Eff Mother Nature! / Solitude Sorrow

Well, my anticipated kayaking trip today didn't happen cuz the ocean was too rough and the winds were too strong. I read the marine report but I wanted to see for myself. Upon getting to the boardwalk, I saw right away that I wouldn't be kayaking today =(. Wind was gusting and ocean was very choppy. So I walked to Asbury Park to help my "boss" (I say it in quotes cuz I'm just a temp so I'm not even an employee at the place, so I'm not sure she's really my boss...lol). She's running a photography contest and I said I'd put up flyers on the boardwalk. So upon my return to my town, I saw that all the flyers I posted were taken down! WTF?! Every single one. There's about 6 bulletin boards along the boardwalk and none were left when I came back. I dunno who took them down, or why. Could be a buncha asshole kids folowing me and taking em down as I put em up? Or someone from the Association cuz they're so strict about everything. I don't see how a photography contest for a bank could be inappropriate for the boards. Theres random shit advertised on those boards, none of which really have any connection. But yep, every flyer was taken down. I don't know if I wanna put more up another day. Maybe put one up and sit on a bench and see who takes it down. Not that I care that much but it did piss me off that I took the time to do this and someone tore it down.





I hate people!





Now I returned to my house and have absolutely no plans, like usual. I have like no social life anymore. Most of my friends either moved away, spend every waking moment w/ their boyfriends, or just don't do anything. I've spent so much time by myself in these past few months. Going to the symphony alone, going to the movies alone, going to festivals alone...its kinda pathetic. I understand that I'm unemployed and ppl probably dont wanna hang w/ the unemployed chick, since I don't have as much money as they do. Most of them l ive with their parents AND are employed which = lots of money to blow. I love to spend $ but I have to watch what I buy. Sometimes I can splurge. Why not? Don't i desreve an ice cream cake, or a pair of earrings once in a while? But yeah.





I've been reading a message board about kayaking in NJ and found out there are alotta organized outings in my area. One of the members PM'd me and said she's probably gonna organize a trip to Shark River (Belmar Bay one night soon). I def wanna make friends who like to do what I like to do. I only have three friends who genuinly like to do the things I do. One moved away, one is also unemployed and doesn't go out much, and the other barely talks to me, since we're exes. I'm just so sick of being by myself day in and day out. I'm so conversation starved that when strangers start talking to me, I don't wanna stop talking! Or I talk to myself on twitter lol. Its really getting pathetic. Part of me going to all these th ings alone was hoping to meet people that enjoy the same activities as me. I met one person in the band I play in, but shes in the same boat as I am (unemployed) and she doesn't really go out alot. I def want to meet more people tho'. I hope I can make some new friends thru this kayaking thing. Maybe I'll try meetup.com too.





I'm just really social and its hard to be a loaner...by force, not by choice. I can't change my job situation (altho' I'm trying like hell to find a job, but there's nothing out there! If there is, I apply to it, and never hear back), so all I can do is go to places where ppl like me go. *shrug* we'll see. All these words I'm saying echo the sentiments of someone we all knew and loved, and its kinda eerie that we both have that connection. Can you guess who it is?





On another note, all I can really do today is watch tv, maybe return some shit to Old Navy that I got for my bday (too big...ugh didn't try on.), just really wanna exchange for a smaller size. I wish I had something to do tonight. But I have to get used to it .I went out on my birthday, and July 4th. Other than that, I have had NO social life since April. I think I'm going insane.





I never posted a pic of my kayak. So here's one...

Oh yeah, I'm watching more Michael Jackson shit on BET and they're playing "Rock My World". And in this vid, he's in some kinda club in Miami w/ Chris Tucker (comedian) and MJ's after this chick who looks pretty busted looking. I mean she's not ugly, but she's def not the typical video whore either. She has no makeup on, seems sweaty and i dunno. I just get the feeling she's some prostitute that he's after. Hahaha. Ok I guess that's all I need to say.