat!" LMAO. After it was all done, it was time to get into our groups and get our patients.

There were 5 nurses who were our instructors. And they each got 6 people per nurse. So me and the older people (who I found out were between the ages of 25-31, all married w/ kids *sigh*) got Ruth, and we got assigned our patient. My patient needed 2 people so I got paired up with this girl Margerat, who lives in Howell. We assumed our patient was either a bitch, or really fat. Either way, Margerat and I were both tall and stronger than the lil' size 0 girls, so I thought between the 2 of us, we'd get the job done.

We were warned about the temperature of nursing homes. The rooms could be 85 degrees since old people are always cold. My grandmother was in a nursing home in her last few years, but I dont' recall how hot/cold it was. I'm now grandparentless, so I have no reason to go to a nursing home, altho i'm sure my dad will end up in one eventually. he stilll gets around surprisingly but he should walk more often so he doesn't become immobile. He probably wouldn't care cuz all he does is sit on h is ass and watches the History Channel all day anyway. but being immobile would make his nightly Dunkin Donuts run a lil' more difficult, don'tcha think?

We get our patient, and she's knocked out. zzzzzzzzzz. She's big. Great. I just say to myself, 'lets just get this over with!" So I wake her up and ask her the necc questions we were told to ask. Has she eaten. Does she want to use the bathroom, or does she wear diapers, does she have dentures or her own teeth.... So she HAD her own teeth, and was a diaper wearer. yay! *sarcasm* She ate and we told her we had to give her a bed bath, and she didnt' seem to mind. So it was less awkward. It was really HOT in that room. I didn't see the thermostat, but both me and my partner's foreheads were dripping with sweat. We had to change the diaper and had trouble rolling her on her side. Its def the hardest part. She was kinda immobile and heavy. It took us probably 20 min to get the full diaper change complated. Whew. After that, we dressed her, another tough job since she was heavy and immobile, and put her in her wheelchair. She was scheduled to get her hair did, and she was late for the appointment because of us. We thought we'd be the last ones done. We were WRONG!

After we reported to our nurse, we were told to help some of the ''younger girls''. I knew what she was getting at. I looked down to the B wing (I was in the A wing) and I saw a few size 0 girls looking for the nurses, freaking out. They had no idea what to do. Granted some of the patients are hard to move but she was freaking the hell out. I heard alot of OMG OMG's. I got moved to a room w/ another young girl. She wans't freaking otu tho'. Her old lady was comatose and skinny and frail but so hard to move. Her muscles were contracted, which happens when their muscles aren't used after a stroke. They're supposed to do range of motion exercises with them by moving the arms and legs and fingers and toes for them but apparently that wasn't done on this lady. She needed help moving and dressing her. The old lady mustve been 5ft tall and 90lbs but she was like a deadweight! So I helpd her get dressed and put her in her wheely bed thing. The other girl took her to the activity room and that was it.

Afterwards, we met at the desk in our wing and everyone was like 'how was it?' We said it was ok. Not as bad as we had thought, and the little princessy girls were like ''OMG!!! It was HORRIBLE!!!!" They said their patients didn't talk to them, or gave them dirty looks, or they had a really dirty diaper, or whatevs. We had an hour for lunch that day. I had to make some job calls and then I ate my trusty granola bar again. Yum. We then had class for a few more hours at Brookdale (well its satellite campus) and went home.

The next day we had a new patient. An arabic man. He was skinny and mobile and cooperative. We were told he LOVESSSSS women. I pictured my dad for a sec, and wanted to get that pic outta my head, especially if we had to bathe the guy! I was paired up with Margaret again, but I didn't mind having someone to talk to. Most of the size 0 princessy girls were by themselves w/ their own patients. This guy we had was nice. He was in isolation though so we had to wear gloves, masks, and a gown. He was very cooperative and easy to do. He asked if I was saudi and said i looked like a saudi princess. lmao probably cuz we wore masks and it looked like a veil or something. Afterwards, we were sent to help the young princessy girls again who were freakingout and struggling. I got assigned to the same girl again w/ the comatose old lady. Was pretty easy. Then an early lunch.

The last day of the nursing home, we got a new patient, she looked scared. We got her done prettty quickly and then were free to go once again. Then back to class for the exam, and we were done.

