Busted!

I haven't written in a while, cuz I actually did have some work to do in the past few weeks, but much to my dismay, it was accounting, something I've always tried to stay away from. I am not good w/ numbers and math, and altho' I am not physically adding, the adding machine does, numbers are just annoying. My batch orders never balanced. I didn't understand why, and I got yelled at constantly. Ugh. It has finished for the month, but next months stake payments will be in on March 15th....yay, and up it will start again. I work for a horse racing company and we deal w/ the horses eligability payments for upcoming races, so its rough. I never knew this job required accounting. Its def not a field I will ever consider moving into. I continue to avoid that.

I also didn't have the time to get pictures either to decorate my page so I just left it alone. Today I don't really have pictures either. People keep coming into my office left and right and altho' they gave me no work, I don't want them to necc see what I'm doing, or too much of it anyway.

Last Saturday I was bored, broke, and miserable, so I went to go see the US Marine band in Red Bank. I needed to stay close to home so I wouldnt have to put gas in my car since I was on a very limited budget that week. I thought it was the Army band at first, and I had missed their concert due to problems booking our trip that last Thursday, and we had to do it Fri. I knew if I didn't give up my plans or at least go to my friends house to have a hand in the booking, it wouldnt' happen. Orig I wanted to run there, then run to EB but I had driven all over town, actually middlesex county! that day. I was supposed to meet someone there and would've went if she came alone cuz I wouldnt ant to do that to someone that IIIIIII enticed to come. But found out she was coming w/ someone and I was too drained, and w were still booking late anyway. I was really pissed thatI missed that show. I was really looking fwd to it too. So the Marine one was it.

I got there early cuz I had no idea where on the campus it was (college campus). I finally found it after like 15 min, and walked in. I already felt like a loser coming alone cuz eeryone was w/ their husband wife kids or friends. I felt like everyone was looking at me like 'what a loser' lol. I sat down and just hoped that noone from the Greater Shore band was there just cuz I felt embarassed that I couldn't find anyone to go w/. I didn't really ask actually cuz I usually know the answer to stuff like that. My ex would've come...if he didn't work 24/7, 365. I've gone to alotta shows alone cuz I just wanna force myself. I like to go and be entertained. I'm a trained musician and I like to watch the professionals play. Its easier going alone when NOONE you know is there. AT least you dont have to see those ppl again.

During the show, I scan the audience (in bleachers), thats right, high school vibe! Nervously hoping noone I know is there. Alotta ppl in the band I play in aren't that friendly. ITs very cliquish and since I'm new I'm kinda...whatevs. I noticed that the friendliest section is the trombone section and tuba and a few drummers. So sure enuff hte TUBA player from our band is there. I hoped he didn't see/recognize me. I thought I heard a voice from someone else I recognized too but didn't actaully see if she was there.

The concert was good, and once finished, I got the HELL up out of there. The Marine recruiters, who hassled me about joining the marines when I got in, didn't bother on the way out. Besides! I'm too fat to be in the marines now! You have to maintain a certain weight. I'm not sure what it is for my height. I know its 165 lbs for someone 5'3, so they do allow you to be a lil' chunky but even tho' Bush is out of office (thank god), I would NEVER enlist in the service. I come from almost everyone in my fam (dad's generation and up) being in the service but I would NEVER die for my country. THe country that doesn't provide healthcare for ppl who truly need it and pay taxes and pay for OTHER ppl's healthcare. The country that dosen't provide assitance w/ anything for unemployed people who have fallen on hard times, who paid taxes and paid for OTHER peoples' welfare, food stamps and medicaid, most of whom are illegal Mexicans! Hell no, would I ever put myself in a position where I would die for this country. Hell fucking no. So thats my view on that. I do respect ppl who enlist. I just would never do it myself.

Last night at band rehearsal, we had rehearsal in Asbury Park which is good for me cuz its the next town over, but bad cuz its the hood. I tried to get there at a decent time so that I could have a parking spot, since the parking lot is small. When I got there, the roads were sheets of ice, and a van pulled into the parking lot and blocked it. So I went around the block 2x til it left. Then I pulled a Fuck It move and went in the back way and illegally parked along the brick wall. Someone else did it behind me. I doubt the coppers are gonna come into a church parking lot looking to ticket or tow. There's plenty of sinister activity in Asbury Park at nite to keep these cops busy and out of Dunkin Donuts. I'm pretty confident in that! I also forgot my jacket at home. I did stop home for 40 min. I was not about to walk thru the GHETTO w/ no jacket when temps were like 16 degrees and windy out. I ran into the church (where we were reharsing that nite) and it was freezing in there too.

I got to play piccolo that nite cuz the other girl who plays primarily wasn't there. Didn't have much time to tune it since I have two instruments to tune and no time. So that was interesting. Also didnt help that both instruments kept going out of tune cuz of the cold, but i'm sure EVERYONE's did. ITs just w/ a picc, you can really hear it if its out of tune. During our break, the tuba player comes up to me and says "weren't you at the Marine Band concert?" I was like ohhhhhhhhhhhh busted!!!! I admitted thatI was and was hoping noone would notice me cuz I felt like a complete loser. He was like "nah, i like going to those things, you should go, even if none of your friends are into that kinda thing." But then he admitted that he didnt go tothe Army concert cuz his wife wouldnt go. Ha. Anyway he was nice and we talked for a while, and it was nice to talk to ppl in that group cuz like I said, alot of people don't really talk. I know alotta ppl come in, and rush out when its done. I def want to meet people but I dont' wanna bother them either if they're not into talking. So anyway I was busted. THe guy (I dont know his name) said he wont tell anyone I was there, and I said its ok. I dont' care THAT much. I was just feelin' blah that nite and kinda wished I was w/ ppl I knew. But it aint that big o' deal.

Now we got forms to raise money for the band. Shit....noone has any money nowadays! I wonder if we have a quota? That wasn't really made clear. I'm new so I'm nto really sure how it goes. I just got a form and I'm supposed to get ppl or businesses to sponsor the band. I just hope we dont have a minimum quota! I barely know anyone in Ocean Grove! and The people in my house who rent the other apartments have no money either! Times are tough for everyone. I'd never ask them for money. My dad has money. Ha he wont give me shit tho'. My company has money but the office manager hates me so I doubt she'll agree to it. My boss is nice, but I think the office mgr has to write the check. The only real proof they'll have that I'm not pocketing the $ is that they'll appear on the program as sponsors of the band, or the website. Not sure. I wouldn't pocket the money tho' but ppl don't really know that this is legit. For all they know , I couldve typed the form myself! It aint like they'd come to the concert! I dont even know if I'll BE at this job by concert time, honestly. I may not bother to participate. Maybe I'll throw in $25 of my own money and be a sponsor myself. I mean I'll give $ to an organization that I am a part of. But I couldn't bare to ask anyoine for money when everyone is either unemployed, took a pay cut, or just struggling in gen.

So now its 12:40. I'm pretty hungry. My vacation to lil' Cuba looms in the near future. I can't wait. I probably will go on break soon. *sigh* I wish I had some work to do. I can't keep asking tho'. Its a catch 22. Ask too much, they'll realize they don't need the person here. I have no idea whats gonna happen here. No idea. I get one more unemployment extension when this one is up in a lil' over a month. I might get to that poitn where I draw from it, then hoard it to live off of. I really don't know what I'm gonna do about the employment situation. I gotta get a real job that pays a decent salary. This temping thing does NOT and CAN NOT support a lifestyle. I gotta stop supplementing soon so... yeah. Something's gotta give. Somewhere, some how. I still worry about the future. I worry about losing everything I have. Car, home, furniture, income. Its a possibility. I should've played the lotto last nite. The winning tic was from Ocean County! Lucky bastard. I wonder if he wants to share? Yeah right! Ok this was long enuff. Just a buncha boring shit. No pics today, kiddies, sorry.

I'll write again after I come back from Lil' Cuba!