The nursing home bathrooms were kinda dirty and they were running out of EVERYTHING! Toothpaste, lotion, powder, eye cream. Most of the old people were supposed to go to the activity room after they were up and dressed. There was nothing going on there. It was a room where most of them fell asleep in their wheelchairs at tables. Some old men played cards or dominos. Most just dozed off. Regis and Kelly was playing in the background. How incredibly boring! I felt sorry for them. I nkow most of them couldn't get around anymore but to wheel em in a room and just leave em there seems so neglectful. There was another activity room with trivia going on. We listened to that one. Thats the room where the cats and rabbits were kept. A woman just kept asking trivia questions and old men would shout out the answers as if they were in school. They were told to "raise their hand" instead. LOL

All in all, the clinicals weren't too bad. I know in a year and a half (*slaps forehead at the long wait*), when I do the real clinicals it'll be alot more blood and gore. But to me, I have no problem looking at a wound. But looking at a dirty diaper is more gross. But I did it. I just think of them as big kids. I actually learned alot about nursing and medical stuff in general, like symptoms of certain diseases and stuff like that. I can't wait to actually do the nursing clinicals. This class was a prerequisite to get into the nursing program. I would be able to work as a home health aide, but they only get paid $10/hr. I'd be screwing myself over if I did that. I make more on my untaxed UE. But the tax is the problem. I owe the IRS, and I'm still on UE. I really hope I find a feasible job SOON! One that at least pays enough to pay everything and have something left over. But unfortunately, that has not been possible due to the drop in salaries across the board. Its gonna be a long road to becoming a nurse. I'm slated to take the non nursing courses now, while I'm waiting. But the clinicals, I dont think you can take the nursing classes all at once. I think you hae to finish one before you take the next. If this is the case, I'll never be done. You usually mix nursing classes w/ eng, psych, humanities, etc. But I'll be done w/ those by spring. Dunno what's gonna happen, but I definitely can't wait to get into the actual program. I hope I can persuade them to get me in sooner based on need of a job in the field. Alot of people are younger, live w/ mommy and daddy and will be OK. I can't be on UE forever. The longer I'm on it, the more stressed I am, and the more problems I encounter due to low income. And not to mention racking up my IRS debt. If I claimed taxes, I couldn't survive. So I have no choice. I will keep applying at hospitals as a secretary with the hopes of getting a job that DOES pay the bills if anything. Having had the nursing class gives me a little more of an edge over the typical job applicant, although less than people who've worked in hospitals.

Everyone I know who's going into nursing will definitely finish before me since my school has a ridic wait, and I have to work/temp full time (but will be taking Sept-Dec off unless i get a job by next week. HA!). I envy the little princessy girls. They can persue this with out a care in the world. They have no bills to pay, no landlord who can kick them out if they're not paid on time, probably no car payment, and I doubt they pay cable and cell phone bills) Ah what it msut be like to live as them. I do envy them like you wouldn't believe. Its so hard to work and go to school. I'm lucky I can do one semester fulltime, but I won't have enough UE to make it through the duration of nursing school. I wish I did. Maybe Obama will come up with more extensions due to high unemployment rates. As of now, I'll do what I can I guess. I hope to read about everyone ELSE'S experiences now, since they will far surpass me in school. I wanna know what is coming.

Thats all. Proabably nothing more on this topic til I get in the nursing program, cuz from here on out, its all general classes.

My Great Adventures

I went to Great Adventure for the first of the usual 2 times per year. I got $15 dolla tickets from Twitter, courtesy of Shawn who was nice enuff to print them out for me (I don't have a printer) =/, and I went w/ my friend, Samantha.

We went on Saturday, and while I was waiting for her to come to my house, I sat outside talking to my downstairs neighbor about her nephew who was visiting. We both (me and the nephew) were out side one day when the cops came to our street to drag some lady off who said her husband hit her. She got maced and everything. During this time, the nephew proceeded to tell me about all the times he's been arrested, and how he wants to open a strip club, and how he stole his mother's credit card and charged 3000 dolla worth of strippers and lapdances on it. Um...........ok. Is that supposed to be impressive? Whatever! *shrug*

Sam came, and we drove to Jackson, stopped at Mc D's to get a 'reasonably priced meal' if there is such a thing anymore, before we got in the park. The food prices in Great Adventure are ridic!

My story about the 7 dollar slice of pizza for example - We didn't want to spend an arm and a leg so we split a slice of pizza at papa johns in Great Adventure. The pizza cost $7. it came w/ a few fries. Wow. Now the 7 dollar slice has been upped to 8.50! lmao Rip off!!!

Great Adventure was fun! Her parents yell at her saying she's too old for it, but I will always love the rides, and the rollercoasters. I wasn't allowed to ride one ride cuz I had my bag and the bitch wouldnt' let me clip it to the lap bar. So I had to get off the ride after I waited an hour. I rode that ride w a bag last year! I left my bag in a locker for 3hrs after that, well over t he hour and a half limit,and went on some more coasters.

A few of my coaster stories were as follows: Bizarro, which is hyped as the "all new Bizarro" is really just Medusa painted purple. It was cool tho'. I had trouble w/ the harness on "Bizarro" cuz my boobs have apparently gotten bigger since last year even tho' I'm only 5lbs heavier than last year. I had to squoosh them to get the harness to buckle. It kinda sucks cuz I know I've gained alotta weight but I am by far not the biggest person riding these rides. But it was kinda a push to get a move on on the weight loss project. I'm really tired of being so fat. I'm still surprised wh en I look in the mirror. I'm not used to seeing a fat girl look back. It'll take time to lose all this weight but I def have to get a move on.

Scream machine again, i had to squoosh my boobs (thank god theyre real, otherwise they might pop if they were implants lol) to get the harness tight. I was actually worried it would unlock cuz scream machine goes over the loops SLOWLY as eff. Anyway I SURVIVED! Hallelujah! The scariest part of the night was on Rolling Thunder, the piece of shit wooden coaster that's a year older than me! (it was built in 1979) It needs to be oiled badly. and it jerks around and shit. Its fun but scary just cuz you think one day insteada going around the curve, you'll go right thru the barrier. On the way up on the coaster, we stopped. The train just stalled. I was soooooooooo scurred it would start to roll backwards down the hill. Then we'd hit the other train behind us loading. Luckally we didn't roll backwards, and we got up the hill and continued on with the ride. After wards, some ghetto chick started screaming "hurry up and move the green train, you stupid ass bitch! It hot in here! Move dis fucking train!! Stupid ass bitch!" lmao. Pretty entertaining. We tried to go on El Toro (the newest wooden coaster that will probably replace rolling thunder) but the line was 1hr 1/2 wait. *sigh*. We went on some flight to mars 3d ride and waited over 40 min for that, then went to get my bag. My ticket for the locker said the wrong locker number on it, and I needed the locker attendant to open it.

The girl at Congo Rapids (the ride outside the lockers) said the girl who 's the locker attendant was having boyfriend issues and was in the bathroom on the phone. The manager came and finally the girl came back. I got my bag, and we left. We were gonna go to Chilis cuz of its cheap dinner specials by Monmouth Mall, but since it was getting late, we went to the Freehold Chilis and finally sat down and ate some food. I wished i coudlve taken a shower before din but we ended up not going out after and i just showered and finally smelled fresh as a cucumber again (my soap is cucumber scented ).

And that's about it. I don't think I'll ever get tired of rides. I couldn't go on Nitro (my fave) due to the long wait, or El Toro but hopefully during fright fest. I hope I can find more $15 tickets again. That helps my unemployed ass get out there and enjoy stuff.

Today just walked around OG boardwalk and had chinese. Gotta chill today cuz I start my first nursing class tomorrow in Hazlet. I hope it all goes well. I know I have a long road ahead of me to become a nurse but.... I hope it all works out for me. I've been thru too much shit in these past 3yrs and I deserve something to go my way. I want a respectible job, that I'm interested in, and know that I'll always be able to find a job no matter how bad the economy is. We'll see but tomorrow begins a new journey for me so *deep breath* here goes!

Eff Mother Nature! / Solitude Sorrow

Well, my anticipated kayaking trip today didn't happen cuz the ocean was too rough and the winds were too strong. I read the marine report but I wanted to see for myself. Upon getting to the boardwalk, I saw right away that I wouldn't be kayaking today =(. Wind was gusting and ocean was very choppy. So I walked to Asbury Park to help my "boss" (I say it in quotes cuz I'm just a temp so I'm not even an employee at the place, so I'm not sure she's really my boss...lol). She's running a photography contest and I said I'd put up flyers on the boardwalk. So upon my return to my town, I saw that all the flyers I posted were taken down! WTF?! Every single one. There's about 6 bulletin boards along the boardwalk and none were left when I came back. I dunno who took them down, or why. Could be a buncha asshole kids folowing me and taking em down as I put em up? Or someone from the Association cuz they're so strict about everything. I don't see how a photography contest for a bank could be inappropriate for the boards. Theres random shit advertised on those boards, none of which really have any connection. But yep, every flyer was taken down. I don't know if I wanna put more up another day. Maybe put one up and sit on a bench and see who takes it down. Not that I care that much but it did piss me off that I took the time to do this and someone tore it down.





I hate people!





Now I returned to my house and have absolutely no plans, like usual. I have like no social life anymore. Most of my friends either moved away, spend every waking moment w/ their boyfriends, or just don't do anything. I've spent so much time by myself in these past few months. Going to the symphony alone, going to the movies alone, going to festivals alone...its kinda pathetic. I understand that I'm unemployed and ppl probably dont wanna hang w/ the unemployed chick, since I don't have as much money as they do. Most of them l ive with their parents AND are employed which = lots of money to blow. I love to spend $ but I have to watch what I buy. Sometimes I can splurge. Why not? Don't i desreve an ice cream cake, or a pair of earrings once in a while? But yeah.





I've been reading a message board about kayaking in NJ and found out there are alotta organized outings in my area. One of the members PM'd me and said she's probably gonna organize a trip to Shark River (Belmar Bay one night soon). I def wanna make friends who like to do what I like to do. I only have three friends who genuinly like to do the things I do. One moved away, one is also unemployed and doesn't go out much, and the other barely talks to me, since we're exes. I'm just so sick of being by myself day in and day out. I'm so conversation starved that when strangers start talking to me, I don't wanna stop talking! Or I talk to myself on twitter lol. Its really getting pathetic. Part of me going to all these th ings alone was hoping to meet people that enjoy the same activities as me. I met one person in the band I play in, but shes in the same boat as I am (unemployed) and she doesn't really go out alot. I def want to meet more people tho'. I hope I can make some new friends thru this kayaking thing. Maybe I'll try meetup.com too.





I'm just really social and its hard to be a loaner...by force, not by choice. I can't change my job situation (altho' I'm trying like hell to find a job, but there's nothing out there! If there is, I apply to it, and never hear back), so all I can do is go to places where ppl like me go. *shrug* we'll see. All these words I'm saying echo the sentiments of someone we all knew and loved, and its kinda eerie that we both have that connection. Can you guess who it is?





On another note, all I can really do today is watch tv, maybe return some shit to Old Navy that I got for my bday (too big...ugh didn't try on.), just really wanna exchange for a smaller size. I wish I had something to do tonight. But I have to get used to it .I went out on my birthday, and July 4th. Other than that, I have had NO social life since April. I think I'm going insane.





I never posted a pic of my kayak. So here's one...

Oh yeah, I'm watching more Michael Jackson shit on BET and they're playing "Rock My World". And in this vid, he's in some kinda club in Miami w/ Chris Tucker (comedian) and MJ's after this chick who looks pretty busted looking. I mean she's not ugly, but she's def not the typical video whore either. She has no makeup on, seems sweaty and i dunno. I just get the feeling she's some prostitute that he's after. Hahaha. Ok I guess that's all I need to say.

In Loving Memoria <3 <3

Michael Jackson himself summarized our sentiments on his death. In his own words:

"Born to amuse, to inspire, to delight. Here one day. Gone one night. Like a sunset dying with the rising of the moon...Gone Too Soon...... *cue sad flute solo*....Gone too soon......."

=*(

I was kinda bummed that I felt like the ONLY one who couldn't watch Michael Jackson's funeral on tv. Everyone on twitter was twitting updates and it made me wanna see it MORE! Finally I got home, after going to the ghetto to cash my stimulus check, got settled and turned on CNN, only to find out it was the HIGHLIGHTS they'd be showing. Fuck. So I had to watch it on the internet. Luckally, my computer behaved and let me watch. Then I watched it again on BET. And then more highlights all night long. Yet again, another sleepless night. I still can't believe he's gone.

It was really sad... Mariah couldn't keep it together, but why are we hating on her? Do you know how hard it is to SING?! How you have to relax your vocal chords and tighten them precisely to hit the notes you need. If you're upset and you see an icon dead in a casket in front of you, you might be a lil' choked up, and not able to hit every note perfectly. Anyone who was able to, surprised me. They all kinda stumbled. Mariah, Stevie, Jermaine, Usher... Only the lil' arabic kid, Shaheem Jafarguli or whatever his last name was held it together.

My most moving moments were:

Jermaine singing "Smile", Michaels "fave song". I know Michael used to randomly sing it in vids of him walking around and stuff. So maybe it really is. Despite him messing up the worlds, "light up your face w/ sadness, hide every trace of gladness..." (was supposed to be gladness, then sadness, but it's aight, we wuv you J'maine!) just the fact that he had the courage and the composure to even attempt to sing was admireable. I'm sure Michael would've appreciated Jermaine's tribute if he were here to see it.

Then of course, his daughter, Paris... never heard the girl speak before. She's always wearing a mask. She only said one sentence, really, but now she's on the cover of every paper today. Sadly, these kids will be mobbed from here on out. Their faces are now known. They're the only thing left of the King of Pop. And his two boys DO look like him... Paris, not really but Blanket has Michael's face. Look at him and tell me that's not his fucking kid!

Ursher sang and ppl criticized him saying they didn't think the sentiment was real. Well, only he knows for sure but being that Usher immitated Michael soooooo much, and how Usher declined to sing in the tribute til the last min, I think he felt something. It musta been hard to sing "Gone Too Soon" and walk down to Michael's casket like that. I don't know how anyone could keep it together.

The only one who really did was, well, Joe Jackson. Big surprise there... Joe was probably out to make some kinda deal on the rights to this special, altho' I must confess, I'd order a copy. This is def something I'd wanna have since I don't have a DVR. Joe seemed to be on a powertrip and even tried to rock a fedora. Sorry, Joe, no points with me....

After a virtually sleepless night, watching the trib, and thinking about it, and a few other things in my life lately, I struggled thru my temp assignment, trying to keep my eyes open. I had a concert tonight but decided to skip it. Even tho' as we speak its 10:15 and I'm still not in bed, I think that I made the right choice. I'll be laying down shortly....I hope.

Tonight I got thai food and had 2 glasses of wine to chill. Shoulda taken a sleeping pill but honestly all this talk about drugs, and MJ, made me think that maybe I should lay off that shit. Even tho' I only take sleeping pills maybe 3x a month but... I'd rather have the wine tonight, instead. On the way to and from Sea Girt, to get the thai food, I did a mini concert of Heal the World. haha.

Now I'm watching Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, and gonna clean up, inflate my houseguest's air mattress and hope that I sleep for a decent amt of hours tonight. I can't WAIT for the weekend so I can kayak again! I'm addicted. I need a pump tho' to get excess agua outta the boat. In the ocean alotta splashes get in the boat and I don't want my $500 investment to sink to the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean. More worried about that than anything else. I can swim... And swim I always do in these greenish NJ Waters.

I'm out.

Michael Jackson / Maritime Adventures

I haven't written in sooooo damn long! I used to blog at my last temp job. Mostly bitching ABOUT the temp job, how much I hated the temp job, and how menial my work WAS at the temp job. Then I stopped cuz it seemed that every time I was gonna blog, someone'd come in, and yell at me for something completely unrelated. Bitches.... So anyway, after a long hiatus, I'm back.





So I'm not gonna go back and recap, cuz honestly, I'm still unemployed, usually broke, and I don't really DO anything except, eat, sleep and temp. Oh and tan (just like Megan from Rock of Love). I had my bday recently and my friend kinda planned something for me cuz I was kinda miserable since I was broke all this time and couldn't even afford a real party.





A day before my bday, a friend of mine died. I felt bad cuz I was kinda mad at her for something that happened in the past and I didn't talk to her as much because of it. She did IM me a few days before she died, but my computer froze up, and I was in the kitchen cooking so I didn't get to really talk to her. But its not like I knew it was gonna happen. The next Thursday, I was going to the temp agency to pick up my check and I heard on the radio that Michael Jackson was rushed to the ER w/ cardiac arrest!





I thought he was dead right then and there. I didn't know you could come back from cardiac arrest. I stayed glued to the radio on my drive home and when I got home, I sat at the boardwalk waiting for an update. I was supposed to walk 2miles. I changed into shorts in my car (very difficult) since I was wearing work pants, and finally they said that he died =(. No celeb death has ever hit me so hard.





Yeah Michael Jackson did alot of weird shit! I'm a fan and I'll admit it! Yeah he went overboard on the plastic surg! But regardless, I was a lifelong fan. And like millions of other generation X ers (or Pepsi Generation haha) I grew up with his music. Everytime I hear his old music, it brings back memories, of a party, or bbq, vacation, or road trip. I had a crush on him when he was still black (and tan) mostly thru the 80s, but then I just liked his music. That was the biggest shock to hear he died. I was in denial for a long time. Watching all his videos on tv made me think it was his bday or something. Its hard to grasp that he's no longer here.





I see alot of myself in him. Theres something that we both have in common. The unhappiness... the fact that theres something missing from our lives. The misunderstandings. Granted hes a big star and I'm just a nobody, but I think Michael would've been the ONE celeb that I WOULD have something to say to /talk about with. I always said if I meet a celeb, I don't know what I'd say to them other than the same shit they hear day after day. I don't think I could sit down and have a deep convo w/ them. Michael Jackson was the exception. I used to imagine what it would be like to meet him, as a lil' chica in the late 80s / early 90s. I'd imagine what we'd talk about. I'd imagine I'd be the girl he'd bring on stage during "She's Out of My Life", and I'd actually behave so they wouldnt' have to carry me off like an animal like some of those other chicks. My brother and I used to talk late at night about MJ and how much we wished we could go see his concerts (MTV was doinga whole behind the scenes of the Dangerous Tour in 1992 when we were imprisioned in Tennessee). Our dream was to see Michael in concert...and of course hang out w/ him. He liked kids. We were kids! lol. We wished he'd pick us outta the crowd to chill with him. We were idiots. lol

When my mom, bro and I stayed in the Taj Mahal in 1991 for the Grand Opening (AC Casino, not the Indian Taj), Michael Jackson appeared at the grand opening. He was staying at the hotel too! My bro and I snuck out and wanedered around the hotel looking for Michael. we asked hotel workers "what room is Michael Jackson in?" God we were idiots!!! We looked in vain but never found him. But boy did we try !!!



*sigh*. And he's gone.....Gone Too Soon.... =( I'm gonna buy the special edition mags to keep just for myself. I'm sure ppl did this when Elvis died too. Its a huge loss to the music community, and to the world.





Michael, I hope you were able to find some happiness thru your children, thru Neverland, and thru the love of your fans and family. I'm sad to see you go, but I'm glad your suffering has ended. Sometimes a person gets to the point where they've had enough. You unfortunately reached that point. I wish you were never PUSHED to that point to begin with. You were upset at how the paparazzi chased Princess Di to her death. You were scared you'd die like Elvis. Now that those have come true, all our hearts are broken for you and the tragic way you've exited this world. A person as giving and as kind as you, should never have had to endure such a painful life. Yet those were the cards you were dealt. My only comfort is now noone can hurt you ever again and for that, I'm glad. But I feel like I lost a close friend. And when I watch your videos, all i feel is sadness just knowing there will be no more videos, no more concerts, no more anything. Thank you for giving us the privilege to hear you and see you dance. We are forever grateful. <3





This is how I'd always like to remember him. This is one of my fave pics of him, at the height of my MJ crush, during the Bad era.





Now onto a happier topic, I FINALLY got a Kayak!!! I've wanted one for years and was never able to get one due to the price, and my lack of job. I thought I'd be employed with a feasible salary this summer for sure, but that hasn't happened as the economy has fallen apart even more. There was one chance at the beginning of April where I thought I'd be able to swing it, due to a partial unemployment payment. But I ended up getting denied and told to go out and make more money (hence I am temping yet again). I ended up falling into a pit of paying my landlord late and even got an eviction threat from him. He later calmed down but I still feel that I'm on thin ice w/ him even tho he told me he 'understands'. I had bought a kayak car carrier kit prior to this eviction fiasco, that allows sedans w/ out roof racks to carry kayaks. I had to return it to help pay my landlord though. All in all I was starting to think that this kayak endevour wouldn't happen this year either. I can' only use it through Sept when the water temp is over 65 degrees.



So, how this ended up becoming a reality, finally was I got back on partial unemployment, due to me temping part time. I'm insured right now, so I've been going to drs left and right to make sure everythings all good before I get uninsured again. I owed UE a refund. I claimed partial, and never got money. Thought it was going towards the refund. Then I find out it hasn't gone in the system yet. So the money was being held. I don't know why but they paid it to me and I decided after weighing the pros and cons, to buy a kayak. Alot of sporting goods stores had sales for the 4th of July and I thought this was the best oppt'y. If I didn't get it now, I honestly don't think I could've gotten it, since money is so tight still.



I went to a place near my temp job in Toms River (the other store was in Lakewood but it was a lil' more expensivo). I ended up getting an Ocean Kayak which is a sit on top kayak. I never did those before. I've only been in a sit inside kayak, which was what I wanted to buy originally. But sometimes you have to compromise when money isn't on your side. This kayak is better suited for the ocean and bay. I could use it in lakes too but want to get the hang of it first, since I dont' want to fall in a mucky lake. The ocean is much cleaner to fall into, despite the sharks. I have a huge fear of sharks since I was warned in the Florida Keys 3yrs ago that the waters were "shark infested". I spent my time swimming there looking down (you can see the bottom there cuz the water's so clear). In NJ you can't see SHIT in the water. You can't even see your feet when you're in waist high water! I'd rather fall into the ocean and hope that there are no sharks. NJ has Mako Sharks. Look em up! They're BIG! We also have tiger sharks which are aggressive. Attacks are rare tho'.... so I have to keep telling myself that.



After work, I went to pick up the boat and realized it doesn't fit in the trunk of my car (w/ all the seats folded down. Fuck! I didn't know of anyone who would help me or who had a truck. I called a friend that's been crashing at my apt to see if she was home, but she wasn't. Then I called my dad to see if I could borrow his SUV. He avoided my calls all day. Great. Figures.



Next day he called and woke me up. It was the 4th of July, his bday, and I planed on going to the beach and walking, not moving my cah for the life of me. My town was packed! I live in a coastal town. But for my kayak I decided to move the cah.



My dad used to work at Shop Rite, and everything he does, says, thinks or dreams is about Shop Rite. Shop Rite is a supermarket for those who don't know. He wanted to meet AT a Shop Rite, in the back by the trucks. He wanted to relive his old days working as a trucker and then trucking spvsr. He parked right next to the big trucks. When I got in his cah, he said "those are some nice trucks aren't they?" Um yeah. Sure. Whatever. Lets go. On the way to Toms River, we saw numerous Shop Rite trucks. Dad would light up when he saw them. Asking where the most local shoprite was to each shore town we were passing thru. In Toms River, he was sad to see the shoprite on 37 closed, but I informed him a new one was on Fischer blvd, and he's like "oh yeah! thats a nice one!!!!" *roll eyes*. Then asked if the seaside shoprite was still there. Sorry dude, don't recall. But I was fed up w/ shop rite talk by that point.



We get kayak. Dad makes a comment infront of the sales guy that my ass won't fit in it, and then we're off. Back to SHOP RITE to pick up my cah, then back to Casa de Heather. I put the kayak next to the house for a while while I made pasta salad for a bbq I went to that nite. Later I moved it to another place w/ other kayaks. I didn't take a pic of it yet, but here's the same model, different color. Its an Ocean Kayak Frenzy model. A smaller kayak (but very heavy and bulky). I got lime green. I'm so sick of orange/yellow kayaks. Most ppl I told said "ugh" at my choice of color, but IIIIIII like the green. So fuck all you ppl! I'll take a pic eventually. Right now its chained up somewhere. See the pic below, and just imagine lime green.





















I was supposed to take it out today, but since I went to bed at 6am this morning, and got up at 1030am, I ended up falling asleep after lunch til 430 and missed low tide! I am an idiot. Sooo I 'll have to wait til the next low tide that I am home to see (during daylight). I can't wait to take it out tho'!!!



Now it is almost 1am, and I really should get my (_(_) to bed now. Watching For Rent on HGTV, and gonna get in my comfy bed and sleep for a whole 6-7hrs. Yay. thats not enuff sleep for me. I need 9! I'm a diva! I have a very long day tomorrow. Band rehearsal til 930pm. Luckally I like what I do, and I actually enjoy rehearsal. I'll try to update this thing more often from now on